A few weeks ago, I posted about some language oddities called malaprops. To quote a reader who responded to that post, “Those things are like fingernails on a blackboard to me.” So, I thought today would be a good day to run some fingernails over that same blackboard, just for the fun of it. This time I’ll give you a list of malaprops written by grade schoolers, high schoolers, and a few college geniuses. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

• Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.

• The walls of Notre Dame Cathedral are supported by flying buttocks.

• Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

• Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

• People have sex, while nouns have genders.

• Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.

• Most words are easy to spell once you get the letters write.

• The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.

• The climate of the Sahara Desert is so hot that certain areas are cultivated by irritation.

• The United States Constitution was adopted to secure domestic hostility.

YOU GOTTA LUV OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM