I thought since it’s another gray, wet, and crappy day I’d get lazy and throw a collection of useless information your way. There’s no rhyme or reason just a whole lot of nonsensical facts.

Odd Newpaper Headlines

• Miners Refuse to Work After Death

• Stolen Painting Found by Tree

• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Ridiculous Newspaper Classified Ads

• For Sale: Two wire-mesh butchering gloves, one 5 finger, one 3 finger, pair $15.00.

• Free Puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel – 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

• Georgia Peaches – California Grown – 89 cents a pound.

• Joining nudist colony, must sell washer and dryer – $300.

• For Sale: an antique desk suitable for a lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Malaprops (From Student Essays)

• A rolling stone gathers no moths.

• The battle was won due to gorilla warfare.

• The store was closed for altercations.

• The Second Amendment gives citizens the right to bare arms.

Attorneys and Friends (Actual Court Testimony)

• How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the accident?

• You say the stairs went down to the basement? Did they also go up?

• Can you give us an example of something you’ve forgotten?

• Now, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

JUST PLAIN SILLINESS