Archive for the ‘like’ Tag

01/08/2023 “Sarcasm”   Leave a comment

I’m feeling somewhat sarcastic today. That shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me because I’ve been accused by many of using sarcasm every time I open my mouth. I can’t deny that accusation because it’s mostly true. I use sarcasm as both a weapon and also for defense against ignorance and noitallism. Noitallism is a word I’ve created to describe a common malady among certain people who think they know everything and can’t wait to rub your nose in their vast quantity of knowledge. It’s an ongoing game of verbal chess that I really do enjoy. Those of us who live for sarcasm have an interesting way of thinking as reflected by our sarcastic definitions of common words. Here are a few examples:

  • AARP: American Association of Retired Persons. An organization that sends out welcome letters to people over 50 to remind them that they will soon be dead.
  • ACADEMY AWARD: Recognition of achievement in the motion picture industry. Given annually to a group of people who are 100 times prettier, richer, and more popular than you will ever be or have any hope of being.
  • ABS: A part of the human body that can, apparently in only minutes a day as part of this exclusive TV offer, become rock hard.
  • ACNE: Nature’s way of telling you that you are not quite ready to have sex.
  • ADULT: What you become when you finally give up drinking, sleeping around, and bouncing from job to job. Also known as the kill-me-now syndrome.

  • BANK: A place to enjoy waiting in line when you can’t make it to the post office.
  • COFFEE: A laxative that you can buy in the same place that sells croissants.
  • EROTIC: Titillating, causing arousal. In other words, all the things you have to picture to look like you’re enjoying it with someone who would never let you do the things you’re picturing.
  • FOREPLAY: Two minutes of boring displays of affection that must be endured if you want to get to the good stuff.
  • FRIEND: A person you use to pass the time between relationships.

  • INTERESTING: A word meaning “I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to say.”
  • LIKE: A word that somewhere in the late 20th century began to be used as the connective tissue in all spoken sentences, despite the fact that the words on either side of it need nothing to connect them in the first place.
  • LOVE: A deep and abiding affection that compels you to go to the bitter end with someone you should probably have ditched at the altar.
  • SHAME: The realization that nobody else thinks the thing you were caught doing was as wholesome as you thought it was.

There you have it folks, your first introduction to some of the new and improved sarcastic definitions. A special thanks goes out to the VP of sarcasm, James Napoli, and all of us sarcastic SOB’s that seem to piss off just about everyone.

SARCASM RULES!

11-04-2013 “The Words”   2 comments

I’m big on noticing things no matter where I am or what else I may seem to be doing.  I pay attention to what I see and also to what I hear.  Within the last few years I’ve noticed a trend I’d like to talk about.  Is it me or are the youngest of our generations indiscriminately using the word “love” or the phrase “I love you” too much.  It seems that way to me.

In my younger days my generation was more likely to say “I like you.” than “I love you.”  Using those famous “three little words” was a serious matter.  The word “love” wasn’t cast about to just anyone.  Maybe these newer generations have overused the word “like” until it no longer has any real meaning to them.  “Like me on Twitter”, “Like me on Facebook”, OMG, stop the madness. The only word they have  left to convey feelings is “love” and they are using and abusing it much as they’ve done with “like”.  We as a society seem to be wearing out our language.  Can anyone out there suggest  a new word we can all use in explaining our feelings for someone that isn’t “like or love”? I can’t.

I’m bothered by the term "I love you."  I never worried about it as a kid because it was against the rules in our house to admit loving anyone or anything. It wasn’t until I turned twelve that it became an issue for the first time for me.  I fell into a state of hormonal excitement and arousal that was almost more than I could handle.  In those days if a girl even walked by me quickly, the breeze from her passing could and did cause the occasional embarrassing erection (the good old days).

Around that time I slow danced for the first time with a girl at a local pool hall where we spent our lunch breaks. There were no parents around to tell us to "leave space for the Holy Spirit" between our bodies and we didn’t.  That was back in the day of bras that later motivated Madonna to slut it up with her torpedo boobs. I can still hear the song that was playing, Sixteen Candles, and can still feel those hard and pointy boobs pressing against my neck.  You see, she was a bit taller than I (lucky me).  I was in love or so I thought and it was really really good.  I’d finally found the promised land and now that I was there I had no idea what to do next. So began my endless journey to find more true love and maybe just maybe understand it.

Saying “I love you”  is the proverbial double edged sword.  In order to convince a young lady to permit the occasional touching of her breasts or the touching of other more important things, you had to say those magic words.  If you made the mistake of saying "the words" based on your testosterone enhanced mental state, you were truly screwed and not in a good way.  It was an informal commitment made in the heat of the moment that was damn difficult to recover from.  The physical rewards were out-weighed by all of the time and effort spent in trying to untangle yourself from someone whose attraction lessened with each touch of her private parts.

As any man will confirm, our youth was a continuous stream of such encounters which eventually made the term "I love you" a real no-no. If you were lucky enough to escape any incidents of accidental pregnancy you moved on into young adulthood with an even bigger fear of saying “the words”.

The next stage of development into those dreaded teenage years was to actually find yourself involved sexually with someone who was a tremendous bed partner but lacked in other areas.  If you said “the words” after a few months of constantly screwing her then you opened yourself up for even more problems.  The casual hints, the accidental walking by of a jewelry store and noticing all the beautiful engagement rings.  Danger . . . Danger!!!  One fatal step closer to the dreaded "M" word, marriage.  Again saying “the words” remained a huge negative but if you avoided the accidental pregnancy issue, it still might take you months to finally escape her clutches.

Move ahead a few more years and many things have again changed.  Saying ‘the words” had not. Now the women are older, their biological clocks are ticking, and the fear of never finding that illusive soul-mate is driving them to take desperate measures. Then they start casually throwing the “L” words around in an attempt to entrap you when you answer in kind during a heated sexual encounter.  Danger . . . Danger!  Keeping your mouth shut should be your first line of protection. Be sure to use latex protection during your sexual explorations because there are certain women out there who could or would consider becoming pregnant just to reach their fairy tale ending.

Move ahead a few more years and you’re newly divorced but lucky enough to have no children to muck up the situation.  “The words” again come into play as you wander far and wide through an endless number of single mom’s, divorced mom’s, and the occasional married woman looking for any action she can find. Relationships are a minefield  you must must tiptoe through, it’s a dangerous game and not for the faint of heart.

We’ve come a long way from that first dance I mentioned but “the words” still don’t come easily.  Now you find yourself headed for a possible second marriage where someone else’s children are included and possibly a few of your own from your first marriage.  Your new marriage requires that at a minimum you use “the words” during your occasional sexual encounters. You’re finally in a place where you should be saying “the words” on a regular basis but they’re still difficult to put out there.

So what are my conclusions?  I think that the battering most of us take as we grow up, have relationships, get married, and have children takes it’s toll on us emotionally.  The fact that we continue to seek that “love” says a lot for our perseverance and our desire to have someone truly love us back. All of the younger generations who throw the “L” word around so easily will find out very quickly how important it really is.  Getting your heart broken a few times will then teach them to speak carefully about love and maybe just “liking” someone is the way to go.

08-19-2013   Leave a comment

I was standing in a line at a nearby Subway Shop yesterday and listened to three young ladies chitchatting about this and that almost nonstop.  They discussed a few friends, made a derogatory comment or two about a certain person they disliked, and then complained about starting school in a week or two. As I stood in line behind them I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation intermixed with the receiving and sending of text messages from other friends.

I had to smile thinking how different things are these days for our younger generations.  The one thing that held my interest today was their use or misuse of the language.  Almost every child learns early on how to have a little fun at the expense of the adults in their life. These newer generations have adopted the never-ending use of the word "Like".  As I stood in that long line behind these young girls I was able to count no less than twenty-five uses of the word "Like".  It actually made me grin a little.

I could make fun of them or quote some of their silly comments but that isn’t at all what I was thinking at the time.  I agree that their use of the word was cute and possibly funny but it seemed to bother the older women standing to my left a great deal more than it did me. She was shuffling her feet and rolling her eyes the entire time which I’m sure was the effect they were shooting for.  Growing up these days still requires those developing children to irritate the older generations just enough to show them their newly found desire for independence.  It’s where they begin to carve out their own niche as soon-to-be adults and push and shove to take their place with the rest of us.  They were giggling and chatting like kids do and it was fun to watch.

Every generation has certain words and phrases they over-use and I have no idea how that happens with almost every generation.  When I was growing up the word "Okay" was overused constantly and later “Cool” was the word of choice.  After a little research I discovered the following information on the word "Okay" since that was my generation’s word choice.

As tends to be the case with the origins of sayings or words, the starting point of OK is a matter of contention. Many explanations have been offered and here are three samples of which none are believable.

  • The wood out of which British ships were built, oak, which is a durable wood gave rise to the saying that such wood was “oak-a”.
  • US military records stating that there were no casualties – that is, zero killed (OK).
  • The ancient Greek schooling practice of marking the letters on exceptional papers, indicating that they were ola kala (literally “it is good”).

* * *

The most favored derivation, however, probably because it is supported by documentary evidence, is that the word OK stems from a phrase used in the 19th century. It was a fad during the 1830’s in Boston for newspapers to use comical expressions such as KY for “know yuse”, OW for “oll wright”, NS for “nuff said”, and notably, OK for “oll korrect”. OK became more popular in 1840 when the supporters of the Democratic politician, Martin Van Buren formed the OK Club. In this case, the letters stood for “Old Kinderhook” (Kinderhook, New York being Van Buren’s place of birth), and it’s thought that it was through this use of the letters that brought OK into mainstream usage.

* * *

I’m sure that in the day I was able to make my parents cringe every time I used the term “OK” sarcastically just as “Like and Whatever” are accomplishing these days.   Rule #1 for kids: As always, find an adult’s annoyance button and then push it over and over again.  I wonder what the next generation will come up in a few years to irritate these three young ladies.  That’s makes me grin too!

%d bloggers like this: