Archive for the ‘list’ Tag

04/06/2022 Irritation & Aggravation   Leave a comment

Approximately 10 years ago I posted a list of 100 things that I hated. At the time I was criticized for being a little too harsh about certain people and certain things. Now that I look back on it that was probably a valid criticism, but times have certainly changed. I found that original list few days ago stored in a directory on my computer that I’d forgotten all about. After reviewing it again I decided to make some changes because after my last two horrible years my attitude has changed quite a bit, mostly for the better. I can honestly say that all those years ago I shouldn’t have used the word Hate. I’ve rereviewed the list and pared it down to just forty things that really annoy and aggravate me. Here it is . . .

1. Stupid People

2. Rosie O’Donnell

3. Dirty Fingernails

4. Criminals

5. Funerals

6. Backward Baseball Caps

7. Large Groups of People

8. Dumb Cashiers

9. Stinky Feet

10. Night Farts

11. Bugs Crawling on Me

12. Terrorists

13. Know-It-Alls

14. Hospitals

15. Oprah Winfrey

16. Will Ferrell

17. Fake Fingernails

18. Smell of Urine

19. Women Missing Teeth

20. Political Correctness

21. Liberals

22. Drug Users

23. Clowns

24. Organic Food

25. Liars

26. Dirty Toilets

27. Roadside Death Shrines

28. Jehovah Witnesses

29. Fake Boobs

30. Ass Kissers

31. Stinky Breath

32. Wet Farts

33. Ugly Feet

34. Jeans with Holes

35. Arrogant People

36. Noisy Radios

37. Texting While Driving

38. Granny Panties

39. Penis Caught in Zipper

40. Ex-Wives

I will admit one thing after doing all of this editing. There are five things on this list that I really do hate but I’m not going to specify which ones. You be the judge. Make up your own list and then find those few things that really make you crazy. Then match it against my list and you should be able figure out my five.

EVERYONE NEEDS A LIST

01/23/2022 🍺Beer🍺   Leave a comment

Let me start off by saying that I’m not a beer drinker. I haven’t had much use for drinking beer since my early years of college and even then, I mixed it with Seven-Up because I couldn’t stand the taste. Also, most of the girls wanted it sweetened and who was I to argue? And now I’m living with one of the greatest beer drinkers I’ve ever seen, my better-half. I would easily consider her a professional beer drinker. She knows all the brands, flavors, the history of the breweries, and that makes her an expert in my eyes.

Many years ago, I worked with a man who made her look like an amateur. This guy could sit and drink a half a case of beer, leave the bar, and drive home. I never saw him intoxicated regardless of how many beers he slugged down in the course of the evening. I consistently ragged on him about drinking too much beer because even then I didn’t have much use for it. Finally, he decided to respond to my constant badgering and gave me the list you’re about to read. He felt that I spent most of my time chasing women and that in his opinion beer was way better than women. Here we go, his list of reasons that beer is better than women.

  • You can enjoy beer all month long.
  • You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
  • A beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports.
  • Beer is never late.
  • Hangovers go away, beer never does.
  • When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
  • Beer never has a headache.
  • A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
  • If you pour a beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
  • A beer always goes down easy.
  • You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
  • Beer is always wet.
  • Beer doesn’t demand equality.
  • The beer doesn’t care when you come.
  • You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

As I was typing this list, I had a small but equally important epiphany. While I dislike beer immensely, I absolutely love bourbon. If I replace the word beer in this list with the word bourbon, it still makes perfectly good sense. I guess it’s true what they say.

LOVE IS BLIND

08/06/2021 Annoyances   Leave a comment

With all this heat and rain along with the damn pandemic I’ve discovered just how many things there are that annoy me. I won’t complain about wearing masks or being locked in my home like a prisoner because those things are absolutely necessary. As I began to compile my list it just kept growing and growing. Here they are.

  • People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
  • People who are constantly late (I hate them).
  • Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
  • Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
  • People who chit-chat with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them waiting and waiting.
  • TV shows and commercial ads with ringing phones, which make you  think the sound is coming from your house.
  • Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
  • TV shows where people are speaking to Alexa which in turn has my Alexa bugging me.

The more I think about this list the longer it gets.  I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll find the end.

  • Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
  • Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
  • Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
  • Celebrities preaching to me about politics or anything else.
  • People saying  “What’s up?” instead of saying “hi or hello”.
  • The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
  • Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
  • Rappers who thank God and their mothers at awards ceremonies.

Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.

  • When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
  • Flood pants on men (even stupid hipsters).
  • People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
  • Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
  • People abbreviating words when they speak (Rachael Ray).
  • Rude people talking at movies (you know who you are).
  • Barking dogs.
  • Having to explain the same thing more than once to the same person.
  • People who don’t flush the toilet.
  • When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole of your cup at Dunkin Donuts.
  • Anyone who can’t speak a complete sentence without using the word “like” five or six times.
  • People who can’t use any pronoun except the word “dude”.
  • People who are constantly touching their genitals (men and boys).
  • People who bring babies to movie theaters.

I’ve got to stop this foolishness.  If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong.  I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list.  It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already.

08/05/2021 A Look Back . . . .   Leave a comment

This post was originally offered early in 2012 when I first started blogging for everyuselessthing. This list of questions I answered back then were an attempt by me to introduce myself to new readers. To see the original answers will require that you to search through my archives but the answers will be much the same now as they were then.

I want my readers to understand me.  It’s the wish of almost every other human being on the planet that someone “gets us”.   I’m going to list one hundred really stupid and simple questions and then post my answers.  If you read them all and then bundle them into one huge ball of useless information, you just might have a better understanding of me.  It may work or it may not but you’ll never know until you give it a try.  To test it further ask a friend, lover, or family member to answer them.  You might be surprised to find out they’re not exactly the person you thought.  Here we go.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Open.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes.

3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked out.

4:Have you ever stolen a street sign?  Yes

5:Do you like to use post-it notes?  Yes

6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?  No, I hate coupons.

7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bees, at least I’d survive.

8:Do you have freckles?  A few scattered here and there.

9:Do you always smile for pictures? No, I hate being photographed.

10:What is your biggest pet peeve? People who talk-over me while in conversation.

11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Almost always.

12:Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes, it’s the best.

13:What about pooped in the woods?  I  have but it’s unpleasant.

14:Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?  Only when I’m alone.

15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?  Only pencils.

16:How many people have you slept with this week? Does my cat count?  If she does then “2”.

17:What size is your bed? Queen.

18:What is your Song of the week? Marvin Gaye – Charlie Puth

19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes.

20:Do you still watch cartoons? Almost never.

21:What’s your least favorite movie? Anything with Will Ferrell in it.

22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? None of your business. It’s called ‘hidden treasure’ for a reason.

23:What do you drink with dinner? Seltzer Water or wine.

24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup.

25:What is your favorite food? Hamburgers.

26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Anything prior to 1950.

27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? My better-half.

28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yes.

29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No, it might scare people.

30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 1990.

31:Can you change the oil on a car? Yes.

32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Oh yeah.

33:Ever ran out of gas? Once in 1975.

34:Favorite kind of sandwich? BLT, with lots of B.

35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee.

36:What is your usual bedtime? 11 PM.

37:Are you lazy? No.

38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? At 45, I was Woody Allen.

39. Who is your favorite dead singer?  Amy Winehouse

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Loved Her

40:How many languages can you speak? 1.5

41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Yes, one.

42:Which are better Legos or Lincoln logs? Legos.

43:Are you stubborn? Yes.

44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Johnny Carson.

45:Ever watch soap operas? I used to.

46:Are you afraid of heights? Not really, no.

47:Do you sing in the car? Sometimes.

48:Do you sing in the shower? No.

49: Do you sleep clothed or naked? Naked.

50:Ever used a gun? Yes.

51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I was two years old.

52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some are, some not.

53:Is Christmas stressful? Yes, it’s a pain in the ass.

54:Ever eat a pierogi? Hundreds of times, Yummmm!

55:Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple.

56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Archeologist.

57:Do you believe in ghosts? No.

58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.

59:Take a vitamin daily? Yes.

60:Wear slippers? Yes.

61:Wear a bath robe? Yes.

62: How old were you when you lost your virginity?  14.

63:First concert? Harry Chapin.

64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart, to people watch.

65:Nike or Adidas? Dr. Scholl

66:Cheetos Or Fritos? Cape Cod Potato Chips.

67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Cashews.

68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Hell no.

69:Ever take dance lessons? Yes. as a kid, 3 years.

70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  No, there won’t be a future spouse.

71:Can you curl your tongue? Yes, and I know how to use it too.

72:Ever won a spelling bee? No.

73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes, at my divorce hearing.

74:Own any record albums? Yes, vinyl and CD’s.

75:Own a record player? Yes.

76:Regularly burn incense? Yes.

77:Ever been in love? Yes.

78:Who would you like to see in concert? Celine Dion.

79:How many tattoos do you have? Six small ones.

80:Hot tea or cold tea? Hot.

81:Tea or coffee? Coffee.

82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sweet’n’Low

83:Can you swim well? Yes.

84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.

85:Are you patient? Not really.

86:DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ.

87:Ever won a contest? Yes.

88:Ever have plastic surgery? No.

89:Which are better black or green olives? Green.

90:Can you knit or crochet? Neither.

91:Best room for a fireplace? Bed room.

92:Do you want to get married? Never again.

93. Do you wear glasses? Yes.

94:Who was your HS crush? Beth.

95:Do you ever cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Only as an infant.

96:Do you have kids? Yes.

97:Do you want kids? No more thank you very much.

98:What’s your favorite color? Blue.

99:Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.

100: Have you ever been stung by a bee? Yes.

* * *

There you have it.  My screwed up and over-explained personality in a nutshell.  Remove a few of these questions and add your own.  Personalize it as much as you think is necessary. Then have a few of your friends compete the questions and invite them over for a few bottles of wine and a group discussion.  It might be a great deal of fun but even if it isn’t make sure you’re serving a really good wine. 

06-11-2016 Journal–Things I Luv (Revised)   Leave a comment

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In the past I’ve posted lists of things I love and hate. Most of them were done to be humorous or at least tongue-in-cheek.  Today I thought it might be nice to list just ten things I really love.  I tried to do it seriously without attempts at humor but it’s difficult.  These are in no particular order except for the first item which if it showed up lower on the list I’d be a dead man.

  • My Better-half (Always first or else.)
  • My Stupid Cat (He wanted to be #1 . . . Sorry!)
  • Peace & Quiet
  • My Mental Strength
  • Losing myself for hours while creating anything. (Quality Time)
  • Sleeping Naked (Best thing since potato chips were invented.)
  • A Really Good Margarita (Or a Mojito)
  • Growing Anything
  • Eating soup
  • A really dirty joke or limerick.**

** I need to offer up some samples of this item or I just wouldn’t feel right about things.  These limericks and jokes  are “R” rated so if you’re offended by that kind of humor stop reading now.

Limerick #1

There was a woman named Lucille

who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill

they found her vagina in North Carolina

and bits of her tits in Brazil.

Limerick #2

There was a young man from Brighton

Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.

He said, "Oh my love,

It fits like a glove."

Said she, "But you’re not in the right ‘un."

Limerick #3

A gay young man from Khartoum,

took a lesbian up to his room.

They argued all night,

as to who had the right

to do what, with which and to whom.

Joke #1

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Joke #2

The scene, a newly wed couple on the first night of their honeymoon just before the passionate lovemaking was to begin. The wife tells her husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How’s that even possible? You’ve been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was…oh, do I ever miss him!"

So much for my lame attempt at a little dirty humor. I just felt the need to be off-color this morning. I wonder why?

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ENJOY YOUR DAY

01-01-2016 Journal – My Updated Love List!   2 comments

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What better way to start off the new year than to update and revise my list of the one hundred things I love. Everything changes over time and the Things I Love list has evolved as well.

As I reviewed my original list of the one hundred Things I Love,  it became painfully obvious that it no longer was accurate and badly needed updating. Initially I did the list with my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek but this newly revised list has been shortened to include only the 60 most important things as they are currently.    Here goes nothing.

THINGS I LOVE (Revised)

1.   My better-half.

2.   Licking the hairs at the base of her spine.

3.   Truth.

4.   People watching.

5.   Learning how anything is made.

6.   Seeing her naked.

7.   Sex in the morning.

8.   Movies that make me laugh.

9.   Making people laugh.

10. Painting.

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11. Small breasts.

12. Kissing her.

13. Computers.

14. Reading anything.

15. Being naked in the morning.

16. Real coffee.

17. Photography.

18. Oldies.

19. My Cat.

20. Science fiction.

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‘Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge!’

21. Science.

22. Creating anything.

23. Star Wars.

24. Juicy fantasies.

25. Orgasm’s anytime.

26. Hard work.

27. Hating politicians.

28. The ocean.

29. Watching her lips on me.

30. Honesty.

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‘It’s always good to know and follow the rules. Here they are.’

31. Sex in the evening.

32. Movies that make me cry.

33. Medium breasts.

34. BJ’s in the morning.

35. Snow.

36. Wine.

37. Hiking in the woods.

38. Skinny dipping.

39. Eating anything while naked.

40. Long sloppy, tongue-sucking kisses.

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‘Oh Baby!’

41. Voyeurism.

42. Chocolate.

43. Being naked in the afternoon.

44. Large breasts.

45. BJ’s in the afternoon.

46. Sex at night.

47. Movies that make me hot.

48. Girl watching.

49. Building anything.

50. Pretty feet.

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‘All she needs now is some blood red polish.’

51. Computers.

52. Holding hands.

53. Watching her sleep.

54. Being naked at night.

55. Accomplishing anything.

56. Huge breasts.

57. Squirting.

58. BJ’s at night.

59. Masturbation, alone or with a friend.

60. Snoodling with her.

Well that should get 2016 started in a proper fashion.  I have a few other lists that need to be updated and I’ll be getting to them soon.

HAPPY 2016

09-24-2015 Journal–My Own Private Sh*t List!   Leave a comment

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Anyone who ever met my late father and had  more than a two minute conversation with him was sure to have heard the term "Sh*t List".  Some one was always being added to his never ending list and included almost anyone who ever annoyed or irritated him.

He and I disagreed on many things but I really loved the idea a list of people, places, or things that ruined my day in some fashion.  My better-half and I adopted the practice a number of years ago and swore to each other to keep our candidates on the list only until they reversed their offensive actions. They could then be removed after a probationary period that included one additional visit from us showing remorse for their questionable actions or bad attitudes. It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it and there are times when I wish it wasn’t me.

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Our list contains the names of dozens of retail cashiers and managers who were rude or just plain ignorant. In most cases that included the retailer they worked for and who permitted their bad behavior without taking appropriate action.  Walmart has been on and off the list at least three times already and we been forced to keep a close eye on them.  Home Depot was a regular offender until recently when their latest customer service program began producing excellent results.

If you’re wondering why I’m posting this information, let me explain. We consider it a public service to let people know where the places that suck are located.  Today’s announcement concerns the Appleby’s restaurant located in Biddeford, Maine.

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Four years ago we placed them on the list for their high prices and less than delicious food.  Their waitresses were unfriendly and a bit snotty.  We waited a few years until we’d heard of a major menu change to more of a bistro or sports bar style of food.  After our next visit we were thrilled to remove them from the Sh*t List.  Major improvements were observed in all categories.

I’m saddened to report that Appleby’s is once again back on the list. They seem to have become complacent once again and are backsliding into the proverbial dumpster.  Since they’re a second time offender we won’t be returning for at least a year to check on them.

Being a public servant can be really inconvenient at times because we’re slowly running out of restaurants where we can eat.

WE ARE EQUAL OPPORTUNIT SH*T LISTERS

01-21-2014 Journal Entry-Boredom!   Leave a comment

It’s a terrible thing to be bored.  It’s doubly terrible when you’re in Maine and it’s Winter.  It feels like being up in the air on the “Vomit Comet” flying very high, then diving straight down, and then pulling back up again to what is supposed to be normal.  That weightlessness between dives in my mind is the ultimate boredom.  You’re just floating around in a pointless manner, accomplishing nothing, and feeling even worse.

Maybe if you were like me and had a fifty year love affair with adrenaline, the ultimate aphrodisiac, it would help you to understand a little.  Hang gliding, sky diving, bungee jumping, and smashing down doors to apprehend criminals or mental patients can in no way be considered boring. Defying death or serious injury was never the point for me.  The point was experiencing the dangers and not giving a shit what happened.  Putting your entire existence into the hands of fate and doing so with no regrets. Most people never get to that point and don’t really want to, unless they can feel the adrenaline rush without committing to the danger.

So you have your regular run-of-the-mill boredom and then there’s the adrenaline-free boredom which is even worse.  I’m drifting through life living vicariously through my own past experiences to help keep my head above water.  Unfortunately once you reach a certain age with all of the physical limitations that come with it, your choices become strictly limited.  Writing a blog, painting a picture, sculpting, sketching, remodeling a home or even walking in the woods are a just a stupid laundry list of poor substitutes.

I actually attempted for a while to live vicariously through others but OMG what a mistake.  Many of the people in my sphere of influence, not all of course, put me into a deathlike comma.  They’re lives have taken boredom to new heights and they don’t know the difference since they have nothing to compare it to. I may sound a little harsh in my criticisms but so what.

So I’ll start another day writing this blog, walking a couple of miles on my treadmill, reading a book, watching some TV, petting my cat, and then walking outside and screaming at the top of my effing lungs.  Now don’t you feel a hundred percent better about your life?  You should.

Here are a few boring things from my list of thousands.

  • Celebrity Worship
  • Baseball (Except for Little League)
  • Soccer (I don’t consider it a real sport.)
  • Politics and Politicians (Pundits and  Talk Shows too)
  • Sermons (Religious or Otherwise)
  • Musicals
  • Shopping War Stories
  • Vampires
  • Werewolves
  • “Wives of”  (From any City. State, Country, or Planet)
  • Sports
  • Country Music
  • Waiting Rooms
  • Commercials of Any Kind
  • Soap Operas

10-21-2013   2 comments

I’ve spent most of my adult life working with an odd assortment of people.  I was an investigator in the Army which required me to interrogate people who spoke little or no English through an interpreter.  A difficult task at best since many times the interpreter only knew enough English to get by.  Years later as a police officer I was introduced to a host of criminal types, drug users, child abusers, and perverts.  The first and most important thing during those interviews and interrogations required a reasonable knowledge of the  subjects motivations and state of mind.  For the most part it was an interesting and emotionally draining experience.

I had an excellent rate of success in my endeavors because I was able to develop a quick rapport with my subjects in a very short period of time.  This remained the case through more than ten thousand interviews conducted in the years just prior to my retirement.  I felt I had the ability to interrogate, interview, and understand anyone regardless of the situation.  I was flexible enough to adapt to their way of thinking, find the problem, and fix it with a minimum of effort. Was I over confident?  I didn’t think so at the time but I do now. 

I finally met my match recently when I was dropped into a situation that befuddled me.  I had little or no experience with young children and when my step-grandson was born my education in dealing with people took a strange turn.  He communicates with his world of adults during this first year without language.  He uses hand gestures and a collection of facial expressions to get his messages across which continue to puzzle most of us.  He’s within a month or two from actually speaking understandable words and he’s currently babbling a constant stream of unintelligible nonsense.  It appears to make some sort of sense to him but leaves us adults dazed and confused.

My best chance of understanding him will occur once he decides to start saying something I can understand.  I decided to do a little more research into the mind set of a very young person who has no apparent life experience to draw from. How tough can it be I asked?  Where do I start?  I found the following article while surfing the Net and as soon as I read it I knew it held the answers I’d been looking for.  A simple and brief list of how the mind of a very young child is motivated and feels about the things and people around them. The list is funny but without a doubt as close to the truth as I could find. See what you think.

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
    automatically becomes mine.
10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

I’m going to post a copy of this list on my frig and read it as many times as necessary each and every time the little guy pisses me off or does something inappropriate.  This list explains everything in a way even I can understand.  Be patient, no screaming or yelling, and no punishing for things he doesn’t yet understand.  Just stand back and gently guide him in the direction we want him to go.  They’ll be plenty of time later for guidance and instructions once he can talk and reply.  Being able to speak and ask questions will make things  so much easier for us both (I hope).

Being the first born grandchild in a family is a nice place to find yourself.  I was the first born grandchild in my family and I milked it for all it was worth with my grandparents. I’m about to experience the whole thing again but from the opposite perspective. It should be interesting.

07-21-2013   3 comments

With all this heat we’ve been suffering through I discovered just how many things there are that annoy me when I’m all hot, sweaty, and irritable.  My normal list of annoyances has increased by a factor of ten. 

I realize the heat makes it even worse but it getting ridiculous.  Yesterday I found myself annoyed by a plane flying over my house.  The fact that it was at least 25,000 feet high made no difference.  Those bastard pilots.  It’s getting out of control and I’m praying for cooler weather before someone decides to kick my ass.

I jotted down a few more that  some of you will hopefully agree with.

  • People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
  • People who are constantly late.
  • Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
  • Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
  • Co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work.
  • People who make small talk with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them.
  • Stores with TV monitors at the checkouts that play commercials.
  • TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you  think the sound is coming from your house.
  • Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
  • Fake laughter.

The more I think about this list the longer it gets.  I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll reach the end of this nonsense.

  • Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
  • Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
  • Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
  • Celebrities preaching to me about politics.
  • People saying  "What’s up?" instead of saying "hi or hello".
  • The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
  • Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
  • People who refer to themselves in the third person.
  • Rappers who thank God at awards ceremonies.
  • Mumbling, then annoyingly saying "Forget it!" when people don’t hear you.

Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.

  • Business buzz words: synergistic, globalize, paradigm shift.
  • People who dress their pets.
  • Annoying nervous laughter.
  • Someone opening a cabinet door or drawer and leaving it open.
  • People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel".
  • Overuse of the word "Like"
  • Mispronunciation of words.
  • People who are over age 21 who say the word "dude" way too often.
  • When people use the word "literally" inappropriately. I.e. "I literally almost jumped out of my skin."
  • People who bring their babies to the movies.

Wow, I’m starting to think almost everything is annoying me these days.

  • When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
  • Flood pants on men.
  • People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
  • Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
  • People abbreviating words when they speak.
  • Rude people talking at movies.
  • Barking dogs.
  • Having to explain the same thing more than once.
  • People who don’t flush the toilet.
  • When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole at Dunkin Donuts.

 
I’ve got to stop this foolishness.  If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong.  Being annoyed by myself while listing annoyances of other people that annoy everyone else.  It’s a conundrum I tell you.  I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list.  It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already so get to it.

Man it’s hot in here.

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