Today’s post won’t mean much to you Millennials, Gen Z-er’s, Gen X-er’s, or whatever other ridiculous name is currently in fashion. These days everyone is required to have a stupid label but let me assure you here and now that my generation was limited to only two labels/pronouns, Him and Her. I know that’s going to cause a great deal of confusion for all of you WOKE youngsters out there, but I don’t really care.

I’m now considered to be an “old fart” whose opinions and thoughts are out-of-date and no longer relevant to this modern era. I’m not the least bit insulted by that and actually take it as a true left-handed compliment of sorts. I hope all of you “labelled” individuals out there are able to read the following lists without voicing your unimportant opinions in a disrespectful manner. Be patient because it’s a long list but well worth reading.

Close your eyes… and go back…

• Before the Internet, before semiautomatic pistols and crack and Mac-10’s.
• Before SEGA or Super Nintendo or X-Box.

Way back…

• Red light, Green light, 1 2 3.
• Chocolate milk, lunch tickets, penny candy in a brown paper bag.
• Hopscotch, butterscotch, double Dutch, jacks, kickball, and dodge ball.
• Mother May I? Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds, jawbreakers, blow pops, Mary Janes.
• The smell of the sun and lickin’ salty lips.

Wait, there’s more. . .

• Catchin’ lightening bugs in a jar, playin slingshot and Red Rover.
• When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
• Climbing trees.
• Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, sittin’ on the curb, jumpin’ down the steps,
• Jumpin’ on the bed, pillow fights.
• Being tickled to death, runnin’ till you were out of breath.
• Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.
• Playing catch with your best friend for hours or until your arm hurt.

I’m not quite finished just yet…

• Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake.
• Getting hundreds of kisses from a gang of puppies.
• When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”
• When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
• When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
• When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
• When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
• When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, every day.
• When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free. And you didn’t pay for air, and you got trading stamps to boot!
• When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought anything of it.

Don’t stop reading yet…

• When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
• When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did!
• When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
• Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!
• Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”
• “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
• Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”
• Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
• Kids only received trophies when they actually won something.

Almost finished, be patient…

• Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
• The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
• It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb.
• It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
• Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
• Nobody was prettier than Mom.
• It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the amusement park.
• Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”
• Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.
• “Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.
• Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
• The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
• War was just a card game.
• Running naked through the sprinklers on a hot day.
• Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
• Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
• Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
• Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
• Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have truly LIVED!!!!

OLD FARTS STILL RULE