08-06-2013   Leave a comment

I thought a little humor might be nice with Hump Day approaching.  I just heard on the news that yesterday Amazon purchased the Washington Post newspaper for two hundred million dollars.  I thought Amazon as a company was a lot smarter than that.  Newspapers are failing all over the country with their readership moving steadily to on-line sources but maybe they know something I don’t (which is likely) and I wish them a lot of luck.

That newspaper story got me thinking about how inept many newspapers have become since their hay-day.  Stories faked, pictures Photo Shopped, and numerous grammatical and spelling errors becoming a regular feature. With that in mind here are a few headlines from actual newspapers that couldn’t be more ridiculous or funny.  I hope none of the newspaper associates responsible for these headlines end up working for Amazon. 

  • Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
  • Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
  • NJ judge to Rule on Nude Beach
  • Smokers are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
  • Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
  • William Kelly was Fed Secretary
  • Farmer Bill Dies in House
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

How ‘s that for ten samples of really terrible professional editing.  I can’t believe these headlines actually made the published newspapers but they did. Here are a few more:

  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years
  • Man is Fatally Slain
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
  • Eye Drops Off Shelf
  • Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
  • Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Panda Mating Fails – Veterinarian Takes Over

The hits just keep on coming and there seems to be an almost endless supply of these carelessly thought out headlines.  All of the available journalism training these days seems to be more concerned with creating another Watergate than spelling properly or just making good old common sense.

  • Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let’s Resolve to Do Better
  • Stiff Opposition Expected to Graveyard Plan
  • Lack Of Brains Hinders Research
  • Policeman Help Dog Bite Victim
  • Man Denies He Committed Suicide
  • Four Battered In Fish And Chip Shop
  • Goldfish Is Saved From Drowning
  • Prisoners Escape After Execution
  • No Cause Of Death Determined For Beheading Victim
  • Jury Suspects Foul Play In Death Of Man Shot, Burned & Buried In Shallow Grave

I can’t continue with this any longer.  The more I read the crazier it makes me.  If I had submitted things like this to my high school English teacher, Ms. Walters, she would have rolled it up and smacked me across the head with it.  Maybe that’s the kind of thing missing from our current journalism schools.

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