Approximately 10 years ago I posted a list of 100 things that I hated. At the time I was criticized for being a little too harsh about certain people and certain things. Now that I look back on it that was probably a valid criticism, but times have certainly changed. I found that original list few days ago stored in a directory on my computer that I’d forgotten all about. After reviewing it again I decided to make some changes because after my last two horrible years my attitude has changed quite a bit, mostly for the better. I can honestly say that all those years ago I shouldn’t have used the word Hate. I’ve rereviewed the list and pared it down to just forty things that really annoy and aggravate me. Here it is . . .
1. Stupid People
2. Rosie O’Donnell
3. Dirty Fingernails
4. Criminals
5. Funerals
6. Backward Baseball Caps
7. Large Groups of People
8. Dumb Cashiers
9. Stinky Feet
10. Night Farts
11. Bugs Crawling on Me
12. Terrorists
13. Know-It-Alls
14. Hospitals
15. Oprah Winfrey
16. Will Ferrell
17. Fake Fingernails
18. Smell of Urine
19. Women Missing Teeth
20. Political Correctness
21. Liberals
22. Drug Users
23. Clowns
24. Organic Food
25. Liars
26. Dirty Toilets
27. Roadside Death Shrines
28. Jehovah Witnesses
29. Fake Boobs
30. Ass Kissers
31. Stinky Breath
32. Wet Farts
33. Ugly Feet
34. Jeans with Holes
35. Arrogant People
36. Noisy Radios
37. Texting While Driving
38. Granny Panties
39. Penis Caught in Zipper
40. Ex-Wives
I will admit one thing after doing all of this editing. There are five things on this list that I really do hate but I’m not going to specify which ones. You be the judge. Make up your own list and then find those few things that really make you crazy. Then match it against my list and you should be able figure out my five.
Eight years ago during one of my funky moods I posted a list of 100 things that I hated. All these years later I stumbled on that list and decided it might be worth updating since so many things have happened to change my way of thinking. It would take more brainpower than I have to come up with 100 things that I hate these days because in fact I really hate nothing. But as you well know I’m certainly irritated and annoyed by a hell of a lot of things. I decided to go through my list of 100 step-by-step, taking my time, and reducing that list to just 50.
My first list included many things that were meant to be humorous but I think now I’ll be a little more truthful with myself about the 50 things that annoy or irritate me. Becoming a senior citizen changes a persons perspective on many things never before thought of. I’m now at the point in my life where I can say whatever the hell I want about anything. Make your own list and then match it to mine just to see how far apart we are or aren’t. Here comes the list . . .
Stupid people, dirty fingernails, criminals, backward baseball caps, large groups of people, dumb cashiers, stinky feet, bugs crawling on me, hospitals, Oprah Winfrey, Will Ferrell, women missing teeth, political correctness, liberals, drug users, stinky cheese, Jehovah witnesses, anti-vaxers, vegans, ass kissers, waiting in line, stinky breath, illegal aliens, ugly feet, noisy radios, crowded elevators, screaming brats, texting while driving, saggy pants, granny panties, penis caught in zipper, tailgaters, body odor, ex-wives, nosy people, boogers, clowns, wet farts, bums, night farts, unibrow women, Rosie O’Donnell, performing artists, smell of urine, hairy nipples, yellow nail polish, liars, corpses, jeans with holes, and of course all salesmen.
Believe me it took a lot of mental effort to eliminate 50 from my original list. Many of the ones eliminated just weren’t pertinent any longer and I’m glad I finally was able to trim the list down. Also as you can see by the title of this posting they are no longer things that I hate, just things that are currently major irritants. As you’ll notice, only a few things refer to the pandemic but that could quickly change in the near future.
I’m feeling particularly lazy today thanks in part to NASA and the pilot of a small boat floating off shore near Cape Canaveral. Both of them were responsible for totally screwing up my sleep schedule for last night and again this morning and unfortunately tomorrow as well.
I’m a bit of a science and space nerd and I was excited enough about the launch of Orion that I set my alarm for 4:15 am, stumbled out of bed to await the launch at 7:04 am. After two and a half hours of the prelaunch show I was ready to see that rocket fly. Too bad the dumb SOB in that boat who wandered into the hazard zone near the launch site caused the first of what ended up being four delays.
At 9:00 am I was still sitting like a zombie on the couch with my fourth cup of coffee, all wound up with no place to go. They missed the launch window and now I’ve got to do all of this again tomorrow morning. Since I’m not altogether alert yet, I thought I’d just post the third installment of "Things I Once Hated". These fifteen items will complete the first forty of my list of one hundred. Here we go.
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#26 Hospitals – I don’t ever see my feelings for hospitals changing. They creep me out just as much now as they did when I was a kid. No improvement and there never will be.
#27 Mimes – I don’t know many people who like mimes except for a few artistic types I attended school with. A major annoyance if you’re trying to sit on a bench and relax for a few minutes but no actual hatred. 100% improvement.
#28 Oprah Winfrey – What more needs to be said. She finally moved on down the road just like Phil Donahue. Goodbye, good luck, and get out! No improvement for Harpo.
#29 Finger Nail Decals – I love well cared for nails on a woman but in my humble opinion decals are tacky. I can’t say I hate people that wear them but the first impression they leave with me isn’t good. No hatred but a 100% of yuck. 100% improvement on the hate scale. I can almost feel myself evolving with all these fantastic improvements.
#30 Will Ferrell – To me he is the unfunniest comic I’ve ever seen or heard of. No improvement.
#31 Fake Finger Nails – I really don’t hate them because my better-half has occasionally had them installed. Even if I did I can’t ever say it out loud. 100% improvement.
#32 The Smell of Urine – Yours, mine, or anyone else’s. No improvement.
#33 Corpse’s – Being a former soldier and police officer I’ve seen my fair share of bodies. I always hated being put into a position to personally deal with the dead. It’s very creepy and I hated it then and still do. No improvement.
#34 Women Missing Teeth – I guess I really don’t hate them but they do give me a huge case of the willies when they smile at me. 100% improvement.
#35 Political Correctness – No explanation needed for this. My biggest all time hate. No improvement.
#36 Liberals – This refers to those true dyed-in-the-wool, Kool-Aid drinking, Obama loving, and Clinton worshiping Liberals. Many other Liberals are moderate and I don’t hate them, they just annoy me. 50% improvement.
#37 Drug Users – Just hate’em ! ! ! No improvement.
#38 Boogers – As I’ve matured I’ve come to understand that I don’t hate all boogers. I really can’t hate my own because I’ve spent years learning how to properly handle them. I do hate the boogers of others because they show up in the damnedest places. Now you not only find old gum under table edges but also the occasional moist booger. That’s really rude so please flick it elsewhere like everyone else does. 50% improvement.
#39 Clowns – I once wore a clown costume for Halloween and mistakenly looked into a mirror as I walked by. It freaked me the hell out and I’ve hated them ever since. No improvement.
#40 Corns – Nothing’s worse that being in a darkened room getting romantic with a gorgeous women and as you run your hand slowly down her smoothly shaved legs to her feet. There you run into some crusty and nasty corns. Hate is way too nice a word for those things. Not only do they make the woman limp but me as well. No improvement.
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That takes care of items 1-40. The rest will be posted before years end and then I can get started on my New Year’s resolutions.
P.S. It’s now the next day and I just finished watching another four hours of the Orion flight. Kudos to NASA and all of it’s partners. The takeoff, flight, and landing went without a hitch and they should be congratulated on such a huge accomplishment.
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