I’m not much of a celebrity lover. I’ve been able to live a great life without knowing about their tattoos, their favorite foods, or when they lost their virginities. I’ve met a few over the years and wasn’t all that impressed because they’re just folks like the rest of us. As I was recently going through a few books I found information about some celebrities that really brought it home just how down-to-earth they really are. As a child I was bullied for two years by a fat neanderthal with an IQ of ten who outweighed me by at least 60 pounds. It made my life miserable for a time until I grew eight inches taller, put on an additional thirty-five pounds, and then got even. I feel for anyone who has been put in that position, including celebrities. Here’s a list of some famous folks and the nicknames they were forced to deal with.
Kate Moss – Mosschops, Kate Winslet – Blubber, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos – Jolly Blond Giant, Victoria Beckham – Acne Face, Geri Halliwell – Pancake (flat chested), Elle Macpherson – Smelly Elly, Jeff Goldblum – Bubwires (braces), Justin Timberlake – Brillo Pad, Robert DiNiro – Bobby Milk, Nicole Kidman – Stalky, Gisele Bundchen – Oli (short for Olive Oyl), Britany Spears – Boo Boo,
Some of the celebrity nicknames were mild and a few others were just plain mean. We’ve all had to deal with nicknames as we grew up. I dealt with the name Crazy Legs for a year or two and then Hazelnut after that. My all-time favorite and longest-lasting nickname was of course, Smart Ass, which seemed to be every one’s favorite. It was last used as recently as yesterday and has over the years become a badge of honor for me.
Why is it that everybody seems to love celebrities. It’s something that’s puzzled me for many years and I still don’t understand the fascination. During my lifetime I’ve met a number of celebrities and after short conversations very few of them were interesting. Underneath all the glitz and glamour and the famous roles that they’ve played, it’s still just a regular old human being playing dress up like they did when they were kids. They have the same problems and issues as all the rest of us except for the fact that a few problems they have are exacerbated by their fame and celebrity. Their worst problem is primarily the use and abuse of drugs as reflected by the endless list of OD fatalities. I dug into my archives again today and picked up a few trivia items concerning celebrities from the early Hollywood years. For those of you that love celebrities and can’t live without TMZ and the effing Kardashian clan, you have my sympathies. You should stop reading now and go have a cup of coffee or a stiff drink. That’s what’s I’m going to do.
An old-time actress, Ethel Barrymore, was the first actress to have a theater named after her.
A great actor James Cagney made his first stage appearance as a chorus girl in a show called Every Sailor.
In the famous Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho, the blood in the famous shower scene was actually chocolate syrup.
Child actress Shirley Temple appeared in her first film, The Red-Haired Alibi, at the age of three.
Yule Brenner was famous for his shiny bald head but most people who watched his movies had no idea his real hair was actually a dark brown.
Jimmy Durante of the famous gravelly voice and large nose insured his nose at Lloyd’s of London.
In the 1968 film, 2001: A Space Odyssey, the out-of-control computer HAL, is taught to sing the song, A Bicycle Built for Two.
Dolly Parton and her two wonderfully round and soft friends once had the name, Booby Trap as a CB handle.
Famous leading man Sean Connery represented Scotland in the 1952 Mr. Universe contest.
Elizabeth Taylor’s film career started at the age of 10 in a low-brow comedy called There’s One Born Every Minute, which also featured former Our Gang star, Carl (Alfalfa) Switzer.
As you can see most of the celebrity gossip from the good old days isn’t nearly as juicy as what we’re dealing with today. I just wish I had the power to bundle up all of the Kardashians (including big Daddy/Mommy Jenner), all of their associates and children and lovers and ex-lovers and husbands and ex-husbands, and dump them all back into the 1920’s. If only wishing made it so.
I realize how many of you absolutely adore and idolize celebrities and some politicians. I will admit that not all of them are objectionable but as with any group of people there’s a certain percentage that give them all a bad name. I thought I’d start off first with five presidents that were arrested and convicted of crimes of one sort or another. See if you can match up the arrest with the appropriate photograph. Not as hard as you might think but if nothing else it makes them a little more human.
NAME THAT PRESIDENT
President Ulysses S. Grant was once arrested for speeding and his horse and carriage were impounded. He paid in a $20 fine and then walked back to the White House.
President Thomas Jefferson and President-To-Be James Madison were once arrested by an overeager police officer in Vermont in the spring of 1791, for carriage riding on a Sunday.
Then there’s “Tricky Dicky” Nixon of Watergate fame. The first and only president to be forced to resign from office because of his misdeeds and terrible judgment. Fortunately for him Pres. Gerald Ford officially pardoned him.
President Franklin Pierce was arrested in 1853 for running over an old lady.
Now that you’ve completed the presidential quiz, next comes some really out of control celebrities. Some of these photos are old but most are relatively current. Without cheating, name as many as you can without doing research on-line and then send me your total on a comment. I thought they were fairly easy so it shouldn’t be all that tough. It’s fun to see them without all the makeup and expensive clothes and having “regular folks” problems.
CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS
NAME YOUR FAVORITE CELEB
Nick Nolte, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Gary Bussey, Paris Hilton, Robert Downey Jr.,
Jane Fonda, Mike Tyson, Yasmine Bleeth, Macaulay Culkin, Kloe Kardashian, Heather Locklear
everyuselessthing.com 