Not being a huge football or sports fan has distinct advantages for me. I can ridicule any team at any time for any reason and I do as often as I can. It’s difficult because so many people admire, desire, and worship these football heroes (I use the term loosely) that they’ll attack anyone who isn’t awed by the mere sight of them. My hero worshiping days were short lived after all of the scandals: cheating, lying, steroid use, and criminal activities. No more sports heroes for me thank you very much. I’ll stick to the real heroes, our servicemen and women who sacrifice so these hulks can make millions of dollars and be praised by the masses.
Here are a few notable quotes, past and present, by some of those sports heroes. Thank God all of their colleges found a way to help them graduate.
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Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season…"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." – Joe Theismann
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for four years, not Princeton."
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: "I’ve won at every level, except college and pro."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record: "We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play."
Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’ "
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What more needs to be said? The more they insist on standing up and talking to the media the more material I’ll have for postings like this. Keep close tabs on your sports programs for those pregame, half-time, and post game interviews. They’re almost as entertaining as the games.
I’ve always considered myself to be an ambidextrous person which has made it necessary for me to read anything I can find on the subject. There are arguments and discussions both pro and con as to whether a person is really ambidextrous or just cross-dominant. Cross-dominance apparently is defined as the ability to use either hand for specific tasks but not being able to use both hands for all tasks. That sounds confusing I know so further discussion is required.
As a child in elementary school I began writing with my left hand almost immediately. Teachers in those days actually discouraged left-handedness and required those children to write with their right hands. I was chastised enough that I soon learned to write right-handed and have been doing so ever since. Oddly enough I can still right with my left but not quite as clearly. This was just the start of right-handed people attempting to change me. To a young kid it was a bit traumatic and created a great deal of confusion for me.
I was heavily into sports and the problem was again raised almost immediately. As I began training I wasn’t sure which hand I wanted to throw with. Attempts were made to force me into right-handedness but I fought against it this time. The end result was a successful career as a baseball player who threw and batted both ways. I pitched a number of Little League games over the years using either hand. In one game I actually pitched a portion of a game right-handed and when my arm tired, finished the last few innings left-handed. I felt good about it since it caused people to finally leave me alone to my mixed abilities.
Growing up our family was not wealthy or well-to-do so I was forced to make other compromises. My father was an avid golfer and started me golfing at an early age. I was taught to golf right-handed because the cost of left-handed clubs at that time was out of our reach. Many years later as a joke I rented a set of left-handed clubs at a local course and actually shot a reasonably decent score much to my Dad’s surprise. It took a while for me to make the adjustment back to left-handed but I was thrilled I was able to pull it off.
There are a few real benefits to being ambidextrous. I can hammer and nail with both hands and I can paint with either hand (artistically or house painting). It makes painting and hammering less tiring when you can switch off when necessary. I also found I had an unusual ability to write with both hands simultaneously. With my right hand I write normally and with the left I am able to write backwards. It’s a useless talent but has won me me a lot of drinks in a lot of bars over the years. Also being able to pick one’s nose with either hand is an ability your all probably jealous of. I still have no answer as to which category I fall into but that’s okay, it’s taken years but I’ve adjusted to it either way.
I only hope that kids with the same abilities aren’t still being manipulated to be something their not. Whether your a lefty or a righty doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that you be permitted to be what you are, not what someone else thinks you should be.
everyuselessthing.com 