Quote of the Day

“Calamity and Prosperity are the Touchstones of Integrity.”

Benjamin Franklin

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Joke of the Day #1

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He’s crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He craws to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and up pops a genie . . . But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray suit. There’s a calculator in his pocket and he has a pencil tucked behind one ear. “Well, kid,” says the genie. “You know how this works. You have three wishes. . .” “I’m not falling for this,” says the man. “I’m not going to trust a person from the IRS.” “What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!” says Mr. IRS. The man thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right. “Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink.” ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. “Okay, kid, what’s your second wish?” “My second wish is to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.” ***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “Okay kid you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!” After thinking for a few minutes, the man says, “I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me.” ***POOF*** He is immediately turned into a tampon. The moral of this story is that if the IRS offers you anything, there’s bound to be a string attached.”

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Limerick of the Day

A lap-dancing club is the place,

Where damsels, who’ve spurned social grace,

Will strip off their gear,

Stick a tit in your ear,

And waggle their bum in your face.

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Joke of the Day #2

Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job very soon.” The second woman says haughtily, “Oh, that’s nothing. I’m actually thinking of having my asshole bleached!” To which the first replies, “Whoa, I just can’t picture your husband has a blonde!”

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Wisdom of the Day

When the fox preaches, look to your geese.