Archive for the ‘retro’ Tag

09/13/2022 πŸš‹The Good Old DaysπŸš‚   Leave a comment

Trivia . . . more trivia . . . Here’s some interesting retro trivia from those good old days that we’ve always heard so much about. You can decide if they were as good as we’ve always been told.

  • Two hundred years ago: For kissing his wife in public on a Sunday after just returning from a three-year voyage, a Boston ship captain was made to sit two hours in the stocks for “lewd and seemly behavior”.
  • The first Cadillac, which was produced in 1903, cost less than the original model T Ford. Their prices, respectively, were $750 and $875.
  • The bathhouse in the late medieval town became the habitat for loose women and lecherous man as family life deteriorated. The medieval word for bathhouse, “stew,” has come down in English as a synonym for brothel.
  • The average married woman in 17th century America gave birth to 13 children.
  • One-third of all automobiles in New York City, Boston, and Chicago in 1900 were electric cars, with batteries rather than gasoline engines.

  • In 1909, Annette Kellerman, the Australian swimming star, appeared on a Boston beach wearing a figure- fitting jersey bathing suit with sleeves shortened almost to her shoulders and trousers ending 2 inches above her knees. She was arrested for indecent exposure.
  • Life expectancy at birth for Americans was 34.5 years for males and 36.5 years for females when George Washington became president in 1789.
  • As late as 1890, nearly 75% of Americans had to fetch their mail from a post office. A community had to have at least 10,000 people to be eligible for home delivery, and most people then lived in towns or on farms.
  • The Puritans, considering buttons a vanity and used only hooks and eyes.
  • In colonial days it was legal to smoke tobacco in Massachusetts only when the smoker was traveling and had reached a location that was 5 miles away from any town. In 1647 Connecticut passed a law forbidding social smoking and limiting the use of tobacco to once a day, and then only when the smoker was alone in his own house.

DO YOU PREFER “THEN” OR “NOW”?

08/18/2022 πŸ’₯MORE RETRO RIDDLESπŸ’₯   1 comment

It’s kind of a rainy day here in Maine. It’s gray and miserable which makes me feel even lazier than I normally do. With that thought in mind I thought I’d reach all the way back to the year 1984 for some retro riddles. As you read them keep remembering these were written in the 1980s which might help you put them into their proper context. Here we go . . .

  • What’s the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a Rabbi, a girlfriend and a Quaalude? A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor is a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a girlfriend is a penis tender, and a Quaalude is a penis bender.
  • When did the madam realize that the guy with no arms and legs on the front porch of the brothel wasn’t fooling around? When she figured out how he rang the doorbell!
  • What did the dentist say to the lady after she told him she’d rather have a baby then have a tooth pulled? “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair!”
  • What did the German general do when he heard that Napoleon wore red into battle so his troops wouldn’t panic in the event he was wounded? He ordered a brown uniform!
  • Why should you think twice before you marry a girl with hair down to her waist and boobs that stick out to here? Because in 10 years her boobs will be down to her waist and her hair will stick out to there!

  • Why can’t a man win with his wife? Because if he comes home early, she accuses him of being horny. If he comes home late, she suspects that he’s been out getting some. And if he comes home on time, she figures he’s got it already!
  • Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don’t have testicles!
  • What’s a liberated woman? A woman who has sex before marriage and a job afterwards!
  • What’s the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won’t stay up all night trying to fuck a musician!
  • What’s a platonic relationship? A relationship between a guy who wants to have sex and a girl who doesn’t!

SMILE, IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND

07/06/2022 Mish Mosh   Leave a comment

How about I just throw a little of everything your way on this fine Friday morning. I’ll start with a few apparently unedited newspaper headlines. I certainly hope the editors that approved these don’t get paid too much.

War Dims Hope for Peace

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Next on my list for today are a few retro bumper stickers. They seem to make more sense than these headlines did.

I Don’t Break for Pedestrians

Learn From Your Parents Mistakes-Use Birth Control

I’m Not a Complete Idiot-Some Parts are Missing

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

See, I told you they were better than the headlines. And last but not least, a quote you should be glad you didn’t make. I’m not a fan of either Nancy Pelosi or Barabara Boxer but the award for the stupidest quote goes to Barabara. She won by a nose.

“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God I’m still alive.” But of course, those who died – their lives will never be the same again.”

CALIFORNIA IS SO PROUD

06/20/2022 “Retro Limericks”   Leave a comment

A few months ago, while I was surfing on eBay, I purchased a number of books on a whim. In one of those books, I discovered it was a library book from the North Side School Library in Rogers, Arkansas dated 1965. The book contains limericks written by quite a variety of people, some well-known some not so much. They’re funny and cute and dated. I hope they bring a smile to your face as you read them. Here we go . . .

Edward Lear

There was an old man in a tree,

Who was horribly bored by a bee.

When they said, “Does it buzz?”

He replied, “Yes, it does!

It’s a regular brute of a bee.”

😁😁😁

Ogden Nash

There was an old man of Calcutta,

Who coated his tonsils with butta,

Thus, converting his snore

From a thunderous roar

To a soft, only oleaginous mutta.

πŸ˜›πŸ˜›πŸ˜›

Lewis Carroll

His sister named Lucy O’Finner,

Grew constantly thinner and thinner,

The reason was plain,

She slept out in the rain,

And was never allowed any dinner.

πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

Rudyard Kipling

There once was a small boy in QuΓ©bec

Stood buried in snow to his neck.

When asked: “Are you friz?”

He said: “Yes I is,

But we don’t call this cold in QuΓ©bec.”

πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

Carolyn Wells

A canner, exceedingly canny,

One morning he remarked to his granny,

“A canner can can

Anything that he can,

But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”

As you can see, some of these people were famous but that was 57 years ago. The limericks were mostly written in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s.

HAVE A GREAT DAY

06/05/2022 Slow Sunday   Leave a comment

I thought a little silliness would be in order on this slow Sunday. I’m expecting a gorgeous warm and sunny day for a change, and I plan to enjoy the hell out of it. Here are a few things that might tickle your funny bone.

RETRO BUMPER STICKERS

I MAY BE FAT BUT YOUR UGLY

!@#!*&$%

GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY

THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN; THOSE WHO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS; AND THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.

And finally, more dumb-ass crooks. This one explains how not to handle dangerous weapons.

In Wichita, Kan., police officers staking out a convenience store inadvertently unnerved two men parked innocently at an adjacent liquor store. According to police, a 19- year-old man in the car had a gun and thought that since police officers were nearby, he ought to get rid of it, but in the process of pulling it out of his pocket, he accidentally fired one round, which hit him in the leg, went through the front seat, and hit his 20-year-old companion. According to police Capt. Paul Dotson, the officers on stakeout, who had until then ignored the liquor store, had their attention engaged by the gunshot and the gun owner’s limping out of the car and throwing the gun over a fence. The shooter was charged with illegal possession of a firearm, and his companion was treated at a hospital and released without charges.

HAPPY SUNDAY

04/05/2022 Utter Nonsense   Leave a comment

STUPID HEADLINE

DEER WITH BIG RACK IS FEMALE, IT TURNS OUT

RETRO BUMPER STICKERS

I’M BI-COASTAL

RETIRED. NO PHONE. NO ADDRESS. NO MONEY

ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS EFFING CAR

BEYOND BITCH

BEER MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY

STUPID QUOTES by Ralph Kiner

Ralph Kiner, Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame slugger, was the broadcast voice of the Mets in the 60’s. For all of you baseball fans out there, here are a few of his gems.

“Today is Father’s Day, so to all of you fathers out there, we’d just like to say, Happy Birthday!”

“Solo homers usually come with no one on base.”

“Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”

If Casey Stengel were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave.”

ONE RUDE LIMERICK by Isaac Azimov

There was an old fellow from Tripoli

Who used to make love rather nippily.

Said his angry young lass

While rubbing her ass,

“Less teethily, please, and more lippily.”

πŸ†πŸ†πŸ†

THANKFULLY SPRING IS COMING SOON

03/18/2022 “A Mish-Mosh”   Leave a comment

Today is the perfect day for a pile of miscellaneous information that you didn’t realize you were missing. First a “Stupid Headline”, then a quote from the late Larry King, and thirdly a few retro bumper stickers to take you back to the 70’s. Last but not least two children’s limericks. Enjoy!

😝😝😝

STUDENT EXCITED ABOUT DAD GETTING HEAD JOB

πŸ€“πŸ€“πŸ€“

β€œI never learned anything while I was talking.” – Larry King

πŸš˜πŸš–πŸš—

GUNS CAUSE CRIME, LIKE FLIES CAUSE GARBAGE

NOT ALL WOMEN ARE FOOLS, SOME ARE SINGLE

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR OTHER CAR IS, WHAT YOU LOVE, OR WHAT YOU’D RATHER BE DOING

☘☘☘

There once was an organic leek

That had managed to learn how to speak.

At the site of the knife,

It would fear for its life,

And go: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

☘☘☘

There was a young girl named Miss Muffet

Who sat down one day on a tuffet.

She’d sooner have had

A chair, I might add,

But sometimes you just have to rough it.

ENJOY YOUR DAY (TGIF)

03/03/2022 🚚Stupid Bumper Sticker AlertπŸš›   Leave a comment

After receiving a few requests, it’s time for more retro bumper stickers. I’ve actually found a number of them that I’m in the process of having reprinted for my own use. I could be convinced to stick them on a few cars whose drivers have aggravated me. I’m also working on one for people who park inappropriately, to stick on their windshields. I’m a baaaad man.

IF YOU’RE RICH, I’M SINGLE

I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED

WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA; NOW GO HOME

TRUST ME. I’M A LAWYER

MY OTHER CAR IS A BROOM

GO AHEAD, HIT ME. I’M NOT INSURED

NO NUKES IS GOOD NUKES

JUST SAY NO TO INNUENDO

I CAN’T DRIVE 55

HELP BEAUTIFY AMERICA, GET A HAIR CUT

MAKE POLAND OUR 51ST STATE

THE WEATHER IS HERE. WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL

TV EVANGELISTS DO MORE THAN LAY PEOPLE

HUGS ARE BETTER THAN DRUGS

NEVER PLAY LEAP FROG WITH A UNICORN

And Here’s My Favorite:

REALLY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. I FINISH FIRST

02/22/2022 Retro Bumper Stickers   Leave a comment

I thought a good way to start a Tuesday would be to offer for your entertainment a few retro bumper stickers dating back to the 1980’s. The first one I’ll mention was on an orange Gremlin that I owned. It garnered a lot attention or so my mother told me on the day she borrowed my car. She was so naive, she thought all of those people honking were just being friendly. LOL Here is my first:

HONK IF YOUR HORNY

VINTAGE LOVER – AGED TO PERFECTION

LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO DANCE WITH UGLY MEN

RECYCLERS DO IT MORE THAN ONCE

BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE

I AM WOMAN. I AM INVINCIBLE. I AM TIRED

ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS CAR

JAPANESE CADILLAC

NOBODY’S UGLY AFTER 2 A.M.

GET OFF MY ASS, MORON

That’s enough for today. I need to find a website that prints custom made bumper stickers. Some of these need to be brought back to life here in the 21st century.

02/08/2022 Let’s Go Back 30 Years   Leave a comment

I’m sitting here looking out the window and it’s hardly worth doing. It’s snowy, sleeting, cold, and in general a real shit show. It’s a great day to be inside and to stay inside. It’s also a slow news week due primarily to the Olympics of which I really don’t care much about. With that in mind I thought I’d take you back 30 years to revisit some vintage bumper stickers. These were collected between 1988 and 1990 and might prove interesting to some of you and others won’t give a damn anyway. I’m feeling lazy today so here they are . . .

Watch Out! I Drive Like You Do.

Go Ahead, Make My Day.

I Brake For Idiots Like You.

Instant Fool. Just Add Beer.

Live And Let Die.

If It’s Too Loud, You’re Too Old.

Clothes Required, Underwear Optional.

Left-Handers Are In Their Right Mind.

Good Girls Go to Heaven. Bad Girls Go Everywhere.

Still Crazy After All These Beers.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Naked.

Old Musicians Never Die, They Just Decompose.

I’m Not Playing Hard To Get. I Am Hard To Get.

We Came, We Saw, We Yawned.

Sure, I’ll Respect You In The Morning. What Was Your Name Again?

I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T CARE, AND IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY.

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