I always try to plan ahead for ideas for this blog but today I’m having a difficult time concentrating.  I’m a lover of all new technology and make it a point to stay up to speed with new software and hardware as it comes available. Today is one of those days that computer junkies fear the most.  No working internet connection.

We had a moderately heavy rainstorm last night and things were fine when I crashed into bed at 1 am.  I awoke this morning and my internet connection is dead. While my in-house network is still functioning thanks to a battery backup unit, good old Time Warner’s internet feed is missing in action. Unfortunately our house is located in a semi-dead spot for internet, GPS, and telephone reception.  I have range extenders for damn near everything but they also run in conjunction with the internet.

In order for me to make or receive calls today I’ll be forced to drive a few hundred yards up a nearby hill near the house to get just two bars.  My alarm system is sending me text messages on the phone (3G) telling me the system is off.  Damn, tell me something I don’t know.

In the past the system usually comes back on-line very quickly but not today. It’s been four hours already and still nothing.  And of course their telephone lines are busy, busy, busy.

Let’s kill some time today  while I wait for the internet to return by revisiting some things I truly enjoy and that’s limericks.  I’ve collected many, written a few, and they always seem to lean to the naughtier side of things. Some of the best I’ve ever seen have come from Great Britain because they’ve been writing them for centuries and have some of the naughtiest and funniest.  I’ll try to keep todays collection naughty but nice and I’ll skip the x-rated stuff for now. Here’s five of my fav’s.

#1

With a maiden a chap just begat

Bouncing triplets named Pat, Nat, and Tat;

Twas fun in the breeding,

But hell in the feeding;

As there wasn’t a spare tit for Tat.

#2

There once was a young lady named Hilda

Who went out with a top body-builder;

He said that he should,

That he could and he would,

And he did and it damn near killed her.

#3

A notorious harlot named Hearst

In the pleasures of men is well-versed;

Reads the sign at the head

Of her well rumpled bed;

“The customer always comes first”.

#4

There was a young fellow from Kent

Whose tool was incredibly bent;

To save himself trouble,

He put it in double,

And, instead of coming he went!

#5

As the elevator car left our floor,

Poor old Sue caught her boobs in the door;

She yelled a great deal,

But had they been real,

She’d have bellowed considerably more.

***

‘And one from an anonymous kid.’

Hopefully some time today I can get these posted but I’m at the mercy of the Time Warner road crews.  Here’s one of my own limericks I wrote after living in Maine for more than ten years.  No names have been used to protect the somewhat innocent.

There once was a young lady from Maine

Who ruined her dress with a stain.

She thought she was clever,

But her mother knew better,

And asked “What the hell is his name”.

It’s now  been eight hours without the internet and it just came back on.  “Better late than never.” should be scrawled somewhere on Time Warner’s Logo.

ENJOY YOUR DAY