01-27-2013   2 comments

I’ve never been accused of being an overly happy person.  I’m pretty sure I know the reasons why as do most of my closest friends and acquaintances. It wasn’t until recently that I was told in no uncertain terms that men should be a lot happier than women.  You might think a statement like that was made by a man but it wasn’t.

If you think about it, we men are really simple creatures.  Things are cut and dry, black or white, just simple. We apparently have so many reasons to be happy I can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner:

We can never get pregnant.

We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

We can wear NO shirt to a water park.

We can intimidate car mechanics.

We have the world as our urinal.

We never drive to another gas station restroom because this one is too disgusting.

We have wrinkles that just add character.

We never have anyone stare at our chest when talking to us.

We favor 30 second phone conversations.

We know stuff about tanks.

We need one suitcase for a five-day vacation.

We can open all our own  jars.

We pay $8.95 for a three-pack of underwear.

We need no more than 3 pairs of shoes.

We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.

We have the same hairstyle for years, maybe decades.

We only have to shave our face and neck.

We can wear shorts no matter what our legs look.

We can do our nails with a pocket knife.

We can Christmas  shop for 25 relatives in 25 minutes.

Here are a few simple but true comparisons between men and women that are absolutely spot on.

  • We will pay $2 for a $1 item we need and a  a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but is on sale.
  • We have has six items in our bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
  • We wake up as good-looking as when we went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. We never worried about the future until we got a wife.
  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. We will dress up for weddings and funerals.

How could we not be happier than women?  We’ve had it made for all these years and just didn’t realize it.  Thank God I have a good women who could explain it to me along with about a  thousand other things that she thinks I don’t understand. 

In my opinion all of the above may be true.  There’s only one thing I can think of that women have that I’m really jealous of, MULTIPLE ORGASMS!  I think that makes us even.

2 responses to “01-27-2013

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  1. All true, but it is a heavy burden to bear to be responsable for everything bad that has happened in the last 50-500 years.

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