Archive for the ‘newspaper headlines’ Tag
I just love reading and listening to news and current events, not for their overwhelming truthfulness but for their misleading and sometimes stupid inaccuracies. Once upon a time the news was reported by actual journalists who dug up the information and submitted it to highly capable editors to keep things as accurate as possible. Unfortunately, these days we have a huge selection of news readers and talking heads with nice hair, big boobs, all handsome and beautiful, who all get their stories as reported to them by the general use wire services. They’re lucky if they can pronounce some of the words properly. Here are a few of my favorite headlines that are both ridiculous and ludicrous.
LARGER KANGAROOS LEAP FURTHER, RESEARCHERS FIND
ALCOHOL ADS PROMOTE DRINKING
CHILDS DEATH RUINS COUPLE’S HOLIDAY
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP
SURVEY FINDS DIRTIER SUBWAYS FTER CLEANING JOBS WERE CUT
SCIENTISTS SEE QUAKES IN L. A. FUTURE
MAN SHOOTS NEIGHBOR WITH MACHETE
I think these headlines have helped make my point. Pay close attention to all of those alleged reporters as you watch their multitude of news programs and opinion pieces!
To quote my ever so critical late father:
YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS S*** UP
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Once again here is a collection of what the hell ever”. A mixture of stupid advertisements, bumper stickers, and whatever else I happen to find on my desk. TGIAF (Thank God It’s Almost Friday)
Newspaper Headlines
Statistics Show that Mortality Increases Perceptively in the Military During Wartime
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
😗😗😗
Newspaper Classified Ads
Two wire-mesh butchering gloves, one 5-finger, oine 3-finger, pair: $15.00
Bill’s Septic Cleaning – “We haul American-made products.”
For Sale – An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
😜😜😜
Malaprops From Grade School and High School Exams
Afterward Moses went up on Mt. Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
Most words are easy to spell once you get the words write.
The air is thin high up in the sky. Down here it’s fat.
Flying saucers are just an optical conclusion.
The Greeks invented three kinds of columns: Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic.
😏😏😏
THIS IS GOOD PREP FOR THE WEEKEND
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House Passes Gas Tax on to Senate
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Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
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