Archive for the ‘new years’ Tag

12-30-2015 Journal–Winter is Finally Here!   Leave a comment

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I was just getting readjusted to my so-called normal life after the Christmas insanity ended and was really hoping for some quiet downtime. Oh how stupid I must be.  It just never seems to work out the way I plan.  All of the unseasonably warm weather abruptly ended yesterday with a beautiful yet annoying snow storm.

Yesterday was spent getting up close and personal with my snowblower once again. The final snow amounts have yet to be determined since it’s still snowing but my better-half shoveled at least five inches off the deck last night so the total will be a bit more than that.

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Today will be spent looking out the window while our last holiday visitor tries to make travel arrangements to get out of here. It appears he’ll be taking a short bus ride to Boston, staying there for a day, and then a flight back to Los Angeles.  I have a feeling he’ll be really happy about getting back to the surf and sun of California.

We’re planning on a reasonably quiet night for our New Years celebration with Chinese takeout and hopefully a movie or two.  I’m sure my better-half is already having day dreams of watching all of the vacuous celebrities strutting their stuff in New York.  Watching the ball drop with her is for me is much like getting a root canal without anesthesia. I’m hoping she’ll come to her senses but I’ve been hoping for that for years and I’m still waiting.

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So I’ll just sit around today waiting for the snow to get deep enough to require me to fire up the snowblower. I suppose the remainder of the day can be spent reading, painting, or possibly even napping. Since the house is still filled with every kind of cake, cookie, and candy you can possibly think of, I need to stay busy and away from all the junk food.

Enjoy your New Year’s  celebration but be smart about it.  Don’t drink and drive.  Find a boring sober friend and give him your keys.

HAPPY 2016

P.S.  Good news! We made it through the first snow storm without the snowplow operators destroying our mailbox.  Maybe that’s a sign from God or just dumb luck.

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12-28-2015 Journal–New Year’s Resolutions!   3 comments

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Thank God the Christmas season is finally behind us for another year. As much as I enjoy it while it lasts,  when it’s over it’s over. Let’s’ move right along to the next all consuming holiday, New Years. It’s during this in-between time every year that I usually do a final review of my New Year’s resolutions and introduce my list for 2016. With that in mind here is a quick recap of 2015.

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2015

1.  I vow to exercise for forty-one minutes every other day for the entire year. COMPLETED – I’m now up to 46 minutes.

2.  I vow to call President Obama nasty names only during months with an "R" in them. COMPLETED, This one was easy.

3.  I further vow to never say anything good about President Obama in months without an "R". COMPLETED: This one was even easier.

CAUSTIC COMMENT – Goodbye OBAMA, your fifteen minutes is almost over.

4.  I vow to never blurt out any F-Bombs in front of the grandson now that he’s started repeating damn near everything. COMPLETED

5.  I vow to say many more F-Bombs around those people (except the grandsons) who irritate, annoy or piss me off. COMPLETED, and still going strong.

6.  I vow to stop flirting with just anyone.  There are times when I feel like such a slut and that’s not good for my self esteem.  INCOMPLETE, It’s really difficult to break this semi-bad habit but my hearts not really into trying.

7.  For the third year in a row I vow not to prance naked anywhere near the front picture window.  It creeps out the neighbors and one or two of our regular joggers.  COMPLETE, Due entirely to my better-half’s purchase of a new window treatment.

8.  I also vow not to screw with my cat as much this year due to his advanced age and sharp claws. INCOMPLETE, I have a few new scars but he really deserves being messed with whenever possible.

9.  I vow to take at least 500 really good photographs a month. INCOMPLETE, I’m just not getting it done.

10. Read 2 books a week for a year. COMPLETE, 104 AS OF 12/29/2015.

Now for my resolutions for 2016. I’ve been giving these a lot of thought because I feel the need to shake things up a little. Here goes.

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2016

1.  With the help of my better-half, complete the family recipe book. We’ve procrastinated long enough.

2.  Complete my blog book for 2015.

3.  Between August 8th and New Years, complete at least one more tandem skydive.

4.  Buy a dog.

5.  Keep my foul language to an absolute minimum around the grand kids. I know at some point they’ll both learn all those nasty words but let it be from someone other than me.

6.  Set aside at least two days a month for some quality time with my camera along the Maine coast or in the woods.

7.  Try as hard as I can to give a damn about politics. You should know this  resolution has absolutely no chance of ever being accomplished.

8.  Try to be a little more confrontational and assertive with ignorant people who insist on annoying me.  No more Mr. Nice Guy.

9.  Stop eating potato chips.

10. Set time aside to get back into sketching and painting.  I’ve gotten away from it for a few years and it’s time to return.

There you have it.  I completed seventy percent of my resolutions for 2015 and I’m really proud of myself but I’m also reasonably sure the list for this year will be a lot more difficult. 

I can only keep on keeping on.

12-16-2015 Journal – The Christmas Ho–Hums!   Leave a comment

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I think the arrival of Christmas Day may be just a bit anticlimactic this year. Maybe not for you (if you have kids) but for me I’m afraid it could be. I bought my first presents back in July of this year in my lame attempt to get as much of the preparation done as early as possible. I accomplished that easily enough but little did I know there’d be a huge downside to it as well.

So today is the sixteenth of December and in about an hour I’ll be mailing off four Christmas cards to my family members.  For all intents and purpose Christmas is already over for me, I’m just sitting around waiting for the day to get here. Then I can move on to the next holiday, then the next one after that, and on and on and on it goes. 

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‘And a merry little Christmas to you all.’

My attempt to do all of my shopping online this year was only 85% successful. Hopefully by next year I’ll have figured out a better way to do things. I purchased a number of gift cards this year from different business and will hand them out as needed but next year I’ll order them on line and have them mailed direct. Thank you ever so much Amazon. I can even get my regular gifts ordered online, have them gift wrapped, and sent on their way with a card. Easy peasy, right?

I know some of you out there will accuse me of having no real Christmas spirit. That I’m losing that personal touch by not elbowing my way through throngs of idiots to make my purchases.  I’ll be forced to miss out on parking problems, arrogant store employees, and the many fine citizens who insist on being a-holes or even worse. I’ll certainly miss all of those high pressure sales people who love getting in my face to annoy and irritate me as I stroll through the mall. How can I possibly choose not to smell the body odor of hundreds of overdressed and sweaty shoppers. If that doesn’t get you into the Christmas spirit nothing will.

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As you can plainly see, I’m bored out of my effing skull waiting for the day to finally arrive.  Am I excited? Yes! Will the day meet and exceed my expectations? I can only hope.  The only saving grace will be the grand children. A couple of excited smiles from them will make up for all the BS that seems to be more of a requirement these days than ever before.

EIGHT SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

And coming all too soon:

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10-03-2015 Journal–A Really Early Holiday Message!   Leave a comment

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‘This is written with my tongue lodged firmly in my cheek.’

Where did our Summer go?  It seems like just a short time ago we were complaining about the heat and humidity and WHAM, all of a sudden we’re rolling into October and looking down the tunnel at that proverbial bright light approaching at seventy miles an hour. That light is the damn holiday season quietly sneaking up on us. It’s October for God’s sake. Doesn’t anyone care that it just too damn early to be worrying about the holidays.  Stop the madness people. 

I was in Lowe’s yesterday visiting my better-half who was tied up with a number of other employees doing their Christmas reset. Just shoot me now, please. What the hell are they thinking.

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These retailers claim they start their seasonal BS  early because of the huge demand for their holiday products.  Honestly, when was the last time you ever heard anyone . . . that’s ANYONE say they were happy about seeing the Christmas season starting in early October.  Never!!  The truth of the matter is that the demand is created by the retailers themselves who lower their prices just enough to entice customers to the store.  They can be so disingenuous at times it makes me crazy. It just goes to show you how stupid they think we the shopping public are.  And sadly they’re right!

I refuse to be manipulated anymore.  No early holiday nonsense for me, no Black Friday idiocy, and no paying attention to the thousands of emails that will be clogging my mailbox over the next ten weeks.  I’m done with it. 

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I plan on spending exactly fifteen minutes on Christmas shopping this year  and thank God for Amazon. A five minute walk-in at Toys R Us for two gift cards, a five minute walk-in at Home Depot for one gift card, and finally five minutes to order seven additional gift cards from Amazon. That leaves just a few gifts I need to purchase for my better-half which will be ordered on-line as well and shipped directly to our house.

Stick those gift cards in an envelope with a Christmas card and a short note and you’re DONE.  No more stress, no more purchases of gifts that no one really wants or appreciates. Get your gift cards in the mail, buy what you want, and leave  me alone.  I never intend to spend more than an hour on Christmas preparations ever again. 

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I’m only asking Santa Clause for Amazon or Kindle gift cards this year since I’ve been very, very good. I’ve spent too many years getting clothing I hate and would never dare to wear, smiling and lying about how much I liked that fruit cake I received, and all of the required traveling around the countryside in terrible weather to visit people. I’m sorry folks, it’s nothing personal, but in my opinion if you’ve seen one Christmas tree you’ve seen them.  So here is my collective seasons greetings for most of you in case I forget later.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

HAPPY HANUKKAH

HAPPY STUPID KWANSA

HAPPY SEINFELD FESTIVAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY NEW YEAR

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I’m exhausted already from just listing all of this foolishness.  I wish I could just go find a cave and hibernate until February 15.  It would make for one of the best holiday seasons ever if I could.

BAH HUMBUG

12-31-2014 Journal–New Year’s Eve   Leave a comment

Well these few days of peace and quiet after Christmas are really starting to lose their magic. All of this noiselessness is beginning to make me a little antsy and on top of that the weather is insanely mild.  I’ve lived in Maine for a long time and I’ve never seen weather in the mid-fifties with sunshine the week before New Years Day.  While its saving us a great deal of money in heating oil costs it’s still a bit unsettling.

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Yesterday was warm and sunny and there was no way we were staying home. We spent a good part of the day in the city of Portland and the surrounding area.  We had a quick snack while on the road for lunch because we were planning on dinner at my favorite restaurant later in the day.  It’s only my favorite restaurant because they serve the best damn catfish I’ve ever had.  It’s called Famous Dave’s and it’s menu is good old down home southern food all the way. Lots of BBQ and an entire table full of hot sauce choices which make me sweat just thinking about them.

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We ate until we were stuffed and I even tried two of their moonshine margaritas. It’s moonshine instead of tequila with the glass rimmed with salt flavored with BBQ sauce.  I know it sounds a little strange but they are delicious.  They also require the assistance of a designated driver because after just two they tend to make you a little weak in the knees.

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We’re planning for a quiet New Years celebration with Chinese food, two glasses, and a bottle of good champagne.  After that good meal we’ll settle in for some of the celebrations scheduled on the always helpful television.  Watch the ball drop, get a long and mushy kiss, drink some champagne and slide quietly into bed. The better-half works early the next morning so we can’t really make a late night of it. 

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If you’re driving or going out for the evening be sure to bring along a good designated driver or hire a limo but by all means be safe.  Start the new year off properly without any DUI’s, accidents, or worse. 

HAPPY 2015

12-29-2014 New Year Resolutions!   Leave a comment

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With New Year’s approaching I’ve begun to think about my resolutions for 2015.  In preparation for the new list it only makes sense to review last year’s resolutions.  It might be necessary to use a few of them that I failed to live up to again this year.

2014

  • Read five books a month. COMPLETED
  • Teach the grandson  one curse word per month once he begins talking. He still isn’t talking enough to complete this one. FAILURE
  • Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week. COMPLETED
  • Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year. COMPLETED
  • Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month). . . . as of 12/28/2014 $391.32. BIG FAILURE
  • Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room, it scares the neighbors.  I managed to stop the dancing but not being naked seems impossible for me. FAILURE
  • Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life. COMPLETED

Four completed out of seven seems pretty good to me but I need to improve that next year. I’d really like just once to complete all of them but I always seem to get sidetracked with other stuff.  I may need a few easy ones for 2015 that won’t require me to work so hard. With that thought in mind here is my new list.

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  • I vow to exercise for forty-one minutes every other day for the entire year.
  • I vow to call President Obama nasty names only during months with an "R" in them.
  • I further vow to never say anything good about President Obama in months without an "R".
  • I vow to never blurt out any F-Bombs in front of the grandson now that he has started repeating damn near everything.
  • I vow to say many more F-Bombs around those people (except the grandson) who irritate, annoy or piss me off.
  • I vow to stop flirting with just anyone.  There are times when I feel like such a slut and that’s not always a good thing for my self esteem.
  • For the third year in a row I vow not to prance naked anywhere near the front picture window.  It creeps out the neighbors and one or two of our regular joggers.
  • I also vow not to screw with my cat as much this year due to his advanced age and sharp claws.
  • I vow to take at least 500 really good photographs a month.

I’ll do my first review of these new resolutions sometime in June.  Hopefully I’ll be on track to complete every one for the first time.  As always the road to hell really is paved with good intentions.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

12-27-2014 Journal – Bye Bye Christmas!   Leave a comment

Finally Christmas has come and gone.  For me it was the longest Christmas season of my life.  The retailers started their season well before Halloween and it increased in intensity every week.  It wasn’t all that bad but it truly was annoying at times.

The house is quiet for the first time in a week and while I had a great week it was also exhausting.  The visitors and family have returned to their homes safely and for that I’m grateful.  I ate too damn much, drank a little more than I should have, and helped spoil the hell out of our grandson.  It was all good until I climbed back onto my treadmill yesterday.  I thought I was gonna die.

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Christmas Day was insane as you can see from the pictures.  The grandson was sitting in the middle of the debris and I just thought I’d tell you that my cat is also in there somewhere.

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“Stuffing”

My bird turned out great and so did the better-half’s special family stuffing recipe. The day after we all had cold turkey sandwiches that we’re almost as good as eating it fresh from the oven.  I see a huge turkey pot pie in my future and after that the remains of that poor bird will make an excellent soup.  If I could figure a way to eat the bones I would.  I’m a true carnivore.  Here’s the before and after photos of that delicious bird.

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“Before”

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“After”

I suppose we’ll be keeping the decorations up until New Years has but there’s more going on there than even you can imagine.  A few days ago my step- daughter made a comment that she knew me and was sure that the Christmas tree would be down and packed away before 2015.  After some discussion my better-half and I decided to do something totally off the wall  and outside the box. It looks as if we’re going to keep the tree up for all of 2015. Each month it will be decorated for any holidays that fall during that month.  Next up will be the Valentines Tree but before that the Superbowl Tree will be killer. 

Each months pictures will be posted of the tree and copies forwarded to the all knowing step-daughter as well. I’ve accepted her challenge and it should be a hoot.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

06-25-2014 New Year’s Resolutions Mid-Year Update!   2 comments

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A few days I ago my better-half and I were sitting in a local restaurant chatting up one of her co-workers.  During that conversation her friend casually asked me if  I’d made any New Year’s Resolutions. I can’t remember exactly why she asked but I answered with a yes.  Obviously she’s never read this blog because I post them every January for all to see.

We returned home and during the ride I decided to check the archives and do a mid-year review of my resolutions for 2014 just to see how I’ve been doing.  Let’s start with this one:

1.  Read five books a month.

So far I’m on track with this resolution even though I lost my Kindle reader on my trip to Texas.  Now that I’m able to once again read my Kindle books from three additional devices I should have no trouble successfully completing this one.

2.  Teach the grandson  one curse word per month once he begins talking.

I think I jumped the gun on this one because he has yet to start speaking clearly enough to begin cursing.  I may have to wait for 2015 to get this one accomplished.  This one is a big FAIL so far.

3.  Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week.

So far I’m succeeding on this one but just barely. For the year it will be too close to call since it’s difficult not to use my  favorite word at every opportunity.  The question isn’t using it too much, it’s having too many reasons to use it at all.  If people aggravated me less this one would be a snap.

 

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4.  Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year.

I’m doing well on this one thanks to my weight loss program.  I’ve pretty much given up drinking the hard stuff and have returned to sipping the occasional glass of wine.  Boring but healthier.

5.  Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month).

Since we purchased the K-Kup coffee maker I’ve cut my Dunkin Donut spending by two thirds.  I can make excellent coffee at home now and not be forced to spend two dollars a cup elsewhere.  Hooray for me.

6.  Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room. It scares the neighbors if their complaints mean anything at all.

I seem to be failing miserably on this one.  I just can’t seem to keep my clothes on and may have flashed my new and smaller ass to the neighbors and a few lucky passersby. I’m trying to behave but I suspect this will be a FAIL once again.  One of my better-half’s resolutions is  to buy and install window coverings this year but I haven’t seen them yet. I wonder how much the neighbors will complain if they never get to see my ass again.

7.  Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life.

I’m crossing my fingers on this one for now.  The better-half has been putting serious pressure on me to get chickens and goats. The negotiations have progressed to where she’s agreeing to no goats if we can just get a few chickens.  My negotiating position has remained the same from the beginning – NO FREAKING GOATS OR CHICKENS.  For this year I will accomplish this resolution but I’m losing the battle little by little.

If I counted correctly, I’m keeping up with five of my seven resolutions but I suspect I may lose some ground during the remainder of 2014.  The road to hell really is paved with good intentions.

How are you doing with yours?

Do you even care?

Probably not!

01-02-2013 Journal Entry–2013, A Look Back   2 comments

Well, the New Year is upon us and all the partying is hopefully over.  I wish I had a dollar for every celebrator who made the infamous Walk of Shame is the last two  days.  I’d be stinking rich I think. 

I’m told that now is the time for reflection on the past year both good and bad.  It’s supposed to give us a better perspective on things and to help us improve in 2014.  I honestly think that’s nonsense but for laughs I continue to go along.

Here’s a quick recap of my last three months.  Please don’t get overly excited you might just hurt yourself.  As we get into the December remembrances I’ve added a few photo’s to help you understand.

OCTOBER

Grandson’s Birthday Party

One Year Blog Anniversary

A Broken Leg

NOVEMBER

Way Too many Doctor’s Visits

Thanksgiving

Sister’s Birthday

God Daughter’s Birthday

DECEMBER

Better-Half’s Mother’s Birthday

SNOW

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ICE

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More Doctors Appointments

More SNOW

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More ICE

Christmas Eve Dinner

Much More SNOW

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ICE Storm

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Christmas

Much Much More Effing SNOW

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Effing Black ICE

New Years Eve

SNOW

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New Years Day

MORE SNOW

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What have I learned from all of this?  One thing immediately comes to mind . . . SPEND THE FREAKING WINTER IN FLORIDA ! ! ! 

One last photograph for your enjoyment.  I took this from my car so it’s not as sharp as I’d like but this guy was hauling ass at the time.  One of the last few remaining survivors from the Great Thanksgiving Day Turkey Massacre of 2013.  Now you know why he’s running so fast.

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I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like all the damn snow either.

12-30-2013 Humorous New Year’s Thoughts   2 comments

I thought today’s posting should reflect the thoughts and feelings of someone other than myself concerning the New Year and the accompanying celebrations. I’d normally throw in a few celebrity quotes about New Year’s but I’m not going to do that this year. I’ve learned over the years that the best common sense quotations are written by only one person, Anonymous.

The following collection of thoughts were collected from and written by  people who wish to remain anonymous. Being anonymous gives a person a certain amount of freedom to say what they really think and to be as sarcastic and humorous as necessary. This is the stuff I love and I think you will too.

Almost everything I could think of saying about New Year’s, the celebrations, and the big party in the Big Apple, are reflected in these anonymous thoughts. It never ceases to amaze me just how funny and insightful we humans can be.  See if you agree.

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  • I do not make new year’s resolutions. The only thing I do in excess is be awesome, I’m not going to stop that in 2014.
  • I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this year…mainly because I’m still working on the ones from last year.
  • Let’s kiss on New Year’s Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014.
  • Let’s resolve to repeat last year’s mistakes.
  • Here’s to ending the New Year still having a job that you still wish you didn’t have.
  • This year let’s resolve to make better bad decisions.
  • My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
  • I hope the world ends in 2014 so I can’t be held accountable for my New Year’s resolutions.
  • Thanks for inviting me to a New Year’s party I’ll have no recollection of attending.
  • My excuses for already failing my New Year’s resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
  • Let’s never speak of 2013 again.
  • May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.
  • My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
  • Let’s put significant pressure on ourselves to have a fun New Year’s Eve.
  • Let’s pencil each other in for a New Year’s Eve kiss, with the understanding we’ll drop each other if someone better comes along.
  • I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2014, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP.

  • My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.
  • I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.
  • It may be the antidepressants talking, but I’m feeling somewhat optimistic about 2014.
  • Now that the holiday blues are over, let’s resume our everyday melancholy.
  • Here’s to drinking enough that we’ll need Ryan Seacrest to help us count backwards from ten.
  • Here’s to having a fresh start at binge eating, boozing, and slacking off.
  • Lets attend an opulent New Year’s Eve party so we can briefly ignore the horror of our impending poverty.
  • Wishing you even a minuscule percentage of the wealth and attention that has been showered upon the Kardashian fetus in 2013.
  • My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
  • I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.
  • Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year’s resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
  • Let’s decide which champagne we’re going to barf.
  • I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
  • The only thing I gained from 2013 was weight.
  • Dear God, my prayer for 2014 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did this year.
  • This year, I’m just making one New Year’s resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.

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I enjoyed more than a few chuckles reading through this list and I can’t think of a thing I’d want to add. I hope your New Year’s celebration remains somewhat sane and that you return safely home in one piece.  You wouldn’t want to start 2014 with any broken bones, wrecked vehicles, or DUI’s.

Everyuselessthing will return on 01-02-2014

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!

Drink Responsibly