Archive for the ‘flu’ Tag

02-02-2016 Journal–Bad TV & Other Sicknesses!   4 comments

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‘Here’s our hero.’

Day three of my third bout with a flu, a cold, or some other sort of virus. My best friend for the foreseeable future once again becomes phlegm.  Sleeping has become impossible, the coughing never ending, and this fever just plain sucks.  Welcome to my so-called life.  I’d like to send a big THANK YOU out to all of those medical experts who told me a flu shot would solve all of my winter health problems. BS..BS..BS!!!!

Since I remain somewhat bedridden the days have been dragging along even slower than usual.  I hate being even a little sick but this winter season has been the worst ever.  It’s been one virus or flu after another for the last two months.  I can’t take it anymore. 

I do feel a little better now that I have whined to you and gotten most of the anger out of my system.  My better-half has been suffering in silence (that is sarcasm) and hasn’t been getting much sleep either. I hope this virus goes away soon before she kills me in my sleep.

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‘No really, he’s a good guy.’

Being bored to tears causes most people to do strange and unusual things. I decided to turn on Netflix and to watching the eight seasons of a crime drama called Dexter. If your not familiar with the show it’s about a serial killer who only kills other killers.  It is one of the creepiest shows I’ve ever seen where show producers are attempting to convince the audience that the serial killer star is somehow a victim of circumstances. I guess that means if you kill somebody and you had a tough childhood, it’s understandable and the rest of us should be more sympathetic.  Screw that.  The show went off the air in 2013 with huge ratings and millions of viewers and good riddance to it in my opinion. 

This show plays to everyone’s morbid curiosity about death and serial killers for nothing more than stupid TV ratings and money.  Say what you will but anyone with children who allows them to watch this crap should be arrested. Nothing like filling the minds of a generation of young people with the thought that killing and dismembering someone is okay if they’re bad people. It’s ridiculous and morally unacceptable but continues to show the downward spiral of the entertainment industry which has been going on for some time.

Is it any wonder that many of the most popular movies on the market these days are animated and made for kids.  The people in this country know what’s worth watching and what isn’t or so I thought.  The fact that it hasn’t been figured out by the cynical Hollywood crowd is no big surprise either. It’s all about the money and the hell with any consequences.

I’ve criticized this show a number of times when it was being aired and will continue to do so now that Netflix insists are enlarging it’s audience by tens of millions of viewers. 

This posting has been my last major rant on the subject and I still hate the show’s approach to TV and their audience. 

GREEDY HOLLYWOOD BASTARDS

10-19-2015 Journal – Flu Shots, Y or N!   Leave a comment

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Have you gotten your flu shot yet?  For the last month I’ve been receiving emails from damn near everyone reminding me to do so.  OMFG . . . every year it’s the same damn thing. It seems everyone on this planet knows how to keep me healthy better than I do. Up until three years ago I’d never had a flu shot but finally gave into all of the pressure from friends, family, insurance companies, and doctors.

Four years ago I came down with a wicked case of the flu that actually was so bad  I thought I was going to die. Since fear is the ultimate motivator for us poor humans I decided to finally give in and get flu shots on a regular basis.

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I understand how the shots are supposed to work but as with all things I’ve become somewhat skeptical.  I have very low expectations of most people because they insist on telling me things that forward their agendas instead of my own. People say I’m too cynical, skeptical, and pragmatic but after years of experience I’ve found myself correct more often than not. 

I made my way to Rite-Aid a few weeks ago with a note from my insurance carrier and a pat on the head from Medicare.  The process was simple, straight forward, and before I knew it I was in, inoculated, and done.  Then I sat down and began to peruse the pile of paperwork they handed me. A rather nice young lady took some of her valuable time to tell me about some of the possible symptoms I could expect.  First, within 48 hours my arm would be a sore and might stiffen up a little.  In a week after that I would likely have issues with headaches and possibly a minor fever.  I thought for a minute that I was flashing back on one of those hundreds of TV drug commercials we’re bombarded with. I sat patiently waiting for her to include anal leakage as one of my symptoms but she never did . . . thank God.   

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It’s now two weeks later and I’m going through my list of symptoms right on schedule. I had the required sore arm for a few days which was annoying but not too terrible. I could still pick my nose but it hurt a little. The arm remained sore for almost a week until the headaches kicked in. The arm still hurt but I was more concerned about the headache that was threatening  to blow the top of my head off. I’ve never been prone to headaches or migraines but this had to be something very similar.  I spent my days popping dozens of Tylenol and was still unable to sit quietly to read a book.  I won’t even get into the side effects from taking all of those damn Tylenol. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have so many smart people convincing me to get that damn flu shot.

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Next  the low grade fever arrived right on schedule.  It’s been sapping my strength for the last week but finally seems to be easing up some.  So for more than three weeks now I’ve had what I’m told is a mild case of the flu. My last serious bout with the flu lasted only a week but so far this alleged mild version has hung in there for three weeks.

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I’m beginning to believe that the cure is actually as bad if not worse than the disease. Thanks to everyone who convinced (conned) me to get that effing shot. All I really want to know now is who do I contact later in the Fall when I actually get the real flu. I have a strong cynical feeling that may occur as well.

It’s funny but I’m also sure if I do  actually get the flu all of those alleged experts who strong-armed me into this flu shot will be missing in action. They’ll return next year in larger numbers to again frighten and strong-arm many of us once again.

LONG LIVE THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM

04-01-2015 Journal– A Mish-Mosh of Stuff!   Leave a comment

I suppose I could try and pull some lame April Fool’s joke but I won’t. I already got suckered once today on Facebook. Some moron sent an post that Tom Brady had announced his retirement from the Patriots. A-hole me immediately clicked to the site to read the news and got the big flashing screen with APRIL FOOL on it.  It still never feels good making an ass of yourself but you’d think by now I’d be considered a certified expert.

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“Sap collections continue.’

We had a new baby arrive this week and on top of all that excitement I received a formal letter from my dentist to announce his retirement. Every thing seems to balance out no matter how stupid it is.  Life just continues rolling along and dragging us along as well.

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‘Even the court houses allow their trees to be tapped by the locals.’

The flu and virus epidemics running rampant through the family continues apace.  All of the youngsters are over the worst of it but we adults are getting hammered hard.  We’re all hoping to be on the mend for Easter but who really knows.  Maybe grandson #1 will bring us another dose of something from that disease factory they call Day-Care.  I know it’s necessary for the kids to build a strong and healthy immune system by catching all of these viruses but c’mon.  My immune system has never been required to respond to so many different things in  my life.  If I survive all this nonsense I should have an immune system strong enough to make me bulletproof.

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‘My favorite farm stop for spices, jellies, and home grown fruit.’

The sun is shining during the day but our nights remain below twenty degrees and I’m soooooooo tired of freezing my ass off.  I need some warm temps, open windows, and fresh air.  I took the grill out of mothballs yesterday and cooked our first burgers and sausages for 2015.  They tasted great and were cooked perfectly. I was a little worried that the tassel hat, parka, and gloves might make cooking a bit difficult.  What harm can a splash of hot grease do to my new gloves?

With the better-half working an evening shift I think I’ll be chilling a bottle of my pomegranate wine.  Then over to Amazon Prime for a movie or two and some total relaxation.

03-31-2015 Journal – Miracle Drugs?   Leave a comment

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I’m beginning to believe that my doctor is plotting against me.  During my last visit he convinced me to take a new vaccine that would assist my immune system in fending off a fairly large number of viruses.  He claimed that in conjunction with my previous Pneumonia vaccination and my flu shot I’d be protected from almost everything.  That was two weeks ago.

First of all as I was receiving the shot the nurse told me there might be a little muscle pain in the area where the shot was placed.  What she didn’t tell me was I’d be unable to move my arm and shoulder for a week without major pain. I let it go figuring any shot in the arm will have some pain involved and finally a week later the pain subsided and movement of my arm and shoulder returned to normal.  I felt better about myself and went on about my life, smiling all the way.

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Why can’t we hold these medical experts responsible when everything they say seems to be just so much BS and guesswork. Get a flu shot and then immediately get the freaking flu. Get a magic vaccination to prevent illnesses and immediately get an freaking illness.  For the last week or so I watched my family members and even my better-half struggling with some weird virus that caused a tremendous amount of congestion in the chest and head and caused terrible headaches.  I was sympathetic and did what I could to make things better but at the same time thanking some god or another for my magical vaccination.  I walked through my germ ridden house with the confidence of a really healthy and well maintained individual.  My trust in my doctor was as high as it’s ever been until two days ago.

I’m lying in bed this morning wondering what the hell happened. I woke up two days ago with a minor cough and a slight fever.  Then my throat started the infamous burn which always leads to something awful.  My mouth was as dry as the Sahara and I needed help prying my lips apart to drink a little water.  I peeled enough crust from my eyelids to fill a coffee cup and did that disgusting task between trips to the facilities that Mother Nature demanded. So far the projectile vomiting has yet to show up and I pray it stays away forever.

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Two days of very little sleep, a better-half who hacked, coughed, and snored like a 400 pound truck driver, a fever to keep me warm, and a total loss of taste.  Even if I wanted to eat I wouldn’t be able to taste a thing.  Coffee and tea tasted like hot water and eating just about any food was like chewing and swallowing cardboard.

I can already hear my doctor, "I guess this virus wasn’t one of the ones included in the miracle vaccine."  I may just be forced to kick his ass. I figure if I’m forced to pay hundreds of dollars for these shots there should be some sort of guarantee based on performance.  I can be sure of only one thing it seems, there will be any effing refunds from the medical community or the drug company who’s reaping all of the monetary rewards.

Thanks for nothing doc.

01-26-2015 Journal– A Revised Number List!   Leave a comment

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“This is a courtesy warning for those of you with weak stomachs. What you are about to read was written while under the influence of twenty different cold and flu medications. Proceed at your own risk.”

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As my better-half and I lay here in bed this morning coughing and sniffling, I had a major epiphany.  Basically the human body is a complex, disgusting, and disturbing mess.  Let’s run down the list of my favorites things.  We have farts, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet, and a host other smells that are best forgotten. We are easy infected with every virus imaginable and the medical research community is hard at work (so they say) to come up with answers and remedies for them.  That doesn’t include the common cold of course. Nothing or no one seems to be able to find that super drug that will conquer that sneaky little disease.

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Let’s not forget the biggest two items we first learned about as children, #1 and #2.  Let’s call them what they are, urine and poop.  I’m not sure what genius started the #1 and #2 nonsense but I’d bet it was some goody-two shoes afraid to say those two disgusting words.  While he was standing around being disgusted he made a critical error.  He forgot the all important #3, Phlegm aka mucus aka sputum. While urine and poop are smelly and disgusting phlegm rules. It comes in multiple colors and multiple textures and it never stops being produced. At least with urine and poop, you go once and your good for a while. With phlegm there’s no end.  I could probably fill an Olympic size swimming pool with all of the phlegm my body has produced in my lifetime. In just the last twelve hours my better-half and I have produced at least twenty gallons each without even trying.

I actually prefer the term sputum rather than phlegm or mucus.  It sounds much more sophisticated and medical.  If someone  says the word phlegm to me it immediately brings to mind a pearly little lugie.  Lugies are even more disgusting because you can be targeted accidentally or purposely by one of those mean spirited and accurate lugie spitters.  If someone says "I have a build up of sputum in my throat." It sounds a little less disgusting and more official. 

So, what have we learned so far.  First there should a #3 added to the lexicon to identify Sputum or phlegm or mucus.  I’m really just trying to class things up a little for a change but no one wants to cooperate.

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I see in our future a new national observance for Sputum Day.  This substance has become as big a part of our miserable lives as #1 and #2 and in January and February may even surpass them.  It deserves to be recognized and celebrated with parades and parties not just in the US but across the world. We already have Earth Day and I think it’s time for Sputum Day.  The drink of the day can be green beer (stolen from St. Paddy’s Day) and laced with mayonnaise.  A thick and repugnant drink that can really bring back memories of colds and flu from your childhood. There’s nothing better than a disgusting trip down Memory Lane.

Enough! This post is actually beginning to turn my stomach too. I’ll clean up my act when and only when I start to feel a little better.  Meanwhile I’ll just keep producing all this phlegm and sucking down all these miracle cold and flu remedies that don’t really work.  All they do is create more Sputum.

Don’t even get me started on Smegma.

01-22-2015 Journal–Moody January Blues!   4 comments

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It appears I may have contracted one of a number of viruses, cold, or a flu of some sort.  Winter is tough enough when your confined to your home but being ill at the same time is murder.  My energy level is such that I’m postponing all of my current projects for a while.

The bathroom remodel is on hold after making a surprisingly good start.  All of the supplies have been delivered from Lowe’s and are piling up in my man-cave.  That’ll start driving me crazy in short order.  I’ve resigned myself to more sedentary tasks such as writing and sketching and a hour or so everyday of Halo where I can kill a few aliens without tiring myself out. There’s nothing so satisfying as ridding a planet of bad guys without getting out of your favorite chair.

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I just finished having my breakfast which was an experiment in eating.  One of our Christmas gifts this year was a NutriBullet used to make any number of smoothies to help us drink our way to good health. I always thought that was what bourbon was for but things change I guess. I eat more than my share of veggies and herbs and I really prefer eating them on a plate and not in a smoothie.  For me smoothies sole purpose is to give me a proper substitute for creamy, sweet, and satisfying milkshakes.  With that thought in mind I decided to try something different.

Normally I’m fairly regimented in my eating habits. I love cereal and try to have it three times a week.  My other option is bacon and eggs and I’ve tried to cut back on that in recent years to just once every two weeks.  This morning I filled the NutriBullet with two cups of almond milk (which I’ve come to love), a cup and a half of cereal containing freeze dried strawberries, oat chunks, and bran.  I dropped in a half cup of blueberries and gave it two minutes in the NutriBullet. I was as shocked as anyone when I tasted it. It was fantastic and I’ll be having it again real soon.  It may not be the oft praised health food that the fanatics require but it works for me.

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The cat and I are spending some quality time together this morning after a couple of weeks of disputes.  He’s been banned from our bedroom at night because of his insistence on waking us up at odd hours for no apparent reason.  I locked him out of the bedroom a week ago and he been more than a little pissy ever since.  He doesn’t like change in his life anymore than the rest of us but he has no choice but to adjust.

I plan on taking it easy for a few more days until after the Super Bowl and then try and get back to work.  I’ve just downloaded four more novels for my Kindle and that should keep me occupied until then. 

Life goes on whether we like it or not.

01-14-2015 A Dose of Useless Crap!   Leave a comment

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I’m really tired of talking about Maine’s winter weather and I’m just as sure your tired of hearing about it.  I’ll take a few steps back into the past and try to entertain you with some unusual trivia.  It’s been a while since I delved into my bag of useless crap but I feel like sharing today. I’ll try to keep things interesting and not weather related.  Let’s go . . . .

  • Murphy’s Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.
  • For over forty years, Herbert Hoover gave all of his political earnings to charity, including his wages and pension as president.
  • America’s last professional bare-knuckle boxing bout, in 1889, went to seventy-five rounds. The fight was between John I. Sullivan and Jake Kilrain – Kilrain lost. The famous lawman Bat Masterson was the timekeeper.
  • Butter was the first food product allowed by law to have artificial coloring.  It is totally white in it’s natural state.
  • The average person laughs thirteen times a day.
  • Forty-five percent of cat owners buy a holiday gift for their pet.
  • Honeybees maintain a temperature of 94 degrees in their hives year round.
  • Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
  • If you were locked in a completely sealed room you would die of carbon dioxide poisoning before  oxygen deprivation.
  • In 1976 the swine flu vaccine caused more deaths than the illness it was intended to prevent.
  • It would take seven billion particles of fog to fill a teaspoon.

And one quote: “God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”  ROBIN WILLIAMS

That’s enough for today.  I do love trivia but a steady diet of it seems to be a sad commentary on my life as it currently exists.  If you take these weird facts and use them properly you can amaze and surprise your friends with your vast knowledge of totally useless information.  I have to say my friends were never all that impressed but the hell with them too.  I can tell you one fact that you might not have figured out just yet.  The last place you ever want to be is in a bar on trivia night with me sitting next to you.  You’ll be so tempted to just walk over and give me a smack and truthfully I wouldn’t blame you.

I’m done for today but more of this stuff is in your future if you continue to read this blog.

07-17-2014 Journal Entry – Yard Photo’s and More!   Leave a comment

Every once in a while I find something that catches my eye.  This photograph is of a entry gate that leads to an old and extremely run down house located next door to nowhere important. I saw it a few months ago as we were driving around looking for anything interesting.  I didn’t stop for the shot then but I did a few days ago when we happened upon it once again.  I found it simple and fascinating.

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It’s been an interesting few days.  Shortly after posting earlier in the week I came down with a truly nasty 24 hour stomach virus.  I won’t get into the stinky and smelly details but that virus targeted areas of my body that shouldn’t be messed with.  All of my activities ceased immediately except for staying within running distance of any bathroom facilities.  I was on the mend within twenty-four hours and regained my appetite and my antagonistic attitude rather quickly.

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Just when I thought things were improving my better-half said those infamous words you never want to hear, “I think I’m getting a sore throat and my stomach hurts.” It’s only this morning that she was able to get out bed and go to work.  She’s one of those women who seems more macho that most men when it comes to missing work.  She gets some sort of rush by being able to make it to work regardless of the circumstances.  I was like that once but times for me have changed, thank God.

Since I’ve been staying close to home these last few days I thought I’d spend a little time photo documenting every type and color of flower in our gardens that we’ve been blessed with this season. I was more than a little  surprised at the variety myself. Here are a few samples of some of those flowers with more to follow as they begin blooming.

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Believe me when I tell you there’s no better way to spend an hour or two each week by walking through the garden and photographing everything. It’s a really tough life I have but you know someone’s gotta do it.

06-23-2013   Leave a comment

Maybe my lucks changing.  After being flattened for almost a full week with some kind of flu I’m almost back to normal (whatever that is).  Someone asked me if I was back to 100% yet and I could only smile.  I stated the obvious that I hadn’t been a 100% since 1996.  It was a vicious little virus that did a real job on everyone who was unlucky enough to catch it.

I started feeling much better and what did I hear next.  Thunderstorm alerts and warnings for our immediate area.  You might think that’s a bad thing but not for me.  I freaking love thunderstorms.  They started just as it was getting dark and they were beautiful.  I wanted to sit  out on the deck for a while but the rain was a little too intense for that.  For almost three hours there was crackling lightning, heavy rains, and a howling wind.  It was fantastic and I enjoyed every second of it.  Unfortunately we get very few of these storms so I have to take the time to enjoy them when we do.

There wasn’t much else for the better-half and I to do but sit quietly, enjoy the storm, and talk about our day.  I love our satellite  TV system but even it can’t stand up to heavy rain like we were getting.  It took hours for the signal to get through the heaviest of the downpours so we could be blessed with the standard list of reruns and crappy TV.

We’ve been buying more movies of late because of all the disappointing TV that just never seems to get any better.  Recently during a weekend of free HBO and SHO I watched one of the recent ridiculous remakes of our beloved fairy tales, Snow White and the Huntsman.  It wasn’t totally awful thanks to Charlize Theron but peppering our childhood tales with massive amounts of violence tends to make me uncomfortable and more than a little concerned for the young kids who are watching them.

As I was out shopping the next day I saw a sale for another insane remake of a fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel.  I took a chance and paid good money for it.  What a mistake.  The entire story was so badly rewritten that I walked away and refused to watch the last twenty minutes.  Badly used profanity by the female lead was laughable.  I understand using appropriately blunt profanity to make a movie feel more authentic but this was just really stupid.  It did seem they were setting it up at the end for a possible sequel but I hope that doesn’t happen.  Two wrongs have never made a right and these two would be no exception.  If you haven’t seen it, don’t waste your time or your money.

I can tell I’m on the mend because the urge to criticize has been growing steadily for the last few hours.  I should be back in fighting form soon with my keyboard in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.  Life will soon be good again.

06-18-2013   2 comments

I guess I need to apologize for the short and uninformative posting yesterday.  My state of mind was kind of like a weather report on the evening news:  Higher temperatures expected this evening with intermittent diarrhea and vomiting.  Tomorrow’s forecast looks much better with lower temperatures and calm and clear conditions (I hope).

My better-half has accused me in the past of being a cynical SOB who is skeptical about everyone and everything.  I have to agree with her to a point but I prefer the term pragmatic which sounds a little better.  With that in mind I’m trying to look at this bout of flu or virus from a different perspective.  I’ll pretend to be the optimistic and happy-go-lucky kind of guy my better-half wishes me to be.

Here goes.  For most of the day I was in and out of sleep and running a fairly high temperature.  I was dreaming and conscious most of the time but not really making much sense of things.  As bad as I felt I found that special something that my better-half has been preaching to me about.  I’m happy, proud, and honored to announce that I spent some quality time in a classroom with Sir Isaac Newton.  His hair was a little strange looking but the conversation was educational and informative.  I won’t go into specifics because they’re still a little fuzzy and hard to remember.  Dreams are like like.

The second good thing about this illness was a little harder to discover but being the new and improved optimistic SOB I’ve become I finally figured it out.  Weight loss.  I’ve lost close to six pounds in less than three days and I didn’t have to hit the gym or participate in any physical activity.  That’s a true statement if you don’t consider projectile vomiting a form of exercise.  I know I sure don’t.

So, excellent and historically incorrect dreams along with a six pound weight loss.  It really can’t get much better than that says my better-half.  I hate to burst her rose-colored-glasses bubble but I have no choice.  As much as I like meeting a long dead scientist and losing six pounds of ugly fat, it still wasn’t worth it.  In my humble opinion being optimistic is highly overrated.  I plan on staying just the way I am and the hell with Isaac Newton, a few pounds of weight loss, and my ever so optimistic better-half.

The morale of the story is simple:  "Being sick sucks!"