I realize that many people who have never played golf, dislike the game immensely. I harken back to the days when George Carlin complained constantly about all the acreage wasted on the game of golf across the country. I started golfing at the age of 12 with my father and played consistently for 30 years until he was unable to play any longer. We had quite a competition during those years, and I remember a day of grand celebration when I was in my early 20s and I won my first dime from him. I still have that dime framed and hanging in my man cave to this day and every time I look at it makes me smile. I sure do miss him. Some of the funniest sports stories I’ve ever heard involved golfers and I’m going to share a few of them with you today. Let’s get started.
One day Bob Hope was playing golf with Sam Goldwyn, the movie producer. On one hole Goldwyn missed an easy 2-foot putt. He became so angry that he threw his putter away in disgust and walked away. When nobody was looking, Hope picked up the club and stuck it in his own golf bag.
On the next hole, Hope, who was a fine golfer, used the putter Goldwyn had thrown away, and sank a 20-footer. “That’s very good,” Goldwyn said. “Let me see that putter for a minute.”
Goldwyn closely examined the club, took a few practice putts with it and said, “I like this club very much. Will you sell it to me?” “Sure,” Hope replied. “It’ll cost you $50.” Many years later Sam Goldwyn found out that he had paid $50 for a club he had just thrown away.
Bobby Jones was one of the greatest golfers ever, winning dozens of tournaments before he retired in 1930. One day in 1920, playing in the Southern Amateur Tournament at New Orleans, Jones found himself with an unexpected problem.
One of his drives landed inside an old shoe that lay on top of the workman’s wheelbarrow. After deciding not to take a penalty for dropping the ball out of the chute, he found a novel solution. He played the shoe.
The immortal Bobby walloped the shoe, which assumed off the wheelbarrow. The ball flew out of the shoe and kept rolling, finally stopping only a few feet from the green. Jones chipped up to the green and holed out for a par.
Now it’s my turn to add one of my personal stories. My father was quite a good golfer, but he had quite a bad temper as well. We were five holes into our round of golf one afternoon and he was having serious problems with his tee shots. He had a favorite driver that he loved, and that love affair ended that day. As he teed off on the fifth hole he sliced directly into the woods to the right of the fairway. I won’t repeat the string of obscenities I heard as he threw that damn club high up into the trees. It was tangled and mangled forty feet off the ground and remained there for 20 years. As we frequently played that course, we never failed to mention his bad temper and that terrible slice each time we passed that hole. Always lots of laughter and additional curse words of course. He was forced by his physical problems to stop golfing as his retirement neared. My closest friend and I went to the golf course one dark night, climbed that stupid tree and retrieved his mangled club. I had it cleaned and mounted on a lovely walnut plaque which was presented to him at his retirement party. A great night for all concerned and that damn club still hangs in my sister’s house to this day.
Now that the Superbowl has come and gone we can all start living our normal lives again. Congrats to the Chiefs for pulling out a lucky win which I really didn’t care about anyway. A special thanks to Rhianna who is so hot I think I burned myself adjusting the volume knob. It’s nice to see a superstar showcasing her music instead of her body. It was a pleasant surprise. It’s the first Super Bowl half-time show I’ve ever watched from start to finish. She did herself proud and “Oh Yeah” . . . she’s also worth over a billion dollars. OMFG
Today I’ll be staying with a Sports theme, which will help to wean me off sports until baseball season gets started. I like baseball better than football, but their games are utterly boring to watch. I’ll just check the updated scores on Google and then watch the recaps on Facebook. No nasty comments please, I realize I’m a lazy fan but once again I.D.C. (I don’t care).
Did you know that the sport of dodgeball has been banned by public schools in six U.S. states?
The first recorded game of handball was played in the year 1427. That’s the first written mention of a game involving a ball being hit by hand against a wall.
Did you know that the smallest NBA player ever was Tyrone Bogues. He stood 5 feet, 3 inches tall and played for 10 years with the Charlotte Hornets.
After soccer, volleyball is the world’s second most played sport. An estimated 46 million Americans, and more than 800 million people worldwide, play volleyball at least weekly.
The year 688 B.C. was when boxing first became an Olympic sport. It has been part of the modern Olympics since 1904 with women boxers competing for the first time at the 2012 Olympics in London.
The square boxing platform is called a “ring” because in the ancient Greek and Roman Olympics the combatants met in a circular ring. They’ve been known as “rings” ever since.
Did you know that the world record for longest time aloft of a successfully caught boomerang was 3 minute and 49 seconds.
Early forms of baseball allowed throwing the ball at a runner for an out and pitching underhanded. Balls caught on one bounce were considered outs.
President Theodore Roosevelt is credited with instituting the forward pass rule in football. He demanded a change to the rules in 1905, after 18 players were killed and 159 injured that year. The forward pass was intended to open up the game and minimize the chaotic dog piles associated with lateral passes. The rule was officially adopted in 1906.
The Nerf football was invented by Fred Cox, a kicker for the Minnesota Vikings. He came up with the idea of a soft foam football while playing in the NFL. He still earns royalties on every Nerf football sold.
In the past I’ve had my fun with statements made by baseball players, football players, and basketball players. Just to be fair I thought today would be a good day for some ridiculous statements from an assortment of other sports to include some of their genius sportscasters and their pearls of wisdom.
And he’s got the ice pack on his groin him there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury. -Ray French, rugby sportscaster
Venezuela! Great, that’s the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right? -Murad Muhammad, on being told about a boxing match in South America
And for those of you watching on black-and-white, the pink ball is the one behind the blue. -TV billiards commentator
I don’t want to tell you any half-truths unless they’re completely accurate. -Dennis Rapoport, boxing manager
It’s about 90% strength and 40% technique. -Johnny Walker, world middleweight wrist wrestling champion
🏀🏀🏀
Cycling is a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets. -Daniel Mean, commentator
It’s a catch he would’ve caught 99 times out of 1000. -Henry Blofeld
I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost. -Frank Bruno, boxer
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. -Murray Walker
There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious. -Alan Minter, former prizefighter
⚽⚽⚽
We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other. -Barry Back, New York Ranger, explaining a championship game brawl
If I wasn’t talking, I wouldn’t know what to say. -Chico Resch, New York Islanders goalie
He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse. -Mike Tyson, boxer
On what? -boxer Chris Eubank, when asked whether he thought about writing his autobiography.
It’s basically the same, just darker. -Alan Kulwicki, Stock-car racer, on racing at night instead of during the afternoon
These last few weeks I’ve been inundated with football facts, game reviews and a general feeling of unease. That means that I’ve got no dog in the Super Bowl hunt this year. Without a team to support I find almost everything else a little boring. I’m not by any stretch of the imagination an avid sports fan and now I remember why. I’ve always been bored watching games but listening to the hundreds of so-called experts’ blather on and on makes me nauseous. I’ve dug down deep into my trivia files and have found a few interesting quotes from some of our gallant football gladiators. Here they are . . .
“If you can’t make the putts and can’t get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you’re not going to win enough football games in this league, and that’s the problem we had today.” Sam Rutigliano – Cleveland Browns coach
“He fakes a bluff.” Ron Fairly – New York Giants commentator
“I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi – St. Louis Rams coach
“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” Terry Bradshaw, player/announcer
“I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.” Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints general manager
“I want to rush for 1000 or 1500 yards, whichever comes first.” George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back
“He (his coach) treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver
It’s unusual for me to post about sports but occasionally I do so anyway. My favorite sport by far is baseball but over the years football has wormed its way into my life. It all started back in the seventies with the “Steel Curtain” and the “Immaculate Reception” and my one and only hometown team the Steelers. Football has slowly become Americas pastime by not so gently nudging baseball aside. Today I would like to do a short history lesson about football, it’s origins, during the years 1861 – 1946 (my birth year). Read on, you may learn a few interesting things beacuse I certainly did.
1861: The first documented football game that was essentially rugby and was played at the University of Toronto..
1874: McGill University and Harvard play a hybrid version of rugby. The rule changes affect the game in the United States.
1875: The official game ball becomes an egg-shaped rugby ball. The field is now 100 yards long by 53.5 yards wide and teams are cut to 15 players per side referees are also added to the game.
1876: With the addition of the crossbar official goalposts now look like the letter “H”.
1880 – 1885: Game fundamentals are introduced such as the down system (going 5 yards in three downs equals a first down), along with a scrimmage line and yard lines. Teams are now eleven to a side. A field goal is worth five points, a touchdown and conversion, four points each, and a safety is two points. The first play calling signals and planned plays are introduced.
1894: The officiating crew is increased to three; a referee and two bodyguards, also known as the umpire and linesman.
1896: Only one backfield man may now be in motion before the snap, any can be moving forward.
1897: A touchdown now counts as five points.
1909: Now a field goal is worth three points.
1910: Seven players must now be on the line of scrimmage when the ball is snapped, establishing the basic offensive formation concept. The forward pass becomes commonplace in college football.
1912: A rules committee determines that a touchdown is now worth six points and adds a fourth down. It is now practical to punt.
1922: The American Professional Football Association becomes the National Football League.
1932: The NFL begins keeping statistics.
1933: There is a major NFL rule change: the passer can throw from anywhere behind the line of scrimmage.
1934: The modern football takes its current shape after a gradual evolution from the oddly shaped egg like rugby ball.
1939: Helmets became mandatory in college football, and the pros followed within a decade.
1941: It’s the end of the dropkick era. Ray McClean boots a conversion off the turf in the NFL championship game. In 2005, Doug Flutie created a sensation by doing it once again.
1946: The NFL’s first major rival league, the All-American Football Conference begins play. It lasts just four seasons with the Cleveland Browns winning all four titles.
It took another eight years before I realized from my father that I had been born a Pittsburgh Steeler fan. I first became a rabid baseball fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates for the next 20 years. Slowly but surely football reached out and grabbed me and when the 1970’s hit I was hooked. Unfortunately, I haven’t had much to cheer about with the Steelers in recent years. I was fortunate enough to move to New England and got to enjoy all of the years of Tom Brady and the Patriots. My allegiance wavered when Brady moved to Tampa Bay, but everything must come to an end at some point. Now I’m what would be called a fair-weather fan.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve been assured by so-called experts that things were good and ten minutes later another so-called expert is screaming “doom and gloom”, it’s damn confusing. It’s amazes me how many experts or so-called experts exist especially when discussing sports. Let’s look into sports a little and listen to the real experts.
BASEBALL
“If Jesus were on the field he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be giving high fives to the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montréal Expos pitcher
“They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.” Tito Fuentes, National League infielder
“I am a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.” Mike Greenwell, Boston Red Sox outfielder
FOOTBALL
“Man, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.” Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
“I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi, St. Louis Rams coach
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe Theismann, player/commentator
BASKETBALL
“Left-hand, right-hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” Charles Shackleford, North Carolina State player
“I have won at every level, except college and pro.” Shaquille O’Neal, former Los Angeles Laker player
“A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins- the other team loses.” Isaiah Thomas
SOCCER
“If we play like that every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.” Bryan Robeson
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” Unnamed senior, University of Pittsburgh
“What I said to them at halftime would be unprintable on the radio.” Gerry Francis
“He’s one of those footballers whose brains are in his head.” Derek Johnstone
It’s seems to be an appropriate time for a few truths. We get so much BS from the Media and advertisers that many times we really aren’t sure what’s true and what’s not. Let me lay some truths on you today for a change. These are listed in no particular order.
Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
Silly Putty was the result of a failed attempt by General Electric to create a synthetic rubber for use in World War II.
A bank in Vernal, Utah, was built from bricks delivered by the U.S. Postal Service in 1916. The builders discovered that it was cheaper to mail them then to ship them from Salt Lake City.
Carl Hubbard is the only person inducted into three different sports halls of fame: baseball, college football, and Pro football.
The final resting place of Dr. Eugene Shoemaker, a geologist, is the moon. He arranged to have his ashes placed on board the Lunar Prospector spacecraft that was launched on January 6, 1998.
The “Too T TrappeR” is a charcoal filter shaped like a seat cushion that’s designed to silence and deodorizing any unwanted fart’s. It comes in gray or black and makes a rather awkward Christmas gift.
In days past, the term boner referred to a person who was a textile worker who inserted stays into women’s corsets and brassieres.
The only marsupial that is native to North America is the Virginia opossum.
Americans drink 50 times more soda now than they did a century ago.
It takes about 2,893 licks to get to the center of a typical Tootsie Pop.
The longest overdue book in the United States is 145 years (in Ohio). The longest in the world is 288 years (in Germany).
Breast reduction is the fifth most popular plastic surgery procedure for men.
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans.
It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
I woke up at 4:45 am today and it’s still cold and miserable outside. It’s been raining for a day and a half and I hate it. I made the decision to stay in bed under my warm electric blanket and to watch one of my favorite movies, The Godfather. There’s nothing like an couple hours of senseless violence, mayhem and the occasional murder or two to get your day started. I then caught up on the days sport scores so as not to be totally uninformed. My coffee was hot but unfortunately none of my hometown teams (Pittsburgh) were. I’ve been wanting to post a few limericks this week and I’ve also got sports on my mind. What’s better than a few sporty limericks to kick off this crappy day.
I’m not a huge sports fan but many people are. I’m strictly a baseball fan and have an interest in only one or two football games a season. Surprisingly many of our most famous celebrities played sports of one kind or another in their younger days. Check these sports fans out.
Matthew Perry – Ranked teenage tennis star at age 13 in Ottawa.
Kurt Russell – Left acting for Minor League baseball in 1971.
Queen Latifah – Power forward on two state championship basketball teams.
Richard Gere – Won a gymnastic scholarship to the University of Massachusetts.
Tommy Lee Jones – Was a champion polo player.
Keanu Reeves – Voted MVP on his high school hockey team.
Billy Crystal – Attended college on a baseball scholarship.
Jack Palance – Was once a professional boxer.
Sarah Michelle Gellar – Was a highly placed competitive figure skater.
Chevy Chase – Once worked as a tennis professional.
A guess there were a few surprises on that list but it’s nice to know that under all of that Hollywood nonsense lives a bunch of regular sports loving folks.
While I’m not much of a sports fan these days, I did play a lot of sports over the years. I loved playing sports but watching them now is as much fun as watching paint dry. I’m still a lover of trivia too so it’s about time I matched them up. Here are a few sports trivia facts you may not have been aware of.
Wilt Chamberlain averaged 48.5 minutes per game in 1961–62. That means he played every minute of every game and every minute of every overtime.
Pittsburgh is the only city where every one of its professional sports teams wears the same colors.
Major league baseball uses approximately 900,000 balls every season.
Prior to the 1930s in the NBA a jump ball used to follow every made basket.
One of the greatest pitchers in MLB history was known to run off the field during games to chase firetrucks. Rube Waddell was fascinated with firetrucks and managers had a difficult time keeping him on the mound if one drove by. It didn’t stop him from being one of the greatest strikeout pitchers in the history of the game.
Wilt Chamberlain once averaged over 50 points per game for an entire season.
Before Babe Ruth, MLB’s career home run record was just 138. When the babe retired, the new record was 714.
Jackie Mitchell, one of the first (and only) female player in the major league baseball system, once struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in consecutive at-bats. The strikeouts occurred during a minor league exhibition game against the Yankees.
For 43 years, the NFL record for the longest made field goal was held by a man (Tom Dempsey) with no toes on his kicking foot.
Jackie Robinson was not the first black player in major league baseball. William Edward White, a former slave, served as a one-game replacement player in 1879. Moses Fleetwood Walker lasted slightly longer, playing nearly a full season in 1884, 63 years before Jackie Robinson made his historic debut.
everyuselessthing.com 