Archive for the ‘britany spears’ Tag
I’m not much of a celebrity lover. I’ve been able to live a great life without knowing about their tattoos, their favorite foods, or when they lost their virginities. I’ve met a few over the years and wasn’t all that impressed because they’re just folks like the rest of us. As I was recently going through a few books I found information about some celebrities that really brought it home just how down-to-earth they really are. As a child I was bullied for two years by a fat neanderthal with an IQ of ten who outweighed me by at least 60 pounds. It made my life miserable for a time until I grew eight inches taller, put on an additional thirty-five pounds, and then got even. I feel for anyone who has been put in that position, including celebrities. Here’s a list of some famous folks and the nicknames they were forced to deal with.
Kate Moss – Mosschops, Kate Winslet – Blubber, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos – Jolly Blond Giant, Victoria Beckham – Acne Face, Geri Halliwell – Pancake (flat chested), Elle Macpherson – Smelly Elly, Jeff Goldblum – Bubwires (braces), Justin Timberlake – Brillo Pad, Robert DiNiro – Bobby Milk, Nicole Kidman – Stalky, Gisele Bundchen – Oli (short for Olive Oyl), Britany Spears – Boo Boo,
Some of the celebrity nicknames were mild and a few others were just plain mean. We’ve all had to deal with nicknames as we grew up. I dealt with the name Crazy Legs for a year or two and then Hazelnut after that. My all-time favorite and longest-lasting nickname was of course, Smart Ass, which seemed to be every one’s favorite. It was last used as recently as yesterday and has over the years become a badge of honor for me.
I realize that a large portion of our society hangs on every word and deed of our ever growing ranks of celebrities. From the beards on Duck Dynasty to the endless supply of idiot groups of wives from what seems like every city in the country. Unless people hear the information directly from a celebrity on Twitter it has no validity. They’re experts on every subject from the environment to politics and need to be constantly in the lime light so none of us can ever forget how smart they think they are.
Bear in mind when you read the following quotes from our wannabe Mensa members of the celebrity corp. They spew such utter nonsense as you’ll soon read, take a sip of water, and then begin to explain the State of the Union, as they see it. This is what happens when semi-smart talented singers with too much time and money on their hands get bored.
The folks I’m listing here are just the tip of the ice berg. They’re all singers who’s second most important priority is to be seen and heard as often as possible in the Media. I actually like some of their music but OMG shut up about everything else.
- Christina Aguilera
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On clothes: “I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”
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“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”
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“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”
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After a wardrobe malfunction: “OMG my pussy is hanging out.”
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“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
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Before entering rehab: “I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.”
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“I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.”
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On tuna: “Is this chicken or is this fish?”
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Whitney Houston, on crack: “Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight. OK? We don’t do crack. We don’t do that. Crack is whack.”
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Kellie Pickler, on ‘Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader’: “I thought Europe was a country?”
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Ricky Martin: “I love giving the golden shower. I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s, like, so sexy”.
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Lil’ Wayne, on studying: “I learned this from a college graduate. She’d smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this shit five times and I swear to God, I’ve never made less than a 92.”
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Ozzy Osbourne, on subtitles: “I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I can’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about.”
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Melissa Etheridge, after winning an Oscar: “This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.”
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Kanye West, on his legacy: “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. I will be the loudest voice.”
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Axl Rose: "It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
Keep all of this in mind as these celebrities and hundreds of others stare back at you from your TV set and tell you how to eat, drink, live, love, exercise, who to vote for, and what rehab facility is the best. Take their rehab advice but go on about your life making your own decisions.
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