05-09-2013   4 comments

I’ve now lived in Maine for almost thirteen years and I’ve been told by a few native born Mainer’s that until you’ve lived here at least ten years your not considered a real Mainer.  Since I’m now certified and official I’ve earned the right to criticize and make fun of my fellow citizens.

I’ve always been someone who sings Maine’s praises and really do love living here.  It’s one of the most beautiful states in the country with many natural resources and scenic coastlines.  That being said it also has issues you should be made aware of.  Some years ago I stumbled on this list and found it funny as hell.  A lot of time has passed since then but this list still rings true.

If you decide to visit our lovely state then you need more information than the stuff always published in the travel brochures.  This list is so true it’s a little scary. Here are the things you can expect.

The local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.

People at Home Depot will offer you assistance and they don’t even work there.

It’s not unusual for you to have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

You will learn to measure distance in hours not miles.

You will meet several people who’ve hit a deer more than once if you stay more than a week.

You’ll be  swimming in August wearing a full body wetsuit.

You may switch from heat and AC in the same day and then back again.

You may learn to drive 75 miles through 2 feet of snow during a blizzard without flinching.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife will know how to use them.

Children’s Halloween costumes here are designed to fit over a snowsuit.

You will learn all about our four seasons: almost Winter, Winter, still Winter, and road construction.

You’ll have more miles on your snow blower than on your car.

Bear these facts in mind when you come to visit.  It can be cold and snowy in the blink of an eye except for the months of June, July, and part of August. 

4 responses to “05-09-2013

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  1. Haha, so funny! “You will learn all about our four seasons: almost Winter, Winter, still Winter, and road construction.”

  2. Your just trying to supress visits from your relatives!

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