Archive for the ‘annoying’ Tag

09/23/2021 Are You Ever Annoyed?   Leave a comment

Have you ever had something piss you off so bad you felt a sharp, stabbing pain behind your eyes. If you have then the following list will be perfect for you. I love reading lists and I also love writing them from time to time. Over the last few years I’ve experienced almost 60% of the things listed below and it seems to be getting worse each year instead of improving. The pandemic has done nothing to stop these annoyances, it has possibly increased them.

  • The person who insists on explaining at length something I have absolutely no interest in.
  • People who snore the paint right off the walls and then deny ever snoring.
  • People who love to talk over me during a conversation make me want to scream.
  • Waiting in my car at the ATM for 15 minutes for some moron on a bicycle making a deposit.
  • The guy in the next men’s room stall at Walmart who opens a stolen package of underwear, puts them on, and leaves his old pair on the floor when he departs.
  • The attractive woman driving the gorgeous new Lexus who rolls down her window and spits a huge oyster into the passing lane.
  • People who will stand quietly in line at a movie theater but can’t shut the hell up once the movie starts.
  • Screaming out-of-control children in public places with parents shopping elsewhere.
  • The woman chatting on her cell phone as she smashed into my left front fender.
  • Loud and obnoxious beer drinking morons at any sporting event.
  • People who are “close talkers” with chronic “stench breath” who won’t stop talking to me.
  • Finding short and curly hairs in my restaurant food.
  • Waiting endlessly in a register line for a customer to be trained in the use of their own debit card by the cashier.
  • People who loudly bitch and moan about their meals and the service at a restaurant.
  • City workers who insist on destroying my mailbox every year with a 10 ton snowplow.

I feel much better now that I’ve gotten all of those off my chest. It’s a very cathartic experience to say the least. I wrote these items in less than 15 minutes and I’m afraid if I took a bit more time the list would’ve doubled.

HAVE A GREAT UNANNOYING PANDEMIC DAY

08/23/2021 Female Irkism   Leave a comment

I thought I’d start this post with a word I just made up. The secret word is irkism.  It’s not a term any of you women have ever heard but its the perfect description of the effect that many of you have on us men.

Have you ever had an argument that sort of takes on a life of its own and turns into a nightmare? Just wondering is all. I think this list I’m about to write will be the post that initiates one of those arguments for me. I sat quietly for years and listened to; men are this and they do that, and women are better and we’re not emotional humps, you get the idea. They’re permitted to say almost anything they please knowing we men aren’t likely to say much in return if we ever hope to have sex again. It’s time for us men to stand up and be counted. Here’s my top-ten list of women’s traits that have irked me for decades. They’re in no particular order of importance and for testicular safety they are not all about my better-half. That disclaimer should keep me safe for a while.

1. Overuse of lotion, perfumes, and any other liquids that will make them soft, smooth, and seemingly younger. It’s a wonder they don’t slip and slide right out of the bed.

2. The wearing of fake eyelashes, nails, and hair extensions. It makes me afraid to grab hold of anything. It might just come off in my hand.

3. Hogging the blankets and pillows. I have four pillows on my bed as well as a sheet and comforter. I often wake up, especially, in the winter and find I have no pillows, one-half the sheet, and about one-third of the comforter.

4. PMS related temper tantrums. There were times when I turned and scampered away to avoid a potential problem. Thank god those days are over for us.

5. Constant over-talking. I guess their rule is that guys must be good listeners at all times but women, not so much. Not very nice.

6. Forcing us to lie to them. Does my ass look too big in this dress? Is this hair color a good fit for me? Don’t you just love these shoes? OMG

7. TV Hogs. If I have to watch or listen to anymore of Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, The Voice, or any and all romantic comedies, just shoot me now!

8. Cell phone courtesy. If we get a phone call they’ll be sure to stand nearby and talk as loud as possible so we have to shout to be heard. Of course when they get a call we’re forced to shut everything down so as not to interrupt. Everyone knows their calls are more important than ours.

9. Trash in my car. Unfortunately I have door pockets in my car. I made the mistake of cleaning out the passenger side pocket a week ago. It was unbelievable. I found hand lotion, sanitizer, face cream, old receipts, gum wrappers, and three packets of hot sauce and ketchup. There were a few other things but I’m too depressed to go on.

10. Coupons. Don’t even get me started on this subject. I’ll say no more than that.

I feel soooooooooo much better now that I’ve gotten all of these gripes off my chest but only until she reads this post.

I AM MAN, HEAR ME ROAR

08/06/2021 Annoyances   Leave a comment

With all this heat and rain along with the damn pandemic I’ve discovered just how many things there are that annoy me. I won’t complain about wearing masks or being locked in my home like a prisoner because those things are absolutely necessary. As I began to compile my list it just kept growing and growing. Here they are.

  • People who wait in a long checkout lines and then can’t find their checkbook or credit card.
  • People who are constantly late (I hate them).
  • Commercials that are so much louder than the TV shows.
  • Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel.
  • People who chit-chat with a cashier when there’s a long line behind them waiting and waiting.
  • TV shows and commercial ads with ringing phones, which make you  think the sound is coming from your house.
  • Waiters/waitresses with dirty fingernails.
  • TV shows where people are speaking to Alexa which in turn has my Alexa bugging me.

The more I think about this list the longer it gets.  I’m going to keep on rolling and hopefully I’ll find the end.

  • Stepping on a wet spot with my socks on.
  • Drivers who won’t turn right on red.
  • Being asked for my account number after I already entered it using the keypad on my phone.
  • Celebrities preaching to me about politics or anything else.
  • People saying  “What’s up?” instead of saying “hi or hello”.
  • The lame-ass naming of celebrity couples.
  • Suburban kids who think they’re gangstas.
  • Rappers who thank God and their mothers at awards ceremonies.

Still going strong but I seem to be feeling a little better by unburdening myself like this.

  • When someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at the results.
  • Flood pants on men (even stupid hipsters).
  • People who don’t listen when you are talking to them.
  • Using the toilet paper down to the last few squares without getting a new roll.
  • People abbreviating words when they speak (Rachael Ray).
  • Rude people talking at movies (you know who you are).
  • Barking dogs.
  • Having to explain the same thing more than once to the same person.
  • People who don’t flush the toilet.
  • When coffee spills out of the top drinking hole of your cup at Dunkin Donuts.
  • Anyone who can’t speak a complete sentence without using the word “like” five or six times.
  • People who can’t use any pronoun except the word “dude”.
  • People who are constantly touching their genitals (men and boys).
  • People who bring babies to movie theaters.

I’ve got to stop this foolishness.  If I add just one more item to this list I’ll start annoying myself and for some reason that just seems wrong.  I think it’s time for all of you to make your own list.  It’s annoying that you haven’t completed one already.

03-07-2016 Journal – SPAM!   Leave a comment

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SPAM . . . I’m not sure who coined that term for unwanted emails but it truly is an insult to such a delicious meat.  As we all know you can’t spend much time on the Net without finding yourself inundated with SPAM. I always thought I was careful about filling out forms or taking stupid surveys, a sure way to get your name out to the spammers. I’ve come to find out that I failed miserably.

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Six months ago in a moment of boredom I was sitting at my computer looking for something to do. Absentmindedly I inquired of a well known mortgage company about some of the new government programs. To say the least that was a huge mistake that I’ve been paying for ever since.  Over the last six months I’ve had to unsubscribe from an endless number of websites for every product currently known to man.

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I spend a few minutes of each day unsubscribing the current batch of SPAM with assurances that in a week I’ll have been eliminated from their call lists. The torrent of sites is finally down to less than two or three a day but overall it has totaled more than four hundred in the last six months.

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I’ve tried to backtrack many of them to a source I could contact and threaten to no avail. It’s been a frustrating effort with no one to take my frustration out on.  I’ve known a lot of people over the years but I’ve never met anyone who would admit to being a spammer. People will admit to being drug dealers before admitting to spamming. At least the drug dealer is selling a product and not simply harassing and endlessly annoying hundreds of thousands of people.

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‘Just so you know this is the good SPAM.’

I’ll keep trying to discover one person I can take out my anger on.  I could easily be persuaded to violence against anyone who has the balls to stand in front of me and admit to spamming.  It would be worth a few days in the local county jail for assaulting that someone and I suspect there isn’t a jury anywhere that would convict me. Everyone hates spammers and that might be the reason those bastards keep themselves so well hidden.

As they used to say on Hill Street Blues

"Be careful out there."

12-16-2015 Journal – The Christmas Ho–Hums!   Leave a comment

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I think the arrival of Christmas Day may be just a bit anticlimactic this year. Maybe not for you (if you have kids) but for me I’m afraid it could be. I bought my first presents back in July of this year in my lame attempt to get as much of the preparation done as early as possible. I accomplished that easily enough but little did I know there’d be a huge downside to it as well.

So today is the sixteenth of December and in about an hour I’ll be mailing off four Christmas cards to my family members.  For all intents and purpose Christmas is already over for me, I’m just sitting around waiting for the day to get here. Then I can move on to the next holiday, then the next one after that, and on and on and on it goes. 

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‘And a merry little Christmas to you all.’

My attempt to do all of my shopping online this year was only 85% successful. Hopefully by next year I’ll have figured out a better way to do things. I purchased a number of gift cards this year from different business and will hand them out as needed but next year I’ll order them on line and have them mailed direct. Thank you ever so much Amazon. I can even get my regular gifts ordered online, have them gift wrapped, and sent on their way with a card. Easy peasy, right?

I know some of you out there will accuse me of having no real Christmas spirit. That I’m losing that personal touch by not elbowing my way through throngs of idiots to make my purchases.  I’ll be forced to miss out on parking problems, arrogant store employees, and the many fine citizens who insist on being a-holes or even worse. I’ll certainly miss all of those high pressure sales people who love getting in my face to annoy and irritate me as I stroll through the mall. How can I possibly choose not to smell the body odor of hundreds of overdressed and sweaty shoppers. If that doesn’t get you into the Christmas spirit nothing will.

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As you can plainly see, I’m bored out of my effing skull waiting for the day to finally arrive.  Am I excited? Yes! Will the day meet and exceed my expectations? I can only hope.  The only saving grace will be the grand children. A couple of excited smiles from them will make up for all the BS that seems to be more of a requirement these days than ever before.

EIGHT SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

And coming all too soon:

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10-03-2015 Journal–A Really Early Holiday Message!   Leave a comment

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‘This is written with my tongue lodged firmly in my cheek.’

Where did our Summer go?  It seems like just a short time ago we were complaining about the heat and humidity and WHAM, all of a sudden we’re rolling into October and looking down the tunnel at that proverbial bright light approaching at seventy miles an hour. That light is the damn holiday season quietly sneaking up on us. It’s October for God’s sake. Doesn’t anyone care that it just too damn early to be worrying about the holidays.  Stop the madness people. 

I was in Lowe’s yesterday visiting my better-half who was tied up with a number of other employees doing their Christmas reset. Just shoot me now, please. What the hell are they thinking.

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These retailers claim they start their seasonal BS  early because of the huge demand for their holiday products.  Honestly, when was the last time you ever heard anyone . . . that’s ANYONE say they were happy about seeing the Christmas season starting in early October.  Never!!  The truth of the matter is that the demand is created by the retailers themselves who lower their prices just enough to entice customers to the store.  They can be so disingenuous at times it makes me crazy. It just goes to show you how stupid they think we the shopping public are.  And sadly they’re right!

I refuse to be manipulated anymore.  No early holiday nonsense for me, no Black Friday idiocy, and no paying attention to the thousands of emails that will be clogging my mailbox over the next ten weeks.  I’m done with it. 

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I plan on spending exactly fifteen minutes on Christmas shopping this year  and thank God for Amazon. A five minute walk-in at Toys R Us for two gift cards, a five minute walk-in at Home Depot for one gift card, and finally five minutes to order seven additional gift cards from Amazon. That leaves just a few gifts I need to purchase for my better-half which will be ordered on-line as well and shipped directly to our house.

Stick those gift cards in an envelope with a Christmas card and a short note and you’re DONE.  No more stress, no more purchases of gifts that no one really wants or appreciates. Get your gift cards in the mail, buy what you want, and leave  me alone.  I never intend to spend more than an hour on Christmas preparations ever again. 

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I’m only asking Santa Clause for Amazon or Kindle gift cards this year since I’ve been very, very good. I’ve spent too many years getting clothing I hate and would never dare to wear, smiling and lying about how much I liked that fruit cake I received, and all of the required traveling around the countryside in terrible weather to visit people. I’m sorry folks, it’s nothing personal, but in my opinion if you’ve seen one Christmas tree you’ve seen them.  So here is my collective seasons greetings for most of you in case I forget later.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

HAPPY HANUKKAH

HAPPY STUPID KWANSA

HAPPY SEINFELD FESTIVAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY NEW YEAR

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I’m exhausted already from just listing all of this foolishness.  I wish I could just go find a cave and hibernate until February 15.  It would make for one of the best holiday seasons ever if I could.

BAH HUMBUG

09-24-2015 Journal–My Own Private Sh*t List!   Leave a comment

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Anyone who ever met my late father and had  more than a two minute conversation with him was sure to have heard the term "Sh*t List".  Some one was always being added to his never ending list and included almost anyone who ever annoyed or irritated him.

He and I disagreed on many things but I really loved the idea a list of people, places, or things that ruined my day in some fashion.  My better-half and I adopted the practice a number of years ago and swore to each other to keep our candidates on the list only until they reversed their offensive actions. They could then be removed after a probationary period that included one additional visit from us showing remorse for their questionable actions or bad attitudes. It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it and there are times when I wish it wasn’t me.

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Our list contains the names of dozens of retail cashiers and managers who were rude or just plain ignorant. In most cases that included the retailer they worked for and who permitted their bad behavior without taking appropriate action.  Walmart has been on and off the list at least three times already and we been forced to keep a close eye on them.  Home Depot was a regular offender until recently when their latest customer service program began producing excellent results.

If you’re wondering why I’m posting this information, let me explain. We consider it a public service to let people know where the places that suck are located.  Today’s announcement concerns the Appleby’s restaurant located in Biddeford, Maine.

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Four years ago we placed them on the list for their high prices and less than delicious food.  Their waitresses were unfriendly and a bit snotty.  We waited a few years until we’d heard of a major menu change to more of a bistro or sports bar style of food.  After our next visit we were thrilled to remove them from the Sh*t List.  Major improvements were observed in all categories.

I’m saddened to report that Appleby’s is once again back on the list. They seem to have become complacent once again and are backsliding into the proverbial dumpster.  Since they’re a second time offender we won’t be returning for at least a year to check on them.

Being a public servant can be really inconvenient at times because we’re slowly running out of restaurants where we can eat.

WE ARE EQUAL OPPORTUNIT SH*T LISTERS

08-12-2015 Journal – Computers, Reading & Boredom!   Leave a comment

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I feel like I’m in a rut of late which means this posting may ramble a bit. I seem to spend most of my time these days doing yard work, gardening, fighting with my computers, exercising, and reading endlessly.  I’ve complained for decades that I never seemed to have enough time to read as much as I’d like and now I do.  I should know by now to be careful what I wish for.

I set a goal for 2015 to read two books a week. I thought that was an unreachable number but something still worth shooting for. Believe it or not I’m ahead of schedule for the first seven months with a total of fifty-eight books read.  I must have been out of my ever-loving mind. Since we decided to eliminate cable TV from our lives my reading time has increased ten fold. I’m making Amazon really happy because my purchases of Kindle books has also increased dramatically.

My better-half agreed to work a special two week schedule for Lowe’s requiring her to wake up at 3:00 am and to return home at 2:30 pm. Of course that also means she’s asleep by 7:30 pm giving us approximately five hours a day together.  Just what I didn’t need was more free time to read.

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I still love reading but OMFG.  This home has become a flop house for a cat who sleeps eighteen hours a day and for me who reads almost that much.

With the fiasco of Windows 10 making me crazier than usual and frustrating me beyond belief I immediately fell back to reading as a way to clear my head of all things “computer”. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d say something like this but I have no choice . . . Microsoft sucks!

Things have gotten so bad of late that I’ve actually considered going back to school just to have something to do. For someone who absolutely hated every school he’s ever attended, that quite the admission.

I’ve even thought about going back to a daily posting of this blog but decided against it. I’d rather start a new blog entirely to take a more critical look at current events and politics from my unusual and sarcastic perspective. I’m feeling a little meaner these days and with Obama on his way out the politicians of all parties have once again become fair game. It’s what our military would describe as a target rich environment.
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So to summarize . . . I’m freaking bored.

12-17-2014 Journal – Things I Once Hated VI   Leave a comment

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Well I’m in the home stretch of this process and my list of 100 has been whittled down to just 30.  Today will complete items 71-85 leaving only the last 15 to deal with on Thursday.  Let’s get right into it.

* * *

#71 Sean Penn – There’s no way in hell this item will ever change.  I can’t find any redeeming value in his work or his personality.  Unfortunately I can only hate up to 100% but with this guy I wish I could go higher. No improvement whatsoever.

#72 Jeans w/Holes – This is a look that even really beautiful women can’t pull off. I find it unsexy when someone is wearing clothes that just a few years ago I would have thrown away. I’m no longer going to hate these items of clothing but will admit to 100% feeling of Stupidity for the people who insist on wearing them. I get the same feeling when I see grown men wearing backward baseball caps.  100% improvement.

#73 Road Kill – Truly a disgusting display at any time but even worse in hot weather. Pair up disgusting with smelly and you’ve really got a winner. No improvement.

#74 Mohawks – There are variations of this item.  The large. crazy and oddly colored ones I hate.  The smaller and more contemporary Mohawks are subtle and don’t bother me near as much.  50% improvement.

#75 Belly Button Lint – If you stick your tongue into your lover’s belly button just once and come up with a lint ball stuck to it you can understand where I’m coming from. It’s like finding a short and curly hair on your pizza.  Unacceptable and no improvement.

#76 Stinky Garbage – I’ll claim a slight change of heart on this one.  Stinky garbage is something that annoys me 100%.  I think hate was too strong of a word. 100% improvement.

#77 Arrogant People – There are two types of arrogant people. There are those who are really good at what they do and they throw it in your face. Then there are those who are totally incompetent and use the arrogance as a defense mechanism.  Either way they both suck.  No improvement.

#78 Inverted Nipples – Nipples are meant to be appreciated and played with. I find it extremely difficult to do that when they’re inverted.  I really don’t hate any nipples so I’ll claim 100% improvement.

#79 Noisy Radios – Whether it’s in a restaurant, in a passing vehicle, or anywhere else it’s the most annoying thing ever. There’s a crime called "Disturbing the Peace" and I hate when someone does that to me by accident or intentionally. No improvement.

#80 The French – A liberal society with no sense of gratitude towards a country that saved their collective asses on two occasions.  If they get jammed up again I hope we have the good sense to let them work things out on their own. No surrender-monkey improvement.

#81 Gerbils – Disgusting  and creepy animals that serve no useful purpose that I can find.  They are worth buying just so they can be disposed of. No improvement.

#82 Wallflowers – Another item where hate was too strong a word. I just feel bad for anyone who is stuck in this kind of rut.  Most times they’ll grow out of it but some never do. 100% improvement.

#83 Road Tolls – Just another government intrusion into my wallet. I’ve always hated income taxes and even more so  these sneaky hidden ones. No improvement now or ever.

#84 Hairy Nipples – This primarily concerns just the females out there. These days many of them expect their men to be hairless. I think it’s only fair that they pay closer attention to our wishes about them. I just hate women with hairy nipples and I find it really strange when they’re confronted with it and claim ignorance of the problem. You’d think they might look down every so often and notice.  No improvement.

#85 Yellow Nail Polish – This is just something that bugs me. I’m sure there are a lot of younger women who go this route and love the color. I do not.  It looks like you have smoker’s fingers and that for me is a complete turnoff. Just give me neatly manicured nails with a dark blood red color. 50% improvement.

* * *

Fifteen more items to go and I can put this little project to bed.  I’ll post the final installment on Thursday and then a final evaluation on Monday.  Then it will be on to other things and completion of my 2015 New Year’s resolutions.

12-13-2014 Journal-Things I Once Hated V!   Leave a comment

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It’s time for installment number five of the “Things I Once Hated” in the hopes that it’ll show I’m no longer the hater I once was.  I keep telling people I’m mellowing with age but after listening to some of their comments I’m beginning to think they still aren’t believing me. I am getting mellower dammit! What’s wrong with all these people?  Let’s just get started on today’s items 56-70 before I get irritated even further.

* * *

#56 Vegans – These smelly people are no better than those religious types who insist on showing up at my house to irritate me.  Trying to convince me not to eat meat is like asking the pope not to pray so much.  It looks good on paper but it will never work.  No improvement here you stupid veggie eating, Kool-aid drinking, dipsticks.

#57 Greasy Sink Water – Thank god for Dawn dish detergent.  It’s helped me to eliminate this problem from my life which is reflected by my 50% reduction in hatred.

#58 Fake Boobs – As I’ve previously stated many times I love boobs. I’ll further qualify that statement by saying I still hate fake boobs.  Some of the fakes are nice to look at as a general rule many look a little strange.  Unless the women are willing to spring for the added expense of a nipple relocation they can get downright bizarre. No improvement.

#59 Ass Kissers aka Brown-Noser’s – Over the years I’ve worked with many of these folks and while it can be fun to watch them go through their antics I still can’t respect them or like them. No improvement.

#60 Waiting in Lines – This has always made me a little crazy.  With the development of e-readers and IPads it no longer bothers me quite so much. 50% improvement.

#61 Autopsy’s – This can never change.  I’ve been present at quite a few and it never gets any easier. No improvement.

#62 Bee Stings – This one has faded into my past and something I’ve finally learned to deal with. If they sting me now I just get the best bee killing insecticide on the market and kill every last one of the little bastards.  100% improvement.

# 63 Stinky Breath – To me this is just one step below Body Odor. What’s amazing to me is that 77.54% of people who have BO also have terrible breath.  Is there some sort of connection there?  Who knows?  No improvement.

#64 Illegal Aliens – Seeing as how my better-half’s son currently living in LA was rear ended by an unlicensed and uninsured illegal Mexican driver this week.  No freaking improvement.  Suck it Mr. President.

#65 Adam Sandler – I’ve totally changed my mind on Mr. Sandler. I’ve finally seen a few things of his that I really enjoyed. 100% improvement.

#66 Democrats – I’ll just refer you back to my comment on Liberals at item #36.  No improvement.

#67 Wet Farts – I don’t like having them and I don’t like sitting near someone else who’s having them.  PU!  No improvement.

#68 Feet Calluses – I’ll again refer you back to item #40, Corns.  There’s nothing as romantic as snuggling on the couch with your spouse and be forced to watch her sand her calluses or trim her toe nails. Ahhhhh, true love.  No improvement.

#69 Performing Artists -  These might be the most annoying of the street people with Mimes leading the pack.  For me they’re even worse than the homeless.  At least the homeless will go away after you give them a buck. These fools stick around and refuse to leave.  No improvement.

#70 Ugly or Fugly Feet – This item is not about Corns or Calluses.  It’s about just plain ugly feet.  Why is it that people with the ugliest feet also insist on wearing sandals to restaurants.  I’ve got a thing for feet and that’s the worst experience I could have. “Down With Ugly Feet”, now there’s your bumper sticker. No improvement.

* * *

That leaves only thirty more items before I complete the review of my list of 100.  I think I’m making good progress so far and I plan on posting the newly revised list once this review has been completed. 

Mr. Mellow signing off.

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