Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Tag
I think we’ve all discovered the amount of weirdness online. It seems the weirder the post or vid the more likelihood of collecting a lot of clicks. Don’t ask me why. People crave being shocked and they seem to search out the bizarre for a cheap thrill. I like crazy and unusual as much as the next guy but I hesitate to follow some of the geniuses down their deep rabbit hole of truly strange and unusual fantasies. This post isn’t too strange because for me weird is only interesting if it’s true. These are true (LOL).
💞How To Find Your True Love 💞
Soak one of your socks in rose water, dry it out and put it under your bed. Send out nightly thoughts about your true love for a month, and then burn a red candle at sunset while thinking more about the object of your affections. Repeat for seven days.
❤️Here’s Another Way❤️
Pick a half-green half-red apple when the Moon is three days past full. Breathe on the green side and rub it with a red cloth while reciting this verse: “Fire sweet and fire red, warm the heart and turn the head.” Kiss the red half, and give it to the object of your desire. If he/she eats it he/she will fall under your spell.
⛈️Strange Rains⛈️
June 1901 -South Carolina – Cat fish, Perch, and Trout
August 1890 – Baghdad, Iraq – An edible substance (thought to be desert lichen of tamarisk) fell during a heavy shower. The locals gathered it up and made it into bread (Manna from heaven?)
1897 – Macerata, Italy – Millions of seeds from the Judas Tree dropped from a blood colored cloud.
1877 – Memphis, Tennessee – Hundreds of live snakes.
If you add up the time spent eating and drinking by an average person over the course of their entire life, it comes to approximately 5 years. This adds up to an estimated 33 tons of food you’ve eaten, which is the equivalent of six entire elephants. Unfortunately what goes in must eventually come out. The result is during your lifetime you will produce a pile of poo about the size of a medium sized car. Some animals, other than humans, that love to eat poo include rats, mice, rabbits, dung beetles, flies gorillas, and dogs.
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SO MUCH FOR TODAYS WEIRDNESS
I recently began rereading Isaac Azimov’s “The Foundation Series“. I’ve read it at least four or five times over the years which probably makes me a crazy rabid Azimov fan. Since I’ve lately reintroduced him to my brain, todays post will include a few of his limericks. While he was a prolific writer of books, he was also a lover of all things limerick. In company with a friend and fellow writer, John Ciardi, they’ve written hundreds of limericks both funny and many times a little bawdy. Here are a few to make you smile.
💥
There was a young woman named Betty
Who thought waterbeds rather petty.
The results were less hasty,
She thought, and more tasty,
If one screwed on a plate of spaghetti.
💥💥
A young nun from Long Beach, California,
Said, “I think it’s important to warnia
That though seeming a saint
I’ve an awful complaint,
I am just getting steadily hornia.”
💥💥💥
A certain young man was so deft
That he left his poor girl quite bereft.
He put it in slickly
Then pulled it out quickly
And before she had felt it, he’d left.
💥💥💥💥
The excitement produced by Miss Whipple
Was very much more than a ripple.
She was covered with clothes
From her head to her toes
Save for delicate holes at each nipple.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
THANK YOU ISAAC!
I’m having a day of total confusion. The sun is shining brightly but the temperature remains in the forties. I desperately want to begin using the deck to relax and read a book but it’s hard when you’re wearing gloves and two layers of clothing. Now I’m back at the computer and deciding which limericks I’ll be using. There’s no theme to these limericks just five that tickled my fancy and I hope they do the same for you.
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There once was a son-of-bitch,
Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,
Yet the girls he would dazzle,
And screw to a frazzle,
And then ditch them, the son-of-bitch.
💥💥
There was a young girl from Berlin
Who was screwed by an elderly Finn,
Though he diddled his best,
And screwed her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?”
💥💥💥
There was a young man man from Dumfries
Who said to his girl, “If you please,
It would give me great bliss
If while playing with this,
You would pay some attention to these!”
💥💥💥💥
There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a gal in the mood,
The question’s not woody but could he?
❤️❤️❤️
And here’s a favorite for those avid readers out there.
📕📗📘📙
There’s a young lady in Tobruk
Who refers to her pussy as a nook.
It’s deep and it’s wide,
You can curl up inside
With a nice easy chair and a book.
HAPPY ALMOST SPRING
Many years ago I came upon a book of poetry titled MIRACLES compiled in 1966 containing poems from English speaking children from around the world. Any time I’m feeling down or depressed I return to the poetry in that book. The name of the authors and their age will be listed at the time the poetry was collected. With luck the authors are now in their forties and fifties and I hope they’ve continued with their poetry writing. They’ll never know how much pleasure they’ve given me over the years. I hope you enjoy them as well.
📝
GROWNUPS
By Mark Duskin, Age 10, United States
Grownups are silly,
They never drink coffee
When it’s served
To them.
They just talk
And never drink it
Until it’s cold.
Isn’t that silly?
I haven’t grown
Since I was five
I haven’t grown at all –
Grownups are just getting shorter.
📝📝
ADORABLE
By Martin O’Connor, Age 10, New Zealand
I am a nice boy
More than just nice,
Two million times more
The word is . . . ADORABLE
📝📝📝
PEARLS ON THE GRASS
By Geeta Mohanty, Age 13, India
After the beautiful rain,
The rocks shine under the sun,
Like the droplets on the cobweb
Amongst the green, green grass.
📝📝📝📝
HOURS
By Susan Morrison, Age 11, Australia
Hours are leaves of life
and I am their gardener . . .
Each hour falls down slow.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
SPECIAL THANKS TO RICHARD LEWIS
I try to be an avid reader of just about everything. I really enjoy reading poetry as well as being hooked on history. With today’s post I’ll try to mix those two interests. We’ll look back many years to the so-called sophisticated British Empire to find some of the most outrageous limericks and dirty jokes. It seems people are just people regardless of the time period they’re born into. The following piece of history (and I use the term loosely) will make some of you smile and some others cringe. The date of this little gem as best that can be determined was the year 1612. I’ll let you determine it’s value (if you can find any). Enjoy this piece from our sophisticated and disturbing ancestors titled “The Wooing Rogue”.
Come live with me and be my Whore
And we will beg from door to door,
Then under a hedge we’ll sit and delouse us.
Until the Beatle and come to rouse us.
And if they’ll give us no relief
Thou shalt turn Whore and I’ll turn Thief.
❤️❤️❤️
If thou can’st rob them I can steal
And we’ll eat roast-meat at every meal:
Nay! We’ll eat White bread every day
And throw out mouldy Crusts away,
And twice a day we will be drunk
And then at Night I’ll kiss my punk.
❤️❤️❤️
And when we both shall have the Pox,
We then shall want Shirts and Smocks
To shift each others mangy hide
Is with itch so pockified:
We’ll take some clean ones from a hedge
And leave our old ones for a Pledge.
❤️❤️❤️
Isn’t that the most romantic love poem ever? I agree it wasn’t nearly as interesting as works by Emily Dickenson or Robert Frost but it grabbed my heart and soul tightly and rightly. I sure wish I could have lived back then just to met the unknown author and to shake his hand. (Only after it had been thoroughly washed, of course). (SATIRE OFF)
WHO DOESN’T LOVE THOSE OLD ROMANTIC BRITS
I’ve been told for many years by a host of dog loving family members, neighbors, and assorted experts that “dogs are a mans best friend“. I think in some cases that’s true based on my years of experience with my father who raised and trained beagles. Our house was constantly filled with herds of puppies and I had the misfortune of shoveling a few thousand wheelbarrow loads of dog sh*t as one of my many disgusting chores. I’ve owned a few dogs over the years but finally came to realize and admit that I’m quite simply a “cat person“. I still like dogs but only if they’re someone else’s. Todays post is primarily for all of you dog lovers out there and includes a few of my favorite dog jokes which don’t require me to shovel anything.
What do you call a gathering of Pomeranians at a bar? YAPPY HOUR
What’s a dogs favorite wine? PLEASE, PLEASE, THROW MY BALL.
What are a dogs three favorite drinks at the bar? A MUTTINI, A COSMOPOODLETIN, AND AN AVALANCHE FOR ALL THOSE ST. BERNARDS OUT THERE.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Oh, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”
Dogs will come if you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you.
My Favorite Dog Haiku
The sound of dog treats
Shaking inside their box
It’s like the angels singing.
A police officer and his K-9 partner were sitting in a parked police van on the side of the road. A little boy looked in the back of the van, then came around to the officers window and knocked. The office rolled down the window. “Is that a dog you’ve got back there?” the boy asked. “It sure is.” the policeman replied. The boy looked back at the van, then back to the officer. “What did he do?” asked the boy.
🐈🐈🐈
🐱🐱🐱
CATS RULE !!!!!
I realize that it may be a little too early to be posting on this subject but what the hell. Every year I tease myself by listing a number of resolutions for the new year. My success rate leaves much to be desired but occasionally I actually DO complete a few. I’m posting early because my rate of success this year has been dismal. I’d blame some of it on my better-half who just completed her first year of retirement. To say she’s been a huge distraction is an understatement – goodbye to my wonderful days of PEACE & QUIET. Here’s my list for 2025 and all my lame excuses.
Read at least 100 books by years end (more if possible). If I finish reading my current book by years-end I will have read only 88 books. FAILED
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas. COMPLETED
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before. FAILED – Due to my total lack of interest and laziness. Maybe this coming year I can get it done.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments. COMPLETED – I’ve shown more patience than ever before but I have a long way to go to satisfy her.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading. FAILED – Completed a few poems and a couple of limericks but I wasn’t happy with the less than adequate results.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words. COMPLETED – This may have been the easiest one to complete. It’s official, and thanks to day care, school, and some family adults the “F-Bomb” has been released. I’m so proud!!
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizarre health tips from the Internet. COMPLETED – Thanks to all you internet experts and your misguided and incorrect medical BS.
My final tally was disappointing – 4 of 7 completed. I still have a few weeks to give a great deal of thought for my resolutions for 2026. It’s good to set goals even if you’re reasonably certain they won’t all be met.
🎊🎊🎊
BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR
I’ve been on a roll of late with a collection of weird and unusual trivia facts but I think today I’m taking it one step further. I like weird and strange! I’ve never denied it and I’ll prove once again by offering up more information that isn’t common knowledge. Humans are imaginative and creative and extremely strange at times. Here’s proof of that and I hope you enjoy it. Inventions of the WEIRD.
🤷🤷🤷
The Motorized Ice Cream Cone: ( Patent issued in 1999)
Just push the handy on/off switch on the side of the cone and your ice cream will spin around and around, and all you have to do is stick out your tongue.
Pet Petter: (Patent issued in 1989)
If you don’t have the time to constantly coddle your pet, the Pet Petter does. An electric eye sees your pet and signals the electronic motors to start swinging a petting arm tipped with a humanlike hand.
Toilet Snorkel: (Patent issued in 1982)
In most fires, it’s the smoke that will get you, and a source of fresh air can be a lifesaver. So here it is – a way to snake a snorkel through the zigs and zags of your toilet, so you can brief underwater.
Motorcycle Airbag: (Patent issued in 1989)
An all-over body suit airbag designed to cushion the motorcyclist’s fall in an accident. Air is forcibly ejected from the bike, the suit swells from compressed gas. It covers the arms, legs, and torso, along with a soft landing.
Life Expectancy Watch: (Patent issued in 2002)
This invention counts backwards toward the date of your eventual demise. You program the watch by answering a series of questions about your lifestyle such as exercise, eating habits, and alcohol and tobacco use. Your remaining time is conveniently displayed in years.
👌👌👌
A FAVORITE FUN FACT
Thomas Edison filed 1,093 patents, including those for the light bulb, electric railways, and the movie camera. When he died in 1931, he held 34 patents for the telephone, 141 for batteries, 150 for the telegraph, and 389 patents for electric lights and power.
HUMANS CAN BE VERY STRANGE
It’s been a miserable few days trying to get my systems back into operation. After four days I can finally return to the blog. It will probably take me another few weeks before things return to abnormal. This post will concern quotes from prominent people about politics. It seems to be all the rage nowadays so I decided to get on board with all of the other wackos. Here goes nothing . . .
My Quote of the Day
“Technology is a queer thing. It brings you
great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you
in the back with the other.”
(C. P. Snow)
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.” Oscar Ameringer
“No man should be in public office who can’t make more money in private life.” Thomas Dewey
“The cardinal rule of politics – never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.” J.R Ewing (Dallas)
“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” John F. Kennedy
“One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.” Robert Kennedy
🤞🤞🤞
“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.” Nikita Krushchev
“Socialism is workable only in heaven, where it isn’t needed, and in hell, where they’ve got it.” Cecil Palmer
With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law, it’s a joke.” Will Rogers
“My choice early in life was to be either a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, There’s hardly any difference.” Harry Truman
“If God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten Commandments – we’d have the Ten Suggestions.” Malcolm Bradbury
👌👌👌
THANK GOD ONLY ONE OF THEM CAN WIN!
(Bumper sticker from the Kennedy-Nixon campaign in 1960)
In recent months the political world seems to have taken over virtually all discussions. While those discussions are of supreme importance, a constant drumbeat of gloom, doom, and lying takes its toll on a person. Todays post is my attempt to lighten the mood a little. Here are the thoughts and hopes of a much younger generation ( that hasn’t been scarred by an overload of political thinking.
❤️
By Jane Brown, United States
I like to feel my father’s whiskers,
They feel so very funny when I try to kiss him,
But when he shaves it does not tickle,
But still I wonder what my mother does.
❤️❤️
By Beverley Dinsdale, New Zealand
Dark fills the sky with his big black cloak,
You never hear him him come.
One by one the stars peep through,
Out comes the moon like a big yellow egg.
❤️❤️❤️
By Susan Heitler, United States
The candle screamed with fury,
Hot tears trickled down her face.
With figure slumped,
She lowly dwindled into shadows
❤️❤️❤️❤️
By Annabel Laurance, Uganda
I have a little brain
Tucked safely in my head
And another little brain
Which is in the air instead
That follow me, and plays with me
And talks to me in bed
The other one confuses me,
The one that’s in my head.
💕💕💕💕💕
SPECIAL THANKS TO RICHARD LEWIS
everyuselessthing.com 