Archive for the ‘maine mall’ Tag

09-13-2014 Journal Entry–Mall Safari!   Leave a comment

I’m sitting up in my bed and the electric blanket has been resurrected once again.  The nights are chilling down dramatically as reflected by my new morning wardrobe.  A heavy robe, wool socks, sweat pants, and an extra cup of steaming hot coffee.  Things like that can only be properly appreciated while sitting up in bed at a minimum of level 4 on the electric blanket.  Just saying.

Last night no one really wanted to cook the evening meal so we made a trek to the Maine Mall to window shop, eat some almost nutritious food at the food court, and possibly spend a little money.  Forgetting that it was a Saturday night was mistake number one.  The place was packed with large numbers of rude people all rushing around, pushing, shoving, and generally being ridiculous.  I also realized something else as we walked around observing many groups of teenagers huddled here and there looking for things to do. I’m truly glad I’m not married and don’t have any young daughters to worry about. 

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Any parent that permits their daughter to loiter around any mall just boggles my mind.  If any daughter of mine insisted on hanging out at a mall with her friends I’m afraid of what my reaction might be.  I can see myself in a tacky disguise scurrying around the mall, hiding behind plants, just to keep an eye on the activities of her and her friends. There are way too many unthinkable possibilities just waiting to happen in this kind of atmosphere.

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I was in dire need of a few new T-shirts and was intent on finding some.  We visited a store called ‘The Hot Topic’ where we seemed to be a little out of place.  It’s very much like a ‘Spencer’s’ without all of the sexual paraphernalia. My better-half and I were the only people in that crowded store over the age of 25.  I made my way to the back wall because I’d  been told they have offer quite the collection of T-Shirts made with images of vintage rock groups. 

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I decided some time ago to make a few changes to my boring wardrobe.  I concocted a few new rules to help make my life a little easier when it comes to making a personal fashion statement. 

  • No more white T-shirts of any kind. Being as clumsy as I am makes white t-shirts a nightmare.  Everything I eat eventually leaves it’s mark somewhere on the front of the shirt..
  • No more stupid or cute sayings on my shirts.  It make me either look stupid or uncute.
  • Buy only T-shirts about classic musical groups. There aren’t any current groups I’d allowed to be displayed on this body.
  • No more extra-large shirts.  I’m now just a large and proud of it.

I found a few shirts (see the photo’s) I absolutely loved, made my purchases and we headed to the food court.

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It’s a place with long lines, plastic sporks, and borderline delicious foods. There were representative kiosks from most Asians cultures as well as many of the standard American calorie and fat factories.  We pigged out on a  selection or two from Arby’s because the lines for Chinese food were too damn long. 

I think it’s quite possible the decline of this county was part of a well planned attack initiated  many decades ago by the Chinese.  I’ll bet years ago they decided as a first step towards invasion to build as many Chinese restaurants as they could in the US and get a large majority of the population addicted to their food.  If by chance over the next decade we begin to see Islamic restaurants springing up everywhere it could mean only one thing. Eventually this country will be the prize that goes to the winner of the Chinese/Muslim food wars.

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With indigestion in our near future we left the confines of the mall and headed home.  That Arby’s feast was so good it keep coming back up all night reminding us just how good it really wasn’t. 

Lesson learned, no more fast food from the food court.

12-11-2012   3 comments

I’m feeling a little more upbeat today and I think my shopping trip yesterday may have helped a bit.  I was searching diligently for my missing Christmas spirit and just when I found a little  of it  I lost it again immediately. An hour or two in a crowded mall getting elbowed and pushed around by damn near everyone can make that happen.  People are scurrying everywhere and willing to kick your ass to get at something they want before you do.  I was feeling non-combative so I stayed out of the line of fire and attempted to shop in a few stores. It does appear that common courtesy goes right out the window when it comes to Christmas shopping, especially in this Mall.

I should mention, this was the Mall that fired their Santa Clause last week because he was rude to the kids and their parents.  A rude Santa  in this Mall seems to me to be the ultimate irony.  They should set up a kiosk here somewhere selling copies of the “Bad Santa” movie.  I’m sure it would be a huge hit with all these intolerant and rude people roaming around.  It’s ironic as hell that rude shoppers from this Mall caused the Santa to be fired for being rude. How utterly stupid.

I stood in Best Buy for the longest time trying to find an associate to help me but I wasn’t pissed about the wait since the place was a freaking zoo.  Bad economy be damned as I watched IPods, IPads, tablets, and anything else you can think of going out the door in huge numbers. I’ve heard rumors that Best Buy has been having difficulties in this economy and closed stores that were unprofitable.  In my humble opinion they’re just a showroom for all of those Internet companies like Amazon.  You go on line and find the item you want.  You then run to Best Buy, check out the item and get your questions answered, and then return home to order it on line where the price is cheaper. They have their work cut out for them if they want to survive as a viable company.

I went to the Mall office and attempted to fill out an application for the currently vacant position of Santa.  No one took me seriously which really hurt my feelings.  I explained that I have the unusual ability to tell parents and their kids to “piss off” without actually saying it. A smile and a pat on the head and off they go.  They don’t realize they’ve been insulted until after they return home and even then they’re not really sure.  My secret dream of being Santa just wasn’t meant to be.  I’m going to try again next year after I spend a full year honing my rudeness skills to a level that will permit me to survive amongst the customers here. 

HO!, HO!, EFFING HO!

Posted December 12, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Just Saying

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