Archive for the ‘cell phone marriages’ Tag

04-11-2014 Cellular Love & Marriage   1 comment

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I consistently ask myself questions about the things I see.  It’s not that I’m seeing these things that bothers me, it’s that I don’t entirely understand what I’m seeing.  One of the things that confuses me the most are the situations I see developing these days between people and their cell phones.

I’ll try to explain clearly where I’m coming from in order to keep any confusion to a minimum. After being held hostage by Verizon Wireless for the last seven years I made the bold move of dumping their service and stepping back three or four technological paces to something far simpler and inexpensive. I won’t get into the particulars except to say I’ve cut my monthly costs by 70%.  I don’t want you to think I hate cell phones because I don’t.  What I do hate is the unhealthy hold those devices seem to have on such a large portion of our population.

Next, I need to state emphatically my total and complete support for both heterosexual and homosexual marriages.  No, my mind isn’t wandering but hang in there a moment or two until I explain.  I object strongly to the new wave of intimate relationships I’m observing between humans and cellphones. It’s becoming a little embarrassing to see these phones being cuddled and stroked by both men and women in public places. It’s a bit disgusting. 

People buying their phones cutesy little bejeweled outfits in a variety of colored covers to keep things from getting too boring.  Even the kids are getting into the act with little or no parental oversight.  Sitting along in their rooms at night talking quietly on the phone, roaming the Internet until all  hours of the morning, and posting "selfies" to the world that would in some cases make a porn star blush.

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Those phones are coddled and babied and remain all snuggly in a pocket or purse held tightly next to the heart (or other body parts) of their owners.  I know many women and even a few men who would like nothing better than to have a large device vibrating in their pocket.  People just can’t seem to keep their hands off their phones and don’t even try. What’s next?  The formation of political special interest groups to promote our freedom to marry our cellphones?  Don’t laugh, as weird as things are these days,  it could happen. 

Cell phone ownership is becoming almost as intimate as a marriage.  First you need to find that “soulmate” or should I say “cell-mate”.  It must be attractive and shapely and have all of those attributes you’re looking for.  Once you’ve found that perfect match then your required to enter into a contract for a two year period.  Very similar to a marriage license if you ask me but with one additional advantage.  When your cell-mate gets a little older, all scratched up, and the battery starts to fail you can dump it and sign up for an upgrade. If you dare decide to end the relationship before the contract is up your forced to pay and pay dearly for that right.  Sounds just like a divorce I managed to survive twenty years ago.

I guess I just haven’t met my true "cell-mate" yet.  I suppose it will happen all of a sudden like a lightning bolt and I’ll be lost forever in that wonderful haze of first love, sexting something juicy for the first time, or sending an HD photo of some of my body parts to people who don’t want to see them.

You just gotta love those cell-phones.  Right Lovey.

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