12-13-2012   1 comment

Are you depressed about Christmas yet?  Are you beginning to feel run down from all the shopping, the kids pestering about gifts, and all of the hoop-la we’ve come to expect?  Me too!

With that in mind I’m going to make an exception today.  Instead of my normal bitching about Christmas, the holidays in general, or crowded stores and malls, I’ve decided to cheer everyone up with a little non-dirty Christmas humor.  If you like corn (that’s CORN not PORN) then this will cheer you right up.  These jokes are so corny I’m certain your kids, if they’re young enough, will enjoy them.  If they’re older that seven all you’ll receive for telling these jokes is a rolling of the eyes and shake of the head.

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery Merry Christmas! 

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil !

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger… !

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithful … !

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Igloo
Igloo who ?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie… !

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas

Those jokes were so bad I’m almost ashamed to have posted them.  Those were the jokes for the little ones, now it’s time for a few for the adults.   First for the women out there. Why Christmas Trees are better than Men:

MEN vs CHRISTMAS TREES

  1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
  2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
  3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
  4. A Christmas tree always looks good – even with the lights on.
  5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
  6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
  7. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
  8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it’s past its ‘sell by’ date.
  9. You don’t have to put up with a Christmas tree all year

I don’t want you men out there to feel left out so here are your reasons why a Christmas Tree is better than a woman.

WOMEN vs CHRISTMAS TREES

  1. A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
  2. Christmas trees don’t get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
  3. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
  4. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
  5. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
  6. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you look up underneath it.
  7. A Christmas tree doesn’t get jealous around other Christmas trees.
  8. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you watch football all day.
  9. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

I guess that’s enough stupid humor for today.  I have to ration it out carefully until Christmas because I wouldn’t want any of you rushed to the hospital with your “sides splitting”. HO! HO! HO!

Posted December 14, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Just Saying

Tagged with , , , ,

One response to “12-13-2012

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Good ones. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: