12-11-2012   3 comments

I’m feeling a little more upbeat today and I think my shopping trip yesterday may have helped a bit.  I was searching diligently for my missing Christmas spirit and just when I found a little  of it  I lost it again immediately. An hour or two in a crowded mall getting elbowed and pushed around by damn near everyone can make that happen.  People are scurrying everywhere and willing to kick your ass to get at something they want before you do.  I was feeling non-combative so I stayed out of the line of fire and attempted to shop in a few stores. It does appear that common courtesy goes right out the window when it comes to Christmas shopping, especially in this Mall.

I should mention, this was the Mall that fired their Santa Clause last week because he was rude to the kids and their parents.  A rude Santa  in this Mall seems to me to be the ultimate irony.  They should set up a kiosk here somewhere selling copies of the “Bad Santa” movie.  I’m sure it would be a huge hit with all these intolerant and rude people roaming around.  It’s ironic as hell that rude shoppers from this Mall caused the Santa to be fired for being rude. How utterly stupid.

I stood in Best Buy for the longest time trying to find an associate to help me but I wasn’t pissed about the wait since the place was a freaking zoo.  Bad economy be damned as I watched IPods, IPads, tablets, and anything else you can think of going out the door in huge numbers. I’ve heard rumors that Best Buy has been having difficulties in this economy and closed stores that were unprofitable.  In my humble opinion they’re just a showroom for all of those Internet companies like Amazon.  You go on line and find the item you want.  You then run to Best Buy, check out the item and get your questions answered, and then return home to order it on line where the price is cheaper. They have their work cut out for them if they want to survive as a viable company.

I went to the Mall office and attempted to fill out an application for the currently vacant position of Santa.  No one took me seriously which really hurt my feelings.  I explained that I have the unusual ability to tell parents and their kids to “piss off” without actually saying it. A smile and a pat on the head and off they go.  They don’t realize they’ve been insulted until after they return home and even then they’re not really sure.  My secret dream of being Santa just wasn’t meant to be.  I’m going to try again next year after I spend a full year honing my rudeness skills to a level that will permit me to survive amongst the customers here. 

HO!, HO!, EFFING HO!

Posted December 12, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Just Saying

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3 responses to “12-11-2012

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  1. Haha, aw shucks, I think you’d make a great Santa. 😉

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