Today I’ve rejoined the Christmas parade with more tidbits of useless information collected for your entertainment.  After reading some of these odd stories and facts you might think your own Christmas traditions are somewhat tame.   First, we have a few facts about Christmas from around the world.

According to a 1995 survey, 7 out of 10 British dogs get Christmas gifts from their doting owners.

Charles Dickens’ initial choice for Scrooge’s statement "Bah Humbug" was "Bah Christmas."

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

During the Christmas buying season, Visa cards alone are used an average of 5,340 times every minute in the United States.

During the ancient 12-day Christmas celebration, the log burned was called the "Yule log". Sometimes a piece of the Yule log would be kept to kindle the fire the following winter, to ensure that the good luck carried on from year to year. The Yule log custom was handed down from the Druids.

In Britain, the Holy Days and Fasting Days Act of 1551, which has not yet been repealed, states that every citizen must attend a Christian church service on Christmas Day, and must not use any kind of vehicle to get to the service.

If I didn’t pique your interest with those facts then maybe these little stories will.  Unfortunately even on Christmas people can and will do some of the dumbest things you can imagine.  Be glad none of these folks are in your family.

Christmas Stupid

Late coming home after a night out, a youngster attempted to climb into his home down the chimney.  He did not to want to wake other residents in the Judson Center social services agency; also he had broken his curfew and wanted no trouble.

In best Santa Claus mode he climbed onto the roof and let himself down the chimney; unfortunately he was too large, and he became stuck.  The 17 year old began moaning and was heard and rescued.  Fire fighters and police officers from the City of Royal Oak, Michigan, USA, had to pull him out.  The youth suffered from minor scrapes and bruises.

Christmas Stupid On Steroids

1) This is a true story about John Porter, from New York State, whose pipes in his home froze one winter.  Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house. A little while later and Porter, his wife and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.

2) George Gibbs, from Columbus, Ohio, suffered second-degree burns on his head.  This is what happened one freezing cold winter morning.  Unable to start his car, George diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm gas through it.  He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of gas on his gas stove in the kitchen. 

I can only assume that George became an immediate french fried A-hole. It’s really no surprise to any of us that stupid never takes a holiday. Now for a short visit to Japan  for a lesson in Christmas romance.  I hope you never end up as  “unsold Christmas cake”.

Christmas Japanese Style

In Japan Christmas is widely celebrated as a day for romance, a day for sweet-hearts much like Valentine’s Day in other countries.  Christmas cake is popular but it is a strawberry cream sponge with no traditional ingredients in sight.

The main Christmas dish is a popular fast food, fried chicken, as that is how a traditional Christmas meal is depicted in local advertising.   Women of 25 years and older who are single are jokingly referred to as "unsold Christmas cake".  Not very friendly think Will and Guy.

Note: Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in red.

Here’s my Christmas gift to all of you.  A little Christmas humor to share with family and friends.  These jokes and one-liners are so corny they just might make you smile a little.

• What is the purpose of reindeer?  It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
• The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.  I rang her up and asked, ‘Did you get my drift?’
• Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental.
• What is a webmaster’s favorite hymn?  Oh, dot com all ye faithful!
• What do lions sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!
• When is a boat like a pile of snow? When it’s adrift.
• How do snowmen get around? On their icicles.
• What does Santa call reindeer that don’t work?  Dinner. 
• What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? Santaclaustrophobia

NINE MORE SHOPPING DAYS

HO!, HO!, HO!