11-20-2012   2 comments

Today has been the most excited I’ve been in weeks.  All of our Christmas preparations are finally completed.  Everything is purchased, wrapped, baked, decorated, and it only took two months.  All that work, effort, and thought  invested into one 24 hour period after which we get to pack it all up for another year.  Are we all that nuts?  Don’t answer that, it was rhetorical. 

You would think a huge sigh of relief would be in order but Nooooooooooooo!  My better-half is what you might call an obsessive planner and her whole life revolves around tasks and their completion.  She has a driving need to be working around the clock to feel any sense of accomplishment. Unfortunately some of that craziness often spills over onto me.  I’m just the opposite.  In my world if my tasks are complete, it’s time for a comfortable chair, a hot toddy, and a few hours of relaxation.

I was advised last evening as we were baby-sitting the new grandson who seemed to be enjoying himself a great deal by  crapping his pants, throwing up on my better-half, and screaming at the top of his lungs, that on Saturday night we would be taking a Christmas pilgrimage to Portland, Maine. We could walk along Commercial Street, romantically hand-in-hand, to window shop, people watch, and quite likely stop at Three Dollar Dewey’s for a beer or two.  I think she’s trying to establish some new Christmas traditions for just the two of us.

It’s important for her for some reason that we make a mandatory stop at Mexicali Blues (again with her Mexican fixation), a shop full of incense, do-dads, and New Age thing-a-ma-bobs.  I normally prefer walking along Commercial street when the weather’s warm and I’m wearing a T-shirt and shorts. Not so much in winter clothing with piles of snow and slush everywhere.  You should also be aware that since Commercial street is located along the water adjacent to Portland harbor that nothing says Christmas like the harbor smell during low tide. 

After an hour or two of hoofing it up and down the street, we’ll be in and out of stores that I would never visit on my own. When we’re finished with the grand tour we can return to our car and hopefully not find a gift from the Portland PD meter maids, a $25.00 dollar parking ticket.

Next we’re scheduled to take a short ten minute ride to her favorite place in Maine and the world.  The Great Lost Bear, a tavern and restaurant, located on Congress street in Portland.  She requires quarterly pilgrimages to this bar because of their massive collection of beers from all over the world.  They’ll stuff us with some of the hottest chicken wings you could ever possibly eat, a few needed drinks, and then send us on our way. Hopefully we make it home without hitting any sobriety checkpoints, being arrested for a DUI, or having our car towed. 

If we complete all of that without incident we’ll have had a wonderful time and finally be able to settle in and wait for Christmas Day to arrive. I’ll then be patiently waiting for the next twelve months so we can do it all over again now that it’s an official family tradition.  After all it’s freaking Christmas.

Posted December 21, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Humor

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2 responses to “11-20-2012

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  1. You are dedicated to the holiday, to go out on Saturday night in the Bilzzard of the century is beyond the call of duty, you are my hero! By the way could you come down here and take my wife out too!

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