I’m beginning to believe that my doctor is plotting against me.  During my last visit he convinced me to take a new vaccine that would assist my immune system in fending off a fairly large number of viruses.  He claimed that in conjunction with my previous Pneumonia vaccination and my flu shot I’d be protected from almost everything.  That was two weeks ago.

First of all as I was receiving the shot the nurse told me there might be a little muscle pain in the area where the shot was placed.  What she didn’t tell me was I’d be unable to move my arm and shoulder for a week without major pain. I let it go figuring any shot in the arm will have some pain involved and finally a week later the pain subsided and movement of my arm and shoulder returned to normal.  I felt better about myself and went on about my life, smiling all the way.

Why can’t we hold these medical experts responsible when everything they say seems to be just so much BS and guesswork. Get a flu shot and then immediately get the freaking flu. Get a magic vaccination to prevent illnesses and immediately get an freaking illness.  For the last week or so I watched my family members and even my better-half struggling with some weird virus that caused a tremendous amount of congestion in the chest and head and caused terrible headaches.  I was sympathetic and did what I could to make things better but at the same time thanking some god or another for my magical vaccination.  I walked through my germ ridden house with the confidence of a really healthy and well maintained individual.  My trust in my doctor was as high as it’s ever been until two days ago.

I’m lying in bed this morning wondering what the hell happened. I woke up two days ago with a minor cough and a slight fever.  Then my throat started the infamous burn which always leads to something awful.  My mouth was as dry as the Sahara and I needed help prying my lips apart to drink a little water.  I peeled enough crust from my eyelids to fill a coffee cup and did that disgusting task between trips to the facilities that Mother Nature demanded. So far the projectile vomiting has yet to show up and I pray it stays away forever.

Two days of very little sleep, a better-half who hacked, coughed, and snored like a 400 pound truck driver, a fever to keep me warm, and a total loss of taste.  Even if I wanted to eat I wouldn’t be able to taste a thing.  Coffee and tea tasted like hot water and eating just about any food was like chewing and swallowing cardboard.

I can already hear my doctor, "I guess this virus wasn’t one of the ones included in the miracle vaccine."  I may just be forced to kick his ass. I figure if I’m forced to pay hundreds of dollars for these shots there should be some sort of guarantee based on performance.  I can be sure of only one thing it seems, there will be any effing refunds from the medical community or the drug company who’s reaping all of the monetary rewards.

Thanks for nothing doc.