Archive for the ‘liars’ Tag
It’s morning, it’s daylight, it’s cold, and I’m in my toasty bed reading a little Edgar A. Poe. I occasionally fall back to the classics when I’m bored with reading my normal stuff and today is one of those days.
‘He’s got Trump Hair’
I’m not a fanatic about poetry like some, but I will read a little if and when I have time to waste. Most poetry does nothing for me since I’ve self-classified myself as an anti-poetry snob. My idea of good poetry are bawdy limericks and poetry that promotes laughter and good humor.
I have no idea why I started my day today reading some of Poe’s depressing poetic offerings. I did my very best to concentrate on his works, Spirits of the Dead, The Valley of Unrest, and it was a chore. He’s the only poet that can take something beautiful and make it seem tragic and misbegotten. Man that guy had some serious issues.
I finally gave up on Poe when I started feeling depressed and put upon by his words. I moved over to an essay by one of my all time favorites, Mark Twain, or Samuel Clemens if you insist. He was renowned for being a spectacularly glib wise ass which immediately endeared him to me. His thoughts contained in “On the Decay of the Art of Lying” are just plain funny and sarcastic. Here’s a sample:
“The saying is old that truth should not be spoken at all times; and those whom a sick conscience worries into habitual violation of the maxim are imbeciles and nuisances.” It is strong language, but true. None of us could live with an habitual truth-teller; but thank goodness none of us have to. An habitual truth-teller is simply an impossible creature; he does not exist; he never has existed.
Everybody lies – every day; every hour; awake; asleep; if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude, will convey deception – and purposely. Even in sermons – but that is a platitude.
Anyone who disagrees with those statements is obviously living with their head deeply buried in the sand or deeply shoved up their ass. I’ve always been a fan of lying because lies serve many useful purposes. “Does my ass look big in this dress?”, “Of course not.’’, a beautiful, polite, required, and obvious white lie. We all have a million them and use them frequently.
Do you want me to explain lying to you when it comes to our political system and the liar that has been squatting in the “Peoples House” for the last seven years. That discussion would be totally rhetorical requiring no explanations or further conversations.
I think I could have supported Mark Twain as President only if he had the ability to select Edgar A. Poe as his Vice President. No there’s a pair that could have driven most of Congress right out of their every-lying minds. Throw in Donald Trump as Secretary of State and we’d have a unbeatable trifecta.
Enough of my musings. I’m going to roll over, hug my pillow, and say a prayer that the insanity that has had this country in it’s grip for seven years is slowly fading away. And who’s up next for the Dems but good old Hillary Clinton.
I find myself agreeing with a large block of voters in this country of both parties. We’re sick of hearing the names Bush and Clinton. To both factions, please just go away. You’ve done enough harm already and we don’t need any more.
‘Yikes”
‘OMFG Yikes Again’
I know you’ve all been waiting for my next installment of the “Things I Once Hated”. I’m only going through this endless process because I need to show my better-half just how much I’ve mellowed over the years and that living with her has had a serious calming effect on me (sarcasm off). Let’s get this going for numbers 41-55.
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#41 Organic Food – This is one of the biggest scams going. Put organic on the label of anything and you can immediately increase the price by twenty-five percent. In my opinion anything that is grown is organic. Wash off any fertilizer and insecticide and you have clean and organic food. I hate those liars who extort money from all of us under suspicious circumstances or labeling. No improvement here.
#42 Liars – refer back to #41. On a daily basis we have dozens of people who lie to us. I’ve always hated being told things that are less than true and I still do. No improvement here either.
#43 Ear Hair – I was introduced to this issue when my better-half was caught trying to trim the hair in my ears while I was napping. It’s one of her pet peeves and she’s gently forced me into adding it to my original list of one hundred. I’m still being forced to hate it or there’d be hell to pay. No improvement.
#44 Doctors – I’ve had to rethink this item because I finally met a doctor that wasn’t playing God and actually treated me like a thinking human being. I’ll concede to a 50% improvement.
#45 Large Aureoles – As I’ve stated many times before I love boobs. But large aureoles bother me for some unknown reason. I’m forced into not hating them because they’re normally attached to things I love. It’s a conundrum I tell you. No more hate for them results in a 100% improvement.
#46 Overweight Babies – Just writing about this problem pisses me off. Overfeeding a toddler or young kid is about the worst start you can give them in life. I hate the thought of it almost as much as the people responsible. No improvement.
#47 Dirty Toilets – I suppose you think I’m only talking about those disgusting restrooms found in stores and gas stations. I am but I’m also including anyone else who refuses to clean their own bathrooms. I’ve been in a few that still give me nightmares. No improvement.
#48 Stinky Cheese – I just don’t see the point of making or eating some types of stinky cheese. My grandfather was a big fan of Limburger cheese and I suspect it was only because it kept us kids away from him during our visits. No improvement and no thank you.
#49 Opossums – One of the most disgusting animals on the planet. I understand they’re great to have around to clean up road kill but they’re gross, ugly, and disgusting. No possible improvement.
#50 Roadside Death Shrines – I’m reconsidering this item out of sympathy to those people who insist on building them. I think the whole process is a waste of time and effort but I guess if it makes them feel better for all of fifteen minutes. What the hell, since I’m now a much more loving and tolerant person I can let it go (sarcasm off). 100% improvement.
#51 Extra Toes – Too creepy to even discuss and that goes for webs between the toes as well. Go join a carnival but stay away from me. No improvement.
#52 Nose Hair – Again something being pushed on me by my better-half. She’s obsessed with hating this item therefore so must I. No improvement.
#53 Jehovah Witnesses – I can’t begin to tell you how much fun I’ve had over the years messing with these people. I can’t say I actually hate them personally but I do resent anyone who tries to force their belief system on me. These folks are nothing if not persistent making them a huge target for my sometime sick sense of humor. 100% improvement.
#54 Salesmen – I’ll modify this category somewhat. I hate “high pressure” sales people. So I’ll claim a 50% improvement on this one as long as they don’t get in my face.
#55 Hot Tuna Casserole – I’ve done a total 180 on this one. I finally found someone with a recipe that I actually liked and looked forward to eating. No more hating of hot tuna dishes. 100% improvement.
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That should do it for today. Fifty-five items now completed with only forty-five more to go. Just remember all of these items are in no particular order of importance.
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