Archive for the ‘doctors’ Tag

02-24-2016 Journal – Obamascare 2016!   Leave a comment

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There are times in people’s lives when life insists are mucking things up. For me the month of February 2016 is fast becoming a month to remember. Let me explain.

I’m back from my two days without blogging and if I remember correctly it’s the first time I’ve missed posting from my every-other-day schedule. I look forward to blogging each and every time and get more than a little miffed when life starts messing with me.  Healthcare issues are currently harshing my buzz.

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For instance, my two day journey this week was totally consumed by things I absolutely hate . . . doctors, hospitals, examinations, Obamacare, and those always sucky insurance companies. Believe me when I say I hate them all equally.  Someday most of you will be where I am now. Retired from decades of working your ass off and wanting to spend your remaining years enjoying life.  I think I’ll  be the bucket of ice water dumped on your head to wake you up.  Good luck with trying to enjoy yourself.

Over the last few years since my private healthcare plan was scrapped and I was forced onto Medicare the government keeps trying to intrude on my calm.  As we all know once the government gets involved in anything it’s a freaking nightmare.  Getting older is tough enough on the good days but having a bunch of bureaucrats and politicians intruding into your life on a regular basis is madness. The real truth is that the older you get the worse it becomes so start getting your mind right now for what’s to come.

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Look forward to a continuous stream of emails from damn near every government agency you can think of and endless changes made to every part of the Obamacare program and it’s requirements. You’re also required to have expensive tests and scanning’s done even when they aren’t necessary. My doctor told me this week I looked perfectly fine, my BP was good, my cholesterol was perfect, and that I was in excellent physical condition for my age. Hooray for me, right?  No way. The next thing he did was schedule me for sonogram of my torso. Guess who will be footing the bill for that I wonder.  The taxpayers I’ll bet.  This test is mandatory for me to meet the Medicare requirements of my Wellness visit.  What a large crock of crap. How many thousands of other Seniors are also being forced into these tests at what I’m sure is hundreds of dollars per test.

Lets review my last six months of health related activities. My doctor of 14 years sold his practice and moved back to Pakistan because of Obamacare. My hospital was sold to a large healthcare corporation and I’ve had three difference doctors assigned to me since that occurred.  Blood tests, scans of body parts I could care less about, and surveys required by the government to get my opinion of the job they’re doing. It’s nice of them to also keep me aware of just how old I’m getting and all of the healthcare tragedies that might eventually kill me.  Like I don’t know what they are already.

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Today I spent and hour and a half trying to straighten out my prescriptions that I’ve been receiving by mail for eleven years.  I attempted to login to the insurance companies website to confirm my next three months of pills which just happen to be keeping me alive.  I couldn’t log on because all of a sudden they didn’t recognize my name, my email address, or my password.  I was officially a non-person. I then called them for help and became lost in the maze of their computerized menu system that totally befuddled me which I assume is done purposely.  After talking with a young lady from El Paso, Texas for far too long I finally confirmed my prescriptions as required to keep the Medicare idiots happy.  Life was finally good, right? No effing way!

My IPad began screaming that new charges had just hit my credit card from the insurance company and guess what . . . they double billed me. It would have been so much easier for me and the government if I would’ve just died when I turned 65.

Let me look into my crystal ball and try to see what’s coming in all of your futures. Maybe free euthanasia clinics? Possibly cut-backs of critical treatments to save money? We can always rely on the politicians to find the “final solution” to the Obamacare, Medicare, and Social Security cost increases. Thinning the herd may be just the answer they finally come up with.

Hopefully I’ll be long gone before those things become your topics of conversation. 

GOOD LUCK, YOU’LL NEED IT!!

10-19-2015 Journal – Flu Shots, Y or N!   Leave a comment

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Have you gotten your flu shot yet?  For the last month I’ve been receiving emails from damn near everyone reminding me to do so.  OMFG . . . every year it’s the same damn thing. It seems everyone on this planet knows how to keep me healthy better than I do. Up until three years ago I’d never had a flu shot but finally gave into all of the pressure from friends, family, insurance companies, and doctors.

Four years ago I came down with a wicked case of the flu that actually was so bad  I thought I was going to die. Since fear is the ultimate motivator for us poor humans I decided to finally give in and get flu shots on a regular basis.

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I understand how the shots are supposed to work but as with all things I’ve become somewhat skeptical.  I have very low expectations of most people because they insist on telling me things that forward their agendas instead of my own. People say I’m too cynical, skeptical, and pragmatic but after years of experience I’ve found myself correct more often than not. 

I made my way to Rite-Aid a few weeks ago with a note from my insurance carrier and a pat on the head from Medicare.  The process was simple, straight forward, and before I knew it I was in, inoculated, and done.  Then I sat down and began to peruse the pile of paperwork they handed me. A rather nice young lady took some of her valuable time to tell me about some of the possible symptoms I could expect.  First, within 48 hours my arm would be a sore and might stiffen up a little.  In a week after that I would likely have issues with headaches and possibly a minor fever.  I thought for a minute that I was flashing back on one of those hundreds of TV drug commercials we’re bombarded with. I sat patiently waiting for her to include anal leakage as one of my symptoms but she never did . . . thank God.   

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It’s now two weeks later and I’m going through my list of symptoms right on schedule. I had the required sore arm for a few days which was annoying but not too terrible. I could still pick my nose but it hurt a little. The arm remained sore for almost a week until the headaches kicked in. The arm still hurt but I was more concerned about the headache that was threatening  to blow the top of my head off. I’ve never been prone to headaches or migraines but this had to be something very similar.  I spent my days popping dozens of Tylenol and was still unable to sit quietly to read a book.  I won’t even get into the side effects from taking all of those damn Tylenol. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have so many smart people convincing me to get that damn flu shot.

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Next  the low grade fever arrived right on schedule.  It’s been sapping my strength for the last week but finally seems to be easing up some.  So for more than three weeks now I’ve had what I’m told is a mild case of the flu. My last serious bout with the flu lasted only a week but so far this alleged mild version has hung in there for three weeks.

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I’m beginning to believe that the cure is actually as bad if not worse than the disease. Thanks to everyone who convinced (conned) me to get that effing shot. All I really want to know now is who do I contact later in the Fall when I actually get the real flu. I have a strong cynical feeling that may occur as well.

It’s funny but I’m also sure if I do  actually get the flu all of those alleged experts who strong-armed me into this flu shot will be missing in action. They’ll return next year in larger numbers to again frighten and strong-arm many of us once again.

LONG LIVE THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM

03-21-2015 Journal–Medi(I Don’t Really)care!   Leave a comment

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Well I guess the world can continue to rotate around the sun and all of you can continue living your exciting lives once again.  I received a clean bill of health from my doctor during my recent checkup so everyone can relax again for another year just knowing I’ll still be around.

Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate doctors and hospitals? I’m positive you have no idea just how much. I spent a lot of my youth visiting uncounted  hospitals throughout the Pittsburgh area while visiting my mother who was afflicted with every disease known to man during her life.  I became almost phobic about it.  I was terrified of entering hospitals and getting stuck with needles. For years every time I needed a blood test or a shot it usually caused me to become violently ill or to pass out completely.  That phobia was finally dealt with when it became time for me to leave the Army.  A blood test was required before I could be released from the service and I certainly wasn’t going to stick around any longer than necessary.  I sat quietly while they took six tubes of blood and suffered no ill effects whatsoever.  It’s amazing what proper motivation can do to help you get through the tough times.

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I have no phobias now but I still hate hospitals and doctors.  I’m good to go until sometime in August when my new doctor will put me through my paces once again.  Blood tests, poking and prodding of body parts best left alone, and more of those miracle vaccines and shots that may or may not even work. Getting old requires more and more maintenance of the body and mind just to maintain the status quo. Regardless we eventually all lose that battle.  More exercise, less alcohol, no smoking, healthy foods, and an endless supply of drugs, drugs, drugs. 

When I turned fifty the medical community found out about me and the process began in earnest. I needed a shingles shot, a pneumonia shot, a tetanus booster which probably cost the insurance carriers at least $500.00. Increased visits, regular colonoscopies, and future eye surgery to fix those pesky cataract problems we all have to deal with at some point. 

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I’m one of millions of Boomers whose current responsibility is to stay alive as long as possible to help keep the health care community in business.  What will happen to the system once we’ve all passed on.  That will be the new healthcare crisis with lots of layoffs, hospital closures, and a serious overpopulation of doctors, nurses, and home care specialists.  I guess we Baby Boomers could be called a massive health care asset until we all finally die.

12-09-2014 Journal – Things I Once Hated IV!   Leave a comment

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I know you’ve all been waiting for my next installment of the “Things I Once Hated”. I’m only going through this endless process because I need to show my better-half just how much I’ve mellowed over the years and that living with her has had a serious calming effect on me (sarcasm off).  Let’s get this going for numbers 41-55.

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#41 Organic Food – This is one of the biggest scams going.  Put organic on the label of anything and you can immediately increase the price by twenty-five percent.  In my opinion anything that is grown is organic.  Wash off any fertilizer and insecticide and you have clean and organic food. I hate  those liars who extort money from all of us under suspicious circumstances or labeling.  No improvement here.

#42 Liars – refer back to #41.  On a daily basis we have dozens of people who lie to us.  I’ve always hated being told things that are less than true and I still do.  No improvement here either.

#43 Ear Hair – I was introduced to this issue when my better-half was caught trying to trim the hair in my ears while I was napping.  It’s one of her pet peeves and she’s gently forced me into adding it to my original list of one hundred.  I’m still being forced to hate it or there’d be hell to pay. No improvement.

#44 Doctors – I’ve had to rethink this item because I finally met a doctor that wasn’t playing God and actually treated me like a thinking human being. I’ll concede to a 50% improvement.

#45 Large Aureoles – As I’ve stated many times before I love boobs.  But large aureoles bother me for some unknown reason.  I’m forced into not hating them because they’re normally attached to things I love. It’s a conundrum I tell you. No more hate for them results in a 100% improvement.

#46 Overweight Babies – Just writing about this problem pisses me off. Overfeeding a toddler or young kid is about the worst start you can give them in life. I hate the thought of it almost as much as the people responsible. No improvement.

#47 Dirty Toilets – I suppose you think I’m only talking about those disgusting restrooms found in stores and gas stations. I am but I’m also including anyone else who refuses to clean their own bathrooms.  I’ve been in a few that still give me nightmares. No improvement.

#48 Stinky Cheese – I just don’t see the point of making or eating some types of stinky cheese.  My grandfather was a big fan of Limburger cheese and I suspect it was only because it kept us kids away from him during  our visits.  No improvement and no thank you.

#49 Opossums – One of the most disgusting animals on the planet.  I understand they’re great to have around to clean up road kill but they’re gross, ugly, and disgusting.  No possible improvement.

#50 Roadside Death Shrines – I’m reconsidering this item out of sympathy to those people who insist on building them.  I think the whole process is a waste of time and effort but I guess if it makes them feel better for all of fifteen minutes. What the hell,  since I’m now a much more loving and tolerant person I can let it go (sarcasm off). 100% improvement.

#51 Extra Toes – Too creepy to even discuss and that goes for webs between the toes as well. Go join a carnival but stay away from me. No improvement.

#52 Nose Hair – Again something being pushed on me by my better-half. She’s obsessed with hating this item therefore so must I.  No improvement.

#53 Jehovah Witnesses – I can’t begin to tell you how much fun I’ve had over the years messing with these people.  I can’t say I actually hate them personally but  I do resent anyone who tries to force their belief system on me. These folks are nothing if not persistent making them a huge target for my sometime sick sense of humor.  100% improvement.

#54 Salesmen – I’ll modify this category somewhat. I hate “high pressure” sales people. So I’ll claim a 50% improvement on this one as long as they don’t get in my face.

#55 Hot Tuna Casserole – I’ve done a total 180 on this one. I finally found someone with a recipe that I actually liked and looked forward to eating.  No more hating of hot tuna dishes. 100% improvement.

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That should do it for today. Fifty-five items now completed with only forty-five more to go.  Just remember all of these items are in no particular order of importance.

08-18-2014 Journal Entry – Doctor’s Suck!   Leave a comment

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I have a few least favorite things but two in particular. First, I hate having my teeth drilled. The sound and smell of teeth drilling makes me cringe because it’s been done all to often over the years. Second, I hate doctors, nurses and hospitals. I do realize they’re  a necessary evil but I hate them none the less. 

My late mother was never a well person. Through all of her illnesses and surgeries there paraded scores of doctors who spent more time spending her money than fixing her problems. Each specialist prescribed different medicines and drugs with little or no thought to the many others doing the same damn thing.  They almost killed her a couple of times with their constant insistence that the next drug was the one that would fix everything.  She trusted them with her life but I will not. 

I’m ranting about doctors because I spent yesterday afternoon being manhandled by the new and improved healthcare system.  Obamacare cost me my doctor of fifteen years when he threw up his hands last year, sold his practice, and left the country. I really wish I could have gone with him.

I arrived yesterday to go through an annoying series of blood tests which are required every time I turn around.  I arrived early being the obedience dumb ass  that I am and then sat for forty minutes while I waited for a computer person to enter my name into a freaking computer. Big surprise, they had no record of my blood test request or my upcoming doctors appointment.  My obedient behavior became a thing of the past as I intimidated everyone involved to pull their heads out of their collective asses and get their act together.  After another half hour I was advised that my doctors appointment I thought was scheduled for next week had been changed. Oops, no one sent me an email or letter telling me that.  After much bitching and complaining on my part they agreed to fast-track my blood work to have it ready for my newly scheduled appointment tomorrow at 10am.

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I had a surly and annoying young lady stick me and remove a number of tubes of my beautiful red blood.  She was in quite the mood about something but decided to be an asshole toward me.  Little did she know that I was once married for a very long time and that my-ex wife made her look like an freaking amateur when it came to pissing me off.

It’s now tomorrow and I’ve just returned from my annual doctors appointment  All my numbers were perfect but he insisted on giving me the old one fingered prostate exam while a female assistant looked on. She was hot enough to be one of my hundreds of sexual fantasies but not after today. That ship has sailed.  He then announced that he had an early Christmas gift for me this year. He’ll be scheduling me for my fifth colonoscopy in the last 9 years. My ass seemed to be very popular today for some reason.

Just to reiterate, I hate effing doctors, Medicare, Obamacare and Obama as well.

11-22-2013 Journal Entry   2 comments

I found out the hard way that having a broken leg as we come into the holiday season is a mixed blessing.  I’m three and a half weeks into this injury with at least three more weeks before I can start walking on it again on a limited basis. I’m quickly finding out that the boredom and being housebound is worse than the actual injury itself.

I found myself becoming a little hard to live with since I’ve apparently developed a rather bad temper.  I just can’t seem to adjust to this slower lifestyle and my better-half is paying the price for it.  With lots of Christmas season activities on the horizon she’ll be overloaded with decorating, baking, and house cleaning.  I plan on helping where I can but truthfully I won’t be much help.

I put myself on her sh** list a few days ago.  She knew how much I was itching to get out of the house so she took my car keys to work with her to keep me from doing something crazy.  Being the persistent pain-in-the-ass that I am I found my extra set of keys hidden in a secret location.  I hobbled to the garage, jumped in the car and drove a few miles to get a fresh cup of coffee and a sandwich.  It wasn’t easy fitting my big ass, crutches, and the huge air cast into the front seat but I did it anyway.  I made the trip without incident and returned home feeling pretty proud of myself.  That lasted until my better-half got home from work then the you-know-what hit the fan.  I’m now officially grounded.  That hasn’t happened to me for a very long time and I don’t like it any better now than I did then.  I pushed my luck with my little trip but now I’m paying the price for my stupidity.

I returned to the orthopedist for my three week exam and received nothing but good news.  The bone is knitting itself nicely and no surgery will be required.  I’m now permitted to slowly increase the amount of weight on it over the next three weeks.  At that point I’ll be scheduled for some limited physical therapy and hopefully I’ll be back on my feet and ready to party by New Years.

I wouldn’t wish this kind of injury on my worst enemy.  It’s frustrating and humbling to find yourself helpless.  Last night as I was watching TV I heard my better-half upstairs doing something.  A few minutes later she started down the steps when I heard a loud crash.  She screamed my name and I hopped my way over to the stairs.  She had fallen much like I had and fortunately only bruised her thigh, leg, and hand.  She broke no bones but she’ll be sore as hell for a few days.  We should be made the official poster children for CLUMSY.  I may be forced to install a damn elevator so the two of us don’t cripple ourselves permanently.

Happy Effing Holidays!  2013, a year to remember and then immediately forget.

11-06-2013 Journal Entry   Leave a comment

Today is my ninth day living in this one-legged hell my life has become. I’ve learned a few valuable things in these nine days and I thought I’d share them with you.

  • First, don’t break your damn leg. I know it’s a bit simplistic but sometimes you just need to be told the obvious.
  • Second, hope and pray your relationship is solid because it will be tested. I’ve become somewhat irritable and difficult or at least that’s what my better-half has been screaming at me.
  • Third, prepare yourself for the realization that all it takes is a small bone in your leg to break to turn you into a giant dependent ball of human flesh.

I was raised to be as independent as possible and have spent my entire life just that way.  I hate relying on anyone for anything.  I’ve had a few times in my life where I was laid up for a day or two but nothing like this. Six to eight weeks of sitting on my ass and stumbling around the house being unable to do a damn thing. It’s incredibly frustrating to say the least. My better-half remains supportive but realizes I’m quickly going out of my mind with cabin fever. 

I’ve improved my walking abilities with these crutches but it’ll never be enough to make this situation bearable. Since I’m unable to carry coffee and walk on crutches at the same time it took a day or two for me to solve that problem.  A sealable carry-mug that fits nicely into my pocket was the solution. I can now walk/hop/drag a leg to the kitchen, retrieve some coffee, and return to my chair.  It sounds stupid I know but it’s a major accomplishment for me.

Thank God for my X-Box and IPad.  Those two devices are the only things keeping me from going bat-shit crazy.  I’ve always spent a lot of time on the X-Box but now it’s totally out of control.  I’m afraid I may be developing a serious case of X-Box thumbs. The IPad has allowed me to connect with hundreds of other addicted Scrabble fanatics to play Word HD with Friends.  A great little App that allows me to continuously play multiple games with people from around the country.  The time really flies by very quickly when I’m focused in those games.

I received some good news on my follow-up visit to the orthopedist today. The leg is healing properly and no surgery will be required.  I’m to spend the next two weeks doing things much the same as I’ve been doing. That news raised my morale a bit and hopefully in two more weeks I’ll be permitted to put some weight on the leg which will really jump start this recovery.

One other quick note.  My better-half suggested a trip to Walmart today to pickup a few items and somehow strong-armed me into riding on one of their infamous electric carts.  I put up a good fight but there was no talking to her.  For years I’ve bitched and complained about certain people on those carts blocking aisles and being a general nuisance to other shoppers.  Well, today I joined the elite ranks of the Walmart Disabled Shoppers Group.  I was hoping for a Walmart hat or T-shirt but sadly I was out of luck.  They wanted to give me a pair of pink sweat pants that had “JUICY” on the ass but I declined.  Pink just isn’t my color.  It clashes way too much with my purple sweatshirt and my orange Budweiser baseball cap.  That’s my official Walmart shopping outfit.

We’re headed back home now where I’ll enjoy another afternoon of Scrabble, Tiger Woods 2011, and really bad TV.  I must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve this karmic ass-kicking.

10-30-2013 Journal – Accident Follow-up   6 comments

I thought an update might be warranted since I left in such a hurry yesterday.   I’ll make it short and sweet.  My leg was broken and the knee was badly bruised but oddly enough I had very little pain with either injury.  My better-half arrived in short order and whisked me away to the local Emergency Room.

I was then lucky enough to spend a great part of my day sitting on my ass in the Emergency Room.  First I got to chat with a fortyish women at the main desk who must have had her personality removed surgically.  It was like trying to talk to my computer.  When she was finished annoying me I was wheeled down the hall about ten feet to a waiting room where I sat for twenty minutes. A rather large but friendly woman whose job it was to obtain all of my personal information then took twenty minutes doing it.  That’s just the hospital’s routine of getting all of my insurance information and anything else that may help them avoid a lawsuit down the road.  With my leg still sticking up in the air I was jockeyed around the corner, thirty feet away, for another fifteen minutes where I was soon discovered by their computer geek who entered all of my data into their computer system and then filled my pockets with a huge pile of  forms that further explained the hospitals privacy laws to me.  Ho Effing Hum!

An hour and a half has now passed and I have yet to see or smell a doctor.  I’m taken to an freezing cold examination room where I sat for another half hour and still no doctor.  A young lady who looked twenty but sounded thirteen pushed me and my new best friend, the wheelchair, down the hall to x-ray.  I was back in twenty minutes and told to wait for the doctor to arrive to explain things to me.

I become bored at that point and started nosing around their little room.  As a payback for their insensitivity in leaving me sitting forever I managed to stand long enough to steal a dozen sets of really nice latex gloves from a dispenser on the wall.  The next time I’m slicing and dicing hot peppers I can use those gloves and just grin a little.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor walks into the room, introduces himself, and states emphatically “it’s broken”.  He drops another handful of forms on the table explaining how to use my new crutches.  A nurse shows up and slaps on three ace bandages, a temporary splint, gives me a set of  crutches, and the name and telephone number of an  orthopedic doctor I need to call for an appointment.  She advised that if I called as soon as possible I might get lucky and get in to see the doctor within a day or so.  I was wheeled to my car, patted on the head, and sent on my way.

That was three hours of my life I’ll  never get back.  All I really received was a grand tour of their facility, free use of a wheelchair for three hours, three ace bandages, a fiberglass splint, and a really lovely pair of crutches.  Fortunately I called the orthopedist from my car and was able to get an appointment for tomorrow.  It would have been easier and cheaper just to cut the damn leg off and call it a day.

Trust me, I’ll keep you updated.

08-23-2013   Leave a comment

This has been one helluva week.  One more fact that will help you understand what I mean by that statement is I hate doctors, hospitals, blood tests, and personal examinations.  I can put up with a nurse every once in while but only as potential dating material. If past history tells me anything it’s stay away from nurses. The last nurse I dated (SLEPT WITH) had a tank of nitrous oxide next to her bed and spent every other stroke huffing on it with a face mask.

This week began with my blood tests.  Normally it’s just one tube of blood used to check whatever.  Because of Obamacare my doctor of ten years has given up his practice and now I’m once again "fresh meat" for the "new guy".  He needs four tubes of blood so he knows where I’m coming from.  That’s his statement not mine.  My previous doctor had a lab as part of his practice where I could easily get blood drawn but not this "new guy".  I was forced to get out of bed much earlier than I like, drive forty minutes to the hospital, to stand in line behind thirty other idiots. I felt like a freaking day laborer. A young lady called me into her room, sat me down, stuck me in the arm, sucked out the blood, and walked away shouting "Next!" at the top her lungs.  Nothing like personal service.

Four days later I returned to the doctors office for my annual physical.  The "new guy" arrived forty minutes late as I sat in this telephone booth sized room in my hospital gown freezing my nuts off.  He looks about twenty-five years old and he’s from Peru.  His accent was minimal, thank God, and I could understand almost everything he had to say.  One handshake and he opens his laptop and begins to take notes.  My computer file covers more than twelve years, two surgeries, and four colonoscopies but he has additional questions.  I felt like I was on Jeopardy and I’m sure Alex Trebek would have been more fun.

He first tells me that prostate exams are for the most part unnecessary and then bends me over the table and shoves his ever so long latex covered finger right up my ass.  No dinner, no chit chat, no wine, just "wham bang, thank you man".  For such a little guy he has quite the large digits.

An hour later and we’re still doing paperwork so I can have another colonoscopy in December (MY FIRST XMAS GIFT) and an introduction to my new mandatory diet.  I found out in short order that going forward I’m only permitted to eat rabbit food and drink black coffee.  Read the labels he tells me, no fat, no calories, no dairy, no candy, no sugar, no soda, no flavored water, and no smoothies.  The translation to that line of BS is I will never be permitted to eat anything that tastes good or even has flavor of any kind ever again.

A pat on the head, a "nice to meet ya"’ and he scampers away.  A nurse hands me the date for my next appointment and I’m out the door and back on the street.  That hour and a half probably will cost me upwards of $500.00 including the blood work up and a hundred of that will be out of pocket.  Isn’t life just freaking wonderful?

Now I get to wait six more months for another hour of quality time with the "new guy" which will probably consist of stepping onto a scale to measure my weight loss.  Really, can’t I just call it in? That would then only cost $495.00.

Shoot me now!