12-13-2014 Journal-Things I Once Hated V!   Leave a comment

thW
It’s time for installment number five of the “Things I Once Hated” in the hopes that it’ll show I’m no longer the hater I once was.  I keep telling people I’m mellowing with age but after listening to some of their comments I’m beginning to think they still aren’t believing me. I am getting mellower dammit! What’s wrong with all these people?  Let’s just get started on today’s items 56-70 before I get irritated even further.

* * *

#56 Vegans – These smelly people are no better than those religious types who insist on showing up at my house to irritate me.  Trying to convince me not to eat meat is like asking the pope not to pray so much.  It looks good on paper but it will never work.  No improvement here you stupid veggie eating, Kool-aid drinking, dipsticks.

#57 Greasy Sink Water – Thank god for Dawn dish detergent.  It’s helped me to eliminate this problem from my life which is reflected by my 50% reduction in hatred.

#58 Fake Boobs – As I’ve previously stated many times I love boobs. I’ll further qualify that statement by saying I still hate fake boobs.  Some of the fakes are nice to look at as a general rule many look a little strange.  Unless the women are willing to spring for the added expense of a nipple relocation they can get downright bizarre. No improvement.

#59 Ass Kissers aka Brown-Noser’s – Over the years I’ve worked with many of these folks and while it can be fun to watch them go through their antics I still can’t respect them or like them. No improvement.

#60 Waiting in Lines – This has always made me a little crazy.  With the development of e-readers and IPads it no longer bothers me quite so much. 50% improvement.

#61 Autopsy’s – This can never change.  I’ve been present at quite a few and it never gets any easier. No improvement.

#62 Bee Stings – This one has faded into my past and something I’ve finally learned to deal with. If they sting me now I just get the best bee killing insecticide on the market and kill every last one of the little bastards.  100% improvement.

# 63 Stinky Breath – To me this is just one step below Body Odor. What’s amazing to me is that 77.54% of people who have BO also have terrible breath.  Is there some sort of connection there?  Who knows?  No improvement.

#64 Illegal Aliens – Seeing as how my better-half’s son currently living in LA was rear ended by an unlicensed and uninsured illegal Mexican driver this week.  No freaking improvement.  Suck it Mr. President.

#65 Adam Sandler – I’ve totally changed my mind on Mr. Sandler. I’ve finally seen a few things of his that I really enjoyed. 100% improvement.

#66 Democrats – I’ll just refer you back to my comment on Liberals at item #36.  No improvement.

#67 Wet Farts – I don’t like having them and I don’t like sitting near someone else who’s having them.  PU!  No improvement.

#68 Feet Calluses – I’ll again refer you back to item #40, Corns.  There’s nothing as romantic as snuggling on the couch with your spouse and be forced to watch her sand her calluses or trim her toe nails. Ahhhhh, true love.  No improvement.

#69 Performing Artists -  These might be the most annoying of the street people with Mimes leading the pack.  For me they’re even worse than the homeless.  At least the homeless will go away after you give them a buck. These fools stick around and refuse to leave.  No improvement.

#70 Ugly or Fugly Feet – This item is not about Corns or Calluses.  It’s about just plain ugly feet.  Why is it that people with the ugliest feet also insist on wearing sandals to restaurants.  I’ve got a thing for feet and that’s the worst experience I could have. “Down With Ugly Feet”, now there’s your bumper sticker. No improvement.

* * *

That leaves only thirty more items before I complete the review of my list of 100.  I think I’m making good progress so far and I plan on posting the newly revised list once this review has been completed. 

Mr. Mellow signing off.

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