08-07-2013   Leave a comment

    I realize that a large portion of our society hangs on every word and deed of our ever growing ranks of celebrities.  From the beards on Duck Dynasty to the endless supply of idiot groups of wives from what seems like every city in the country.  Unless people hear the information directly from a celebrity on Twitter it has no validity.  They’re experts on every subject from the environment to politics and need to be constantly in the lime light so none of us can ever forget how smart they think they are.

    Bear in mind when you read the following quotes from our wannabe Mensa members of the celebrity corp.  They spew such utter nonsense as you’ll soon read, take a sip of water, and then begin to explain the State of the Union, as they see it.  This is what happens when semi-smart talented singers with too much time and money on their hands get bored.

    The folks I’m listing here are just the tip of the ice berg.  They’re all singers who’s second most important priority is to be seen and heard as often as possible in the Media.    I actually like some of their music but OMG shut up about everything else.

  • Christina Aguilera
  1. On clothes: “I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”

  2. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

  • Britney Spears

  1. “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”

  2. After a wardrobe malfunction: “OMG my pussy is hanging out.”

  3. “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

  • Mariah Carey

  1. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

  2. Before entering rehab:  “I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.”

  • Jessica Simpson

  1. “I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.”

  2. On tuna: “Is this chicken or is this fish?”

  • Whitney Houston, on crack:  “Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight. OK? We don’t do crack. We don’t do that. Crack is whack.”

  • Kellie Pickler, on ‘Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader’: “I thought Europe was a country?”

  • Ricky Martin: “I love giving the golden shower. I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s, like, so sexy”.

  • Lil’ Wayne, on studying:  “I learned this from a college graduate. She’d smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this shit five times and I swear to God, I’ve never made less than a 92.”

  • Ozzy Osbourne, on subtitles: “I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I can’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about.”

  • Melissa Etheridge, after winning an Oscar: “This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.”

  • Kanye West, on his legacy: “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. I will be the loudest voice.”

  • Axl Rose: "It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”

    Keep all of this in mind as these celebrities and hundreds of others stare back at you from your TV set and tell you how to eat, drink, live, love, exercise, who to vote for, and what rehab facility is the best. Take their rehab advice but go on about your life  making your own decisions.

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