11-12-2015 – Phobias, Texts & Stupid People!   Leave a comment

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After admitting in my last post that I had an addictive personality got me to thinking.  I thought I knew myself pretty well when I was able to admit that I was also claustrophobic.  One phobia isn’t all that bad or so I thought.  I decided to dig into the Everyuselessthing archives to learn more about phobias.  I’m not sure that was such a great idea.  I discovered a list of phobias that aren’t commonly known and I think I may suffer from a few more than previously thought.  Here are a few examples:

Arachibutyrophobia – fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Automatonophobia – fear of ventriloquists’ dummies.

Coulrophobia – fear of clowns.

Geniophobia – fear of chins.

Phobophobia – fear of fear.

Pteronophobia – fear of being tickled by feathers.

Rupophobia – fear of dirt.

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I’ll only admit to having two additional phobias from that list and there isn’t a chance in hell I’ll tell you what they are.  As I finished denigrating myself for all of my stupid phobias I received an email from a friend in KC. He’s a senior + senior citizen  who’s been an internet rat since it’s inception.  It was a ‘Hi, How are you?’ message ending with AMBW. I answered him quickly because I had no freaking clue what that meant. I know LOL, WTF, and a few others but never really felt the need to learn more.  His AMBW means All My Best Wishes.  There seem to be so many of these in use I decided to find a few more. These were a small sampling of texting acronyms I’m sure I’ll use only sporadically.

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A3 – Anytime, Anywhere, Anyplace.

AFAIR – As Far As I an Remember.

ASAFP – As Soon As F**king Possible.

OMFG – Oh My F**king God.

AAI – Allah Already Informed

BITCH  – Babe In Total Control of Herself

CFI – Complete F**king Idiot

CRST – Can’t Remember Sh*t

If any of you ever decide to send me a text or email containing these sort of acronyms please include detailed explanations as well. Life’s way too short for me to waste my time trying to figure them out.

One last bit of amusement to entertainment you.  Years ago I was a police officer for the state of Pennsylvania.  Early in my career I was in the patrol unit and spent a great deal of time investigating accidents, both trivial and serious. I thought I’d heard all the stupid reasons people offer up to explain their accidents but these samples taken from actual insurance reports were new even to me.

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced over at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”

“In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.”

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.”

“The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

“As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.”

“I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.  Most of these were way better than the stories I was told but just as funny.  I think I’ve had enough of this for today. I have errands to run, pictures to take, coffee to drink, and people to watch. 

ENJOY THIS DAY, I KNOW I WILL.

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