Here’s the third list of stupid quotes as promised. I wouldn’t want the celebrities to feel left out. Regardless of what they say, they love any and all attention they can get. We should be soooooo proud.
- “When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes.” – Nicole Richie
- “I want to go to Egypt and Japan and opened orphanages… a chain of them.” – Lindsay Lohan
- “I have started smiling! I’ve mastered this smirk; it’s a smile that isn’t a smile.” – Victoria Beckham
- “To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.” – Celine Dion
- “Sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered.” – Jake Gyllenhaal
- “I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that’s how much power it felt like I had.” – P Diddy
- “There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don’t we try drinking rats’ milk and dogs’ milk?” – Heather Mills
- “I’m not a sexual person, really. I don’t really care about sex.” – Paris Hilton
- “It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.” – Lady Victoria Hervey
- “If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.” – Cyndi Lauper
- “I always wanted to be a hairdresser.” – David Beckham
- “I’ve always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I’m a little surprised that British intelligence has never approached me.” – Liz Hurley
- “There’s the perception Danni Minogue is the sweetest little thing in the world but she’s not… she’s got balls of steel.” – Sharon Osborne
- “I’ve been up and down so many times that I feel as if I’m in a revolving door.” – Cher
- “How the fuck am I supposed to get in then?” – Kate Moss, on being told that the only available toilet on a photoshoot location had no door.
WHEN IN DOUBT, USE THE “STUPID” ALERT BUTTON
Have you ever had a nickname? Is it a nice nickname or was it a name given to you by others that was mean and nasty like Ass-Wipe, Shit-for-Brains, or Dick-Face. For some reason I was never cool enough to have a nice nickname, I was always just plain John or worse. I’ve been called just about everything at one time or another but I never could get that cool nickname like the other kids always seem to have.
I had a friend whose nickname was Chiseled-Chin and he was really proud of that name claiming it to be a complement to his genetic heritage. His whole damn family had chin’s you can hang your hat on. I guess that tells me your nickname is what you make of it. Although, if you’ve got a really nasty one (Doggy Breath, Jeannie Jaws, No-Tits) it’s damn near impossible to turn it into something positive.
Even celebrities have nicknames and we seem to buy into them immediately without question. All Sean Combs needs to do to get a new nickname is to call a press conference and proclaim it to the world, “From this day forward I’m going to be called Puff Daddy”, and then a few months later it’s P-Diddy, and God knows what his next reincarnation will bring.
Really famous Hollywood types change their names to whatever the hell they please because their actual names just doesn’t look good “up in lights”. **AND STARRING TONIGHT **, Cheryl Sarkisian and Paul Rubenfeld. That’s actually Cher and Pee Wee Herman.
Richard Nixon was Tricky-Dicky and Terry Gene Bollette is Hulk Hogan. Would you buy a rap album from someone named Earl Simmons or do you throw your money at some badass guy named DMX. Would you get excited watching Frances Grumm dancing and singing her way down the yellow brick road to meet the wizard? Not likely.
I have to admit I’ve given out my share of nicknames to people, some good and some bad. The good ones can be flattering and I use them for many of the women I’ve dated, loved, and married. Beautiful, Sexy, Slim, or Gorgeous. The bad ones were mainly for people I disliked or those who had already tagged me with some sort of insulting nickname. Fair is fair after all. I’m offering all of you who’ve never had a real nickname to visit this website: namegeneratorfun.com. You enter your name and sex and it will create a list of potential nicknames that you can choose from. My final list of possible nicknames was Square Jaw, Johnski, Spanky, and Johnzy. I think I’ll choose SPANKY because it has such multiple interesting meanings. It’s like the program knows me personally or heard about me from someone else, it’s freaking amazing. (Sarcasm off)
So this is Spanky signing off for today. I hope each of you can find that perfect nickname to make your life complete.
SINCE KEVORKIAN PASSED AWAY, DR. DEATH IS UP FOR GRABS
everyuselessthing.com 