Archive for the ‘hurling’ Tag

12-18-2015. Journal – Have a Flu Infested Christmas!   Leave a comment

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I know it’s the Christmas season and I also know that requires us to be as cheerful and happy as possible. I hope you’ll appreciate this break in all the happiness to listen to one of my short Christmas rants.  Sit back and enjoy while I vent for a bit and try to get my blood pressure to drop back to normal levels.

For many years I made a point of skipping flu shots for one simple reason. Every time I got a flu shot, surprise, surprise, I immediately got the flu.  As soon as I mentioned that to any healthcare provider I was given the always handy excuse of "It’s really just a milder version of the flu so be glad about that." I found it difficult to to be too glad so I finally stopped taking the shots. Just as a point of fact, I still got the damn flu and it didn’t feel all that different from the so-called milder version. What does that tell you?  It tells me that it’d possible that someone’s been pumping a whole lot of sunshine up my skirt  and getting away with it for years.

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I realize that the politicians in this country think that all of us non-political mouth-breathers are morons and uneducated idiots. I should add the entire healthcare system thinks that way as well with all of it’s so-called experts speaking down to us at every opportunity. I may be a moron and an idiot but I’m still able to recognize a huge pile of BS when I see it, step in it, or smell it. Right now I’m doing all three.

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‘Can’t see Santa till you get that flu shot kiddies.’

We constantly hear talk that certain chemicals used to create flu shots and other vaccines may be one of the causes of the massive increase in children diagnosed with forms of autism. Since I’m an idiot and a moron I’m expected to go along with all of the experts when it comes to injecting vaccines into my body. I’m also expected to believe all of the rhetoric and propaganda that’s shoved down my throat for a few months each year.

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Over the years they’ve  just made it too damn easy to get  flu shots. We can go to drug stores, malls, Walmart, and community centers. Maybe next year they’ll include a few gas stations, car repair shops, 7/11’s, or even have drive-thru service on interstate highway rest stops. Those rest stops are known for quite a diverse cross-section of the population who also are in need of flu shots. 

I received my flu shot this year in September and guess what? I’ve been sick with a host of flu symptoms for two months that never seem to go away. This must prove just how right the experts are, right? Instead of a one week case of the flu I’m now able to suffer for a month or more with their damn weaker version which really makes for a wonderful Christmas. I can sneeze, wheeze, and contaminate my entire family.  This mouth breathing moron is slowly waking up. . . . no more effing flu shots for me.

HAVE A MERRY FLU INFESTED CHRISTMAS – 6 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

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06-18-2013   2 comments

I guess I need to apologize for the short and uninformative posting yesterday.  My state of mind was kind of like a weather report on the evening news:  Higher temperatures expected this evening with intermittent diarrhea and vomiting.  Tomorrow’s forecast looks much better with lower temperatures and calm and clear conditions (I hope).

My better-half has accused me in the past of being a cynical SOB who is skeptical about everyone and everything.  I have to agree with her to a point but I prefer the term pragmatic which sounds a little better.  With that in mind I’m trying to look at this bout of flu or virus from a different perspective.  I’ll pretend to be the optimistic and happy-go-lucky kind of guy my better-half wishes me to be.

Here goes.  For most of the day I was in and out of sleep and running a fairly high temperature.  I was dreaming and conscious most of the time but not really making much sense of things.  As bad as I felt I found that special something that my better-half has been preaching to me about.  I’m happy, proud, and honored to announce that I spent some quality time in a classroom with Sir Isaac Newton.  His hair was a little strange looking but the conversation was educational and informative.  I won’t go into specifics because they’re still a little fuzzy and hard to remember.  Dreams are like like.

The second good thing about this illness was a little harder to discover but being the new and improved optimistic SOB I’ve become I finally figured it out.  Weight loss.  I’ve lost close to six pounds in less than three days and I didn’t have to hit the gym or participate in any physical activity.  That’s a true statement if you don’t consider projectile vomiting a form of exercise.  I know I sure don’t.

So, excellent and historically incorrect dreams along with a six pound weight loss.  It really can’t get much better than that says my better-half.  I hate to burst her rose-colored-glasses bubble but I have no choice.  As much as I like meeting a long dead scientist and losing six pounds of ugly fat, it still wasn’t worth it.  In my humble opinion being optimistic is highly overrated.  I plan on staying just the way I am and the hell with Isaac Newton, a few pounds of weight loss, and my ever so optimistic better-half.

The morale of the story is simple:  "Being sick sucks!"