Archive for the ‘limerick’ Tag

09/10/2022 Looney Limerick Alert   Leave a comment

It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!

By Frank Jacobs

There once was a skunk in the dell

Who hated all people , they tell;

“Human beings,” he said,

Always fill me with dread,

Plus they give off that terrible smell!”

*****

By Mary Mapes Dodge

There once was a knowing raccoon

Who didn’t believe in the moon;

“Every month – don’t you see?

There’s a new one,” said he;

No real moon could wear out so soon.!”

*****

By Frank Jacobs

A very large woman name Kate

Is six hundred pounds overweight;

On an overseas trip

She transported by ship

In a wooden container marked “Freight.”

*****

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes;

I’d rather have ears than a nose;

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there;

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND

05/24/2022 Hmmmmm!   Leave a comment

JUDGE REARRESTS LIMERICK ADDICT

After requesting limericks from readers yesterday I really didn’t expect too much of a response. Much to my surprise at 1:15 am I received the following limerick from an anonymous reader. The email was a one liner, “Here’s my favorite feminist limerick.” And here it is just as received:

There was young lady of Wheeling

Who professed a lack of sexual feeling.

But a cynic named Boris

Just touched her clitoris,

And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.

I love anything that makes me laugh out loud and this limerick did. I’m not sure who exactly emailed it, but it has a definite female feel. What do you think?

And to end this post on a fun note, a happy yet stupid newspaper headline.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

(Space gas . . . who knew?)

HAVE A GREAT DAY

05/20/2022 ☘Dirty Limerick Alert☘   1 comment

I was awakened at 2:30 this morning by one of those annoying Mother Nature calls. I visited her briefly and upon returning to my bed, tried to fall back asleep. During those few minutes of half-sleep some of the words of the following limerick popped into my head. I made a quick note in my cell phone and went to sleep. This morning a did a little editing and the finished limerick was born. I have absolutely no idea where or why it came to me but here it is. This is for all of you limerick and nursery rhyme aficionados.

JACK & JILL

Jack and Jill climbed up a hill on Nantucket.

He brought a few condoms and she an old bucket.

The bucket was tossed, and Jill’s virginity was lost,

When she decided to fuket not suket.

(Who needs water anyway.)

❤❤❤

❤❤

🌻🌷R.I.P. Courtney🌷🌻

04/28/2022 Mish Mosh   1 comment

Stupid Headline

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Stupid Bumper Sticker

Be Careful-90% of People are Caused by Accidents

Smart Quote

“Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens.”

Aldous Huxley 1959

Stupid Quote

“If you stay here much longer, you’ll be slitty eyed”

Prince Philip to British students in China

Rude Limerick

A hapless young fellow named Schmuck,

Considers himself out of luck.

Though he’s petted and wooed,

When he tries to get screwed,

He finds that virgins don’t give a fuck.

THE WEEKEND IS COMING

04/16/2022 😁Alerts😝   2 comments

First, a retro bumper sticker from the 1970’s:

SORRY, I DON’T DATE OUTSIDE MY SPECIES

Secondly, an off-the-wall NY Yankee headline:

A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt.

Thirdly, a quote all Americans should read and remember:

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”

Adlai Stevenson

And last but not least a memorable limerick about limericks:

The limerick’s an art form complex,

Whose contents run chiefly to sex.

It’s famous for virgins

And masculine urgings,

And vulgar, erotic effects.

04/05/2022 Utter Nonsense   Leave a comment

STUPID HEADLINE

DEER WITH BIG RACK IS FEMALE, IT TURNS OUT

RETRO BUMPER STICKERS

I’M BI-COASTAL

RETIRED. NO PHONE. NO ADDRESS. NO MONEY

ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS EFFING CAR

BEYOND BITCH

BEER MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY

STUPID QUOTES by Ralph Kiner

Ralph Kiner, Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame slugger, was the broadcast voice of the Mets in the 60’s. For all of you baseball fans out there, here are a few of his gems.

“Today is Father’s Day, so to all of you fathers out there, we’d just like to say, Happy Birthday!”

“Solo homers usually come with no one on base.”

“Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”

If Casey Stengel were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave.”

ONE RUDE LIMERICK by Isaac Azimov

There was an old fellow from Tripoli

Who used to make love rather nippily.

Said his angry young lass

While rubbing her ass,

“Less teethily, please, and more lippily.”

🍆🍆🍆

THANKFULLY SPRING IS COMING SOON

❤Limerick Alert❤   2 comments

JB was a naive little shit

Because no-one would tickle her tit.

It would’ve made her so glad

To be had by a lad,

Her panties moistened at the mere thought of it.

🍆Limerick Alert🍆   7 comments

While undressing a nurse named JV,

Her seducer observed: “So I see

That a nipple a day

Keeps the doctor away,

Think how healthy these two must be!”

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

Christmas Eve the night of all nights.

Flying around delivering toys a delight.

It certainly helps when the flask from the elves,

Helps Santa sleep better at night.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

There was a farmer named Gary
Whose mule was getting contrary.
Gary painted him red,
A green hat on his head.
Sold him as a huge Christmas fairy.

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