Archive for the ‘classified ads’ Tag

09/09/2022 “CLASSIFIED ADS”   Leave a comment

I decided to dig into the archives for a few of my favorite classified adds from a number of sources. How many of these would motivate you to call?

  • Free puppies . . . part German Shepherd/part dog.
  • Cows, calves never bred . . . also one gay bull for sale.
  • Full sized mattress: 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
  • Free, one can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 bedroom, 2 bath home.
  • Get a Little John. The Traveling Urinal – holds two and half beers.

  • Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.
  • American Flag – 60 stars – pole included – $100.00.
  • Our sofa seats the whole mob – and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
  • Open House – Body Shapers Toning Salon – Free Coffee and Donuts.
  • Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef $2.25, Children $2.00.

As I’ve heard it said so many times in the past: “You just can’t make this shit up!” After reading through Craig’s List, it wasn’t much better there. Yikes!

GIANT A-HOLE FOR SALE . . . CALL THE WHITE HOUSE ASAP

06/18/2022 “Classified Ads”   Leave a comment

I thought I’d regale you with more of that useless information I continue to collect. Since everyone seems to be so fascinated by Craigs List ads and personal ads on those numerous dating sights, I thought today would be a good day for me to jump into that end of the pool. Here is a collection of classified ads that are strange, odd, misprinted, and really funny. Would you be the person to respond to ads like this? I’ll bet you would.

  • “Wanted: Man, to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.”
  • “Our experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”
  • “Wanted: Widower with school-aged children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to the growth of the family.”
  • “One man, seven-woman hot tub – $850/Offer.”
  • “Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.”
  • Free: One can of pork & beans with the purchase of a three bedroom, two bath home.”
  • “Full-sized mattress: 20-year warranty, like new, slight urine smell.”
  • “Nice parachute – never opened – used only once – slightly stained.”
  • Found: Dirty white dog . . . looks like a rat . . . been out a while . . . better be a reward.”
  • For sale: An antique desk suitable for a lady with thick legs and large drawers.”

It seems to me after reading all of these ads they’re no worse than those approved and published by numerous stupid newspaper editors across the country.

ONLY THEIR SPELLCHECKER SEEMS TO WORK

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