Archive for April 2014

04/07/2014 Journal Entry – DIY Maniac   Leave a comment

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Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, I was one of those weird folks who loved to paint. Not artsy painting but bathrooms, bedrooms, and living rooms.  For years I was on call for my entire family or anyone else who needed something painted. I never understood my fascination, I just went with it.  I suppose today is as good a day as any to let the world know that that my love of painting is dead. DEAD I tell you!

Dumb Thing #1. I started a house project a few weeks ago that required I remove a rather large window from the living room and to put a blank wall in it’s place.  It was all my idea in the initial planning stages but somewhere along the way it was hijacked by my better-half and turned into a freaking monster. The removal of the window was easy enough but doing it in March in Maine was a stupid plan.  I had the entire house open to the cold weather for three hours until I could replace joists, put in insulation, and attached some vapor barriers.

Dumb Thing #2. I should have seen through her sneaky plan but it was winter, I was fat and lazy, and I said OK to almost anything she wanted.  I thought I could zone her out just a little making me safe from her infamous To-Do list until warmer weather arrived.

Dumb Thing #3. The next thing I know I’m up to my ass in drywall, joint compound, and and breathing a dense cloud of gypsum dust. That shit gets into everything and one of my jobs was to make the big mess, complete the job, and then clean it all up.  I finished the wall except for painting and sat down for a moment to rest and to cough up a few pounds of white dust.  Five minutes later she arrives from Lowe’s with five gallons of assorted paints, brushes, drop cloths, rollers, and sparkle compound. I was quietly informed that now we (Me) had to repaint the entire living room and adjacent hallways. She was sick of the old color and since I’d removed that damn window it was only logical to redo the entire second floor.

Dumb Thing #4.  I’m now in my third day of spackling, primering, painting, and putting masking tape on anything that doesn’t move. Help me please. I’m being held prisoner by a home improvement lunatic and I can’t seem to escape.

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04-01-2014 A-Holeistic Quotes   2 comments

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Look! It’s A-Hole.

Well, I’m finally back.  I have to confess I was surprised just how much I missed my daily blogging.  My other project progressed more in this short eight weeks than I was able to accomplish in the previous year, making my time away well spent.

My life continues as before but things never seem to stop changing.  My better-half continues to drive me crazy, the cat still annoys me at times, and the grandson is just minutes away from talking.  I suspect after watching him closely for all these months that once he starts talking he won’t be able to stop and I can’t wait. I consider it quite a privilege and one I intend to make the most of.

I’ve been trying to decide what I should write about on my return.  I thought I should probably fall back to my cynical roots and supply you with a selection of quotations unlike any you may have seen before. Normally quotes are meant to be uplifting and to give us faith in the past and hope for the future. These do not.  These quotes celebrate the sarcastic, the glib, and the smart asses of world. Enjoy . . .

“You can tell a Harvard man, but you can’t tell him much.” Anonymous

“There is nothing wrong with Hollywood that six first-class funerals wouldn’t solve.” Anonymous

“Religion is excellent stuff for keeping the common people quite.” Napoleon Bonaparte

“He is the kind of politician who would cut down the redwood tree, then mount the stump for a conservation speech.” Adlai Stevenson

“On being asked to describe Hollywood – Can a fish describe the murky water in which it swims?” Albert Einstein

“After coming in contact with a religious man I always feel that I must wash my hands.” Frederick Nietzsche, "The  Antichrist" (1888)

“This is a back-stabbing, scum sucking, small minded town.” Roseanne Arnold "Hollywood Reporter" (1990)

About: Elvis Costello born 1955
“Looks like Buddy Holly after drinking a can of STP Oil Treatment.” Dave Marsh, "Rolling Stone Magazine"

About: Marie Osmond born 1959
“She is so pure, Moses couldn’t even part her knees.” Joan Rivers

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” May West

“Not only is there no God, try getting a plumber on weekends.” Woody Allen

“You don’t have to think too hard when you talk to a teacher.” JD Salinger

I’ve heard these kind of quotes called any number of things including poisonous, mean, or nasty.  I’ve come up with my own term: A-holeistic. My cynical self has returned to the blog and I’m feeling just fine.

Sporadic blogging will continue.