11-04-2013 “The Words”   2 comments

I’m big on noticing things no matter where I am or what else I may seem to be doing.  I pay attention to what I see and also to what I hear.  Within the last few years I’ve noticed a trend I’d like to talk about.  Is it me or are the youngest of our generations indiscriminately using the word “love” or the phrase “I love you” too much.  It seems that way to me.

In my younger days my generation was more likely to say “I like you.” than “I love you.”  Using those famous “three little words” was a serious matter.  The word “love” wasn’t cast about to just anyone.  Maybe these newer generations have overused the word “like” until it no longer has any real meaning to them.  “Like me on Twitter”, “Like me on Facebook”, OMG, stop the madness. The only word they have  left to convey feelings is “love” and they are using and abusing it much as they’ve done with “like”.  We as a society seem to be wearing out our language.  Can anyone out there suggest  a new word we can all use in explaining our feelings for someone that isn’t “like or love”? I can’t.

I’m bothered by the term "I love you."  I never worried about it as a kid because it was against the rules in our house to admit loving anyone or anything. It wasn’t until I turned twelve that it became an issue for the first time for me.  I fell into a state of hormonal excitement and arousal that was almost more than I could handle.  In those days if a girl even walked by me quickly, the breeze from her passing could and did cause the occasional embarrassing erection (the good old days).

Around that time I slow danced for the first time with a girl at a local pool hall where we spent our lunch breaks. There were no parents around to tell us to "leave space for the Holy Spirit" between our bodies and we didn’t.  That was back in the day of bras that later motivated Madonna to slut it up with her torpedo boobs. I can still hear the song that was playing, Sixteen Candles, and can still feel those hard and pointy boobs pressing against my neck.  You see, she was a bit taller than I (lucky me).  I was in love or so I thought and it was really really good.  I’d finally found the promised land and now that I was there I had no idea what to do next. So began my endless journey to find more true love and maybe just maybe understand it.

Saying “I love you”  is the proverbial double edged sword.  In order to convince a young lady to permit the occasional touching of her breasts or the touching of other more important things, you had to say those magic words.  If you made the mistake of saying "the words" based on your testosterone enhanced mental state, you were truly screwed and not in a good way.  It was an informal commitment made in the heat of the moment that was damn difficult to recover from.  The physical rewards were out-weighed by all of the time and effort spent in trying to untangle yourself from someone whose attraction lessened with each touch of her private parts.

As any man will confirm, our youth was a continuous stream of such encounters which eventually made the term "I love you" a real no-no. If you were lucky enough to escape any incidents of accidental pregnancy you moved on into young adulthood with an even bigger fear of saying “the words”.

The next stage of development into those dreaded teenage years was to actually find yourself involved sexually with someone who was a tremendous bed partner but lacked in other areas.  If you said “the words” after a few months of constantly screwing her then you opened yourself up for even more problems.  The casual hints, the accidental walking by of a jewelry store and noticing all the beautiful engagement rings.  Danger . . . Danger!!!  One fatal step closer to the dreaded "M" word, marriage.  Again saying “the words” remained a huge negative but if you avoided the accidental pregnancy issue, it still might take you months to finally escape her clutches.

Move ahead a few more years and many things have again changed.  Saying ‘the words” had not. Now the women are older, their biological clocks are ticking, and the fear of never finding that illusive soul-mate is driving them to take desperate measures. Then they start casually throwing the “L” words around in an attempt to entrap you when you answer in kind during a heated sexual encounter.  Danger . . . Danger!  Keeping your mouth shut should be your first line of protection. Be sure to use latex protection during your sexual explorations because there are certain women out there who could or would consider becoming pregnant just to reach their fairy tale ending.

Move ahead a few more years and you’re newly divorced but lucky enough to have no children to muck up the situation.  “The words” again come into play as you wander far and wide through an endless number of single mom’s, divorced mom’s, and the occasional married woman looking for any action she can find. Relationships are a minefield  you must must tiptoe through, it’s a dangerous game and not for the faint of heart.

We’ve come a long way from that first dance I mentioned but “the words” still don’t come easily.  Now you find yourself headed for a possible second marriage where someone else’s children are included and possibly a few of your own from your first marriage.  Your new marriage requires that at a minimum you use “the words” during your occasional sexual encounters. You’re finally in a place where you should be saying “the words” on a regular basis but they’re still difficult to put out there.

So what are my conclusions?  I think that the battering most of us take as we grow up, have relationships, get married, and have children takes it’s toll on us emotionally.  The fact that we continue to seek that “love” says a lot for our perseverance and our desire to have someone truly love us back. All of the younger generations who throw the “L” word around so easily will find out very quickly how important it really is.  Getting your heart broken a few times will then teach them to speak carefully about love and maybe just “liking” someone is the way to go.

2 responses to “11-04-2013 “The Words”

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  1. Strikes me that we could simply, by dictionary fiat and heavy peer pressure, re-define ‘love’ to mean ‘I want to have your children’.
    Here in Hebrew, the word for ‘like’ is rarely used. I told the girl on the phone from the lumberyard this morning ‘Oy, how much I love you!’, but with the mandatory wink in the tone of voice.
    A partial shame, since I sincerely would love to have her children, or at least work tirelessly every day toward that goal…

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