12-30-2012   Leave a comment

It’s New Years Eve-Eve.  My sneaky scheme to convince my better-half to have  a small party for New Years seems to have gone the same route as many of my other sneaky schemes, no where. There was some discussion of our visiting friends for a few hours prior to midnight but I honesty don’t think that’s going to happen.  The last word I received yesterday was that we’re going to have a quiet night, just the two of us, for movies, Chinese food, and a marathon Scrabble game.  I know, I know, it’s sounds really exciting so just calm down before you have a heart attack. 

Most people don’t realize how exciting it is to spend time with us.  You think that big party in Times Square and the dropping of the Big Ball is something, your wrong.  Justin Bieber, Ryan Seacrest, and all of those other would be celebrities would kill to be sitting here again on our coach watching movies with us.  You could cut the excitement with a knife, a really big and sharp knife. 

Last year we threw a, New Years Day + 1, party so all of our celebrity friends from the so-so celebration in New Yorks Time Square could come to Maine the day after. We’re known far and wide for our fabulous gift bags that draw in the glitterati from all over the country and bring them up north to Maine.  Beautiful imitation diamond earrings in the shape of lobsters for the women and a cool faux diamond incrusted diver’s watch favored by  many of our local lobsterman. A magical Maine skin lotion, made from bear fat and moose extract is added to the bag and will keep their skin highly moisturized and baby soft.  It’s also good for protection from the cold down to ten below zero.  A good Chanel perfume will easily mask the odor of the bear fat.

As a special gift, we woke everyone up the morning after, collected all of their sleeping bags, and  made them a hearty Maine breakfast of Moose and scrambled eggs.  I can still remember Lady Ga Ga rolling out of one of the sleeping bags after a snuggly night with Justin Bieber.  I’m not sure who I felt sorrier for in that circumstance but I think it was Justin. Next we passed out snowshoes for everyone and took a long, brisk walk through the snow covered Maine woods.  Everyone immediately became a little sweaty and smelly  so we took a quick dip in our local creek, after cutting a hole in the ice, to get their juices flowing again. Later after a  few unrehearsed tunes from our guests back at the house, we said our final goodbye to end the celebration.

Who wouldn’t want to attend another party like that?  I shouldn’t tell you this because it’s a huge secret and I wouldn’t want to alert the paparazzi but the 4:00am game of naked charades last year was incredible.  Seacrest’s better-half, Julianne Hough, stopped the show when she was attempting the phrase, “your ass is mine”.  I wasn’t quite right for a few hours after that.  She eventually lost the game but everyone else was a definite winner. Although we did have a tough time keeping Jessica Simpson under control.  Her cravings got out of hand when she viciously attacked a table full of the candied oyster appetizers. Not only can that girl sing, she can really eat too. It took four of us to get her off that table.

Now you know what you’ve been missing.  Even Puerto Rico comes in a close second to these fun get-togethers, right Lily! I’ll be forced to blame my better-half for ruining another of our posh celebrity, New Years + 1 Day, parties.  I must love her a lot because screwing me out of another exciting game of naked charades is not nice. I ask for so little . . .

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