01-17-2014 Journal Entry–Aging!   Leave a comment

You know, there is a time in your life when you’re forced to deal with getting older.  It’s a little difficult because mentally we all still feel like we’re in our twenties.  As in growing up there’s a process that you must experience and when growing down (aging) you must again go through a somewhat similar but more depressing process, like it or not.  I think it’s just a way for us to slowly over time confront and accept the reality of our mortality.

It really began to bother me a few years ago when I received an email from a former high school class president requesting I attend my 45th high school reunion.  I read the email and never seriously thought about attending.  You see, I hated high school and really had no desire to see any of my former classmates.  I had two close friends during those years and both  have passed away. The first died just months after graduation in a nasty car accident and the second died about twelve years ago during liver transplant surgery. Any old girlfriends with their accompanying sexual adventures have long since been forgotten.

I was given a webpage to visit created by my old classmates that had updated information on just about everyone in the class.  I took a look around the site and the only thing that caught my eye was the death list.  It was a huge shock to see that almost forty percent of my graduating class had passed away.  It was surprising but not totally unexpected.  I adjusted over time to the shock and began to deal with the reality of it.  I never attended any of my class reunions that were held over the years because I preferred to remember my classmates as they were and not be slapped in the face with the new reality of what they are now.  Too damn depressing.

Time goes on and age continues to creep up on you.  You can see and feel the physical changes as they occur and you adjust.  Aches and pains continue to worsen and again you adjust.  You spend a great deal of your life adjusting to changes that you knew were coming but really didn’t take all that seriously. It’s a slow and never-ending shadow in the back of your mind that you try to ignore but can’t.  Every time you have a quiet moment it pops up to let you know the process is continuing.

You’re probably wandering what prompted this depressing monologue so let me explain.  Yesterday I was given some news that at first didn’t shock or surprise me but later kept coming back to haunt me.  My ex-wife of many years had remarried shortly after our divorce and had given birth to a son. We’d been divorced a couple of years but she still made the effort to meet with me because she wanted to introduce me to the boy.  She and I had tried for years to have children but could not.  We met for just a few brief minutes and I held the little guy in my arms for just an instant. Before I knew it they were gone and I never saw either of them again.  That little baby boy now 31 years old had just died from a lethal drug overdose.

Life as always goes on but it was just another reminder of how quickly and easily life can be taken from us.  Sorry about the depressing post but I needed to tell someone about it. No one is exempt from this aging process and I’ve done my part to remind all of you of that fact. Live your life to the fullest every blessed day.  It could end tomorrow.

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