Archive for the ‘limerick’ Tag

šŸŒ²Christmas LimerickšŸŒ²   Leave a comment

The Bad Elf

There was an elf too tired to work,

He called Santa a big fat jerk.

He grabbed up some toys,

Making almost no noise

And fled to Club Med with a clerk.

Posted December 3, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm, Trivia

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šŸŒ²Christmas LimerickšŸŒ²   Leave a comment

Old Santa got drunk on warm ale

“I’m too old for Christmas” his wail

“But what of the toys

For the good girls and boys?”

“I’ll have Amazon send them by mail!”

Posted December 2, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Sarcasm, Limericks

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11/28/2021 šŸŒ²Christmas LimerickšŸŒ²   Leave a comment

I thought I would kick off the Christmas season with a proper limerick: 26 Shopping days to go . . .

There was an old elf named Bing

He was good at only one thing

He was clumsy with tools

And broke all the rules

But boy could that son-of-a-bitch sing.

Posted November 28, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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šŸ—Thanksgiving LimerickšŸ—   2 comments

There once was a turkey named Dunn

Thanksgiving, for him, wasn’t fun

He was the main source

Of dinner, of course

And when it was through, he was done.

Posted November 24, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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šŸ—Thanksgiving LimerickšŸ—   Leave a comment

“When Thanksgiving is misty and murky

And you’re indoors all happy and perky

There’ll be people to greet

Lots of goodies to eat

But just spare a thought for the turkey.”

Posted November 23, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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11/22/2021 šŸ—Thanksgiving LimerickšŸ—   Leave a comment

“The turkey did not turn out fine.

So I thought I would break out the wine.

By dessert they were wasted

From the wine that they tasted

And they all thought the dinner divine.”

Posted November 22, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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11/21/2021 ***1st X-Mas Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

The drinks left for him by each bed,

Had gone straight to old Santa’s head;

He was found off the road,

With an upside-down load,

And himself slumped, dead drunk, in his sled!

Posted November 21, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks

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***LimerickšŸ’—Alert***   5 comments

There was a young lady named Jo

Who was serviced four times in a row;

When she cried: “Give me more!”

A weak voice from the floor

Protested: “I just can’t, it’s too sore.”

Posted November 15, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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11/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   2 comments

“Far more precious to me than my treasure.”

JB loudly announced, “Is my leisure;

I am happy to screw

The retirement home’s crew –

“They are slow, but that lengthens the pleasure!”

Posted November 12, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Just Saying Again, Limericks

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11/10/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

In the street, a big lady from Fareham,

Would take out her tits to compare’em;

She explained: As I’m blessed

With great mounds on my chest,

it’s a bit of a shame not to share’em.

Posted November 10, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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