Archive for the ‘bad drivers’ Tag
Being a former police officer has gone a long way to make me skeptical of virtually every person I talk to. I’ve mellowed over the years but in my dealings with people I’m still very careful. I decided recently to clean out some old files from cabinets in the man cave and a lot of that material was collected during my years as a cop. The following items are actual statements made to traffic accident investigators by drivers who caused the accidents. These are all actual statements made on actual police reports by actual lunatic drivers. Read them, enjoy them, and please don’t use them if you ever have an accident.
- “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car”.
- “The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.”
- “I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision. I did not see the other car.”
- “I was taking my canary to the animal hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end and there was a crash.”
- “I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”
- “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.”
- “The other car attempted to cut in front of me, so I with my right front bumper removed his left rear taillight.”
- “In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
- “I pulled away from the side of the road glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”
- “The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”
- “I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became smashed.”
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BE CAREFUL OUT THERE
It’s just another rainy, crappy, and gray October day here in Maine. It’s a great day to stay in the warm house and to catch up on a million things I’ve been putting off. With that in mind the cat and I retired to the man-cave to relax, watch a little TV, and work on the computer. My better-half has the day off and is enjoying herself in the kitchen. She’s baking cookies, talking on the phone with family members, and preparing Halloween treats for mailing to her kids. It looked like a great day was in the making for both of us.
Just as I was finally beginning to relax my better-half popped into my inner sanctum for a visit. She gave me a kiss and an even bigger hug which while appreciated also told me something was up. She intended to take a short shopping trip and was hinting around for a traveling companion. Before I knew it I was changing my clothes and preparing to face the outside world.
The traffic was heavier than anticipated and people were driving badly as always seems to be the case when the rains come. After traveling for a few minutes she decided the trip would be shortened from three stops to just one. I assumed it was because of the rain but it may have been due to all of my swearing and cursing at passing motorists. We arrived at the store, parked, and began walking towards the entrance. Almost immediately the sky opened up and the rains came. I didn’t realize I could still run that fast but I did. As we entered the store I was told in no uncertain terms that this was to be a short power shopping visit for just a few essential items . . . Yeah right! Forty-five minutes and a full shopping cart later we were on our way towards the door. We could see through the front windows that the rain was coming down even harder than before. I was convinced to bring the car around to the front door where I could pick up her majesty. I reached the car, drove it to the entrance of the store, and we loaded the groceries into the trunk. We were wet and uncomfortable and I could’t wait to get home.
It was more of the same during the drive home. I wish I had a dollar for every horn I heard honking and every finger I saw thrown in anger. It’s amazing to me how people from Maine can drive normally in two feet of snow and a blizzard but can’t deal with a moderate amount of rainfall. I found myself wishing for snow for just a moment but then good sense prevailed.
We arrived home and quickly pulled into the garage to get out of the rain. Within seconds of unloading the first bag of groceries I looked outside and the rain had stopped completely. It never fails . . .
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