Archive for the ‘computers’ Tag

09-10-2013   Leave a comment

How many times a week are you told by others that your way of doing things could be better, meaning their way.  It’s amazing to me how everyone  thinks their way is the absolute best way.  I can understand it totally because at times I feel that way myself.

I’ve had close friends and family with no practical experience in much of anything tell me how I should invest my money, romance a woman, what food to eat, and what kind of job I should have. Everyone is an effing expert in everything it seems.  It’s funny that the guy with no girlfriends or prospects is the expert on romance.  The guy who doesn’t have two cents in his pocket or bank account  is the one telling me what stocks are going to go through the roof.  Maybe it’s the woman with no children who spends all of her time telling her married girlfriends how to raise their children.  It’s maddening.

To quote one of my favorite song lyrics, “Opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one.”  I’ve learned over the years who I can rely on for good information and those hundreds who haven’t had a good idea about anything in recent memory.  I’ve also learned not to voice any of my own opinions unless I’m asked.  I may stand in a group of friends and listen to them tell each other how to live their lives without saying a single word.  It makes me the guy who never has to hear those dreaded words, “Your advice sucked.”

I suppose it’s always been that way.  People telling people what will happen in the future, how they should live their lives and they do it in such a way it’s seemed logical at the time.  Here are some predictions I’ve discovered from so-called experts that were so bad I just had to pass them along.

  • "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
  • "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
    Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
  • "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year."
    The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
  • "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
    Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
  • "This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
    Western Union internal memo, 1876.
  • "We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
    Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
  • "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
    Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
  • "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy."
    Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
  • "The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
    Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project.
  • "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
    Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
  • "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
    Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
  • "Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."
    Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television.
  • "Everything that can be invented has been invented."
    Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

As you can see even people with impressive resumes aren’t experts in everything like they think they are.  I‘m certainly glad I never had these experts whispering in my ear and giving me advice about anything important.  Everything comes back to good old “common sense”.  Constantly being negative about things just stifles  creativity and can make you one miserable and unhappy SOB and also reward you with an honorable mention on this blog.

03-20-2013   2 comments

I’ve decided to have a quiet and restful day today to catch my breathe and relax a little. My better-half is off to work in my car since her vehicle took a hissy fit this morning and refused to start (allegedly).  I was awakened by her at 5:00 am from a wonderfully deep sleep to be brought up to speed about her car. It’s moments like that for me that test the limits of any relationship.

I became just conscious enough to tell her where my car keys were and for her to take my car.  I immediately attempted to fall back to sleep but as you all know once your awakened it’s sometimes impossible. I laid in bed for another half hour and finally gave up.  I threw on some clothes, had a cup of really awful coffee, and headed to the garage to address her problem.

You must understand that my better-half has super powers never before seen on this planet.  She is Anti-Technology Girl and has the ability to just look at a piece of technology or machinery and cause it to not work.  I cringe every time she walks by any of my computer equipment because sometimes that’s all it takes.  She has the ability to cause any device with virtually no moving parts to malfunction repeatedly but only when she’s using it.  It’s freaking scary sometimes.

She can pick up a brand new remote control that was working properly for me five minutes ago and have it fail.  I try to humor her but at times it’s just not possible. Her list is endless; computers that make errors that are impossible for them to make, her car that never had a problem starting  won’t start, and on and on it goes with no possible explanations from her.

Being the trained observer that I am I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem just might be her.  She can’t set the time on a clock, she can’t do anything on a computer without retraining every week, and I’m the guy who gets to spend his life following her around to fix these problems.

All of that being said I just knew that when I arrived in the garage this morning that her car would start.  I climbed into the car, turned the key, and it started immediately without any weird sounds or hesitation whatsoever. Oh, did I forget to mention what the first thing she asked me in my groggy half-awake state?  "What did you do to my car?  That statement alone should tell you the rest of the story.

It’s not often she’s rendered speechless about anything but when I called to tell her the car was fine I received a full five seconds of dead silence.  I should call the Guinness World Record people since in my experience that is a world record if there ever was one.

Now I’m free to go about my life knowing I’ve solved another of her hundreds of mysterious problems that seem to fix themselves as soon as I arrive.  That’s what every successful relationship is I suppose; give and take, good and bad, and about a ton of BS you both have to ignore to survive together. 

Ain’t love grand.