Archive for the ‘stupid people’ Tag
I’ve always been a people watcher and loved nothing more than to talk to someone I’ve never met before. People interest me primarily because I made my living talking to them. I was at times surprised and shocked by some of their attempts to communicate with me, either on the phone, in person, or in their writings. I was cleaning out some old files recently and came upon a handwritten resume I received for a job I’d posted for a multi-state investigator position (many years ago). The job had quite a bit of responsibility for multiple locations in a number of surrounding states. Needless to say, I needed someone absolutely trustworthy. I’ll type the body of this resume I received because the handwriting was god-awful. My question to you is: Would you have hired this person to secure your business, home, family or belongings?
Here are excerpts from one of the strangest resumes I’ve ever received. I’ve tried to correct some of the many spelling and grammar errors, or you wouldn’t be able to understand much of this at all. Read on.
***
As I answer your advertisement in the newspaper, I would like to tell you something about myself. And of my background. I am not Hispanic! I was married and divorced from a Spaniard and never remarried. I have military and police corrections background. I also have approximately 23 years of retail sales experience, having worked for a number of the larger well-known department stores.
I have traveled extensively over the U.S.A. I grew up in a white ghetto, married a newsman, work in a hospital as a CSR tech. I study law as a hobby but not in the classroom, although I do have two years of college.
I know street language, jail jargon, drug language, petty theft, organized crime and white-collar crime. I do not know much about ballistics.
Because of my background, my Social Security number is being used by four or five people for fraud. That makes it difficult for me to find work. I have never been arrested, charged, or anything similar to it. But the ones using my Social Security numbers have various backgrounds.
I qualify for the for the newly emerging veterans training program, on-the-job training. My salary would be open to negotiations. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you,
Sincerely and as always, I’m just a gal named Gus
(I can and will relocate or travel)
***
After attempting to read and understand the resume, I contacted the local authorities and much to my surprise she was well known in the area as a questionable individual (and not in a good way). I actually responded to her letter to let her know I was running a background check with local police. It came as no surprise to me that she never responded. The refusal letter came back unclaimed.
BE CAREFUL, THEY’RE OUT THERE
Four years ago in a galaxy far far away on my first blog I posted a list of 100 Things I Hate. At the time I challenged myself to compile that list in under ten minutes to make it as spontaneous as possible. I completed it easily and was really proud of my accomplishment. It was a fun exercise that I found interesting and one I want to revisit today.
I’ll be addressing the first ten items from that list and fully intend to cover the remaining ninety over the next month. "An unexamined life is not worth living." or so I’ve been told over and over again. That being said there are certain inevitabilities in life such as the much overused "death and taxes" but there are many others that are just as important. "Change" effects us all in a myriad of ways and many times we aren’t even aware that it’s happening. I hope this silly little exercise will give me a better understanding of the many changes that are taking place within me and the effect it has on my endless supply of opinions on just about everything. Here we go.
#1 STUPID PEOPLE – Unfortunately this one hasn’t changed much at all. Although now I recognize and admit that a large percentage of these people are harmless-stupid which makes them more annoying than anything else. The remainder are bad-stupid and remain on my hate list. It appears I’m not hating on this as much as I once did and I see a 50% Improvement.
#2 ROSIE O’DONNELL – No change here. No improvement whatsoever. She sucks.
#3 UNIBROW WOMEN – I’ve always had the ability to identify one or two things about any woman I’ve become involved with or thought about getting involved with. I consider them all lovely and fun to be with in their own right. I’m again forced to reconsider this item because I’m sure there are some women out there with unibrows that I’d like to spend a little time with. 50% Improvement.
#4 BUMS – This term along with the term hobo is no longer politically correct and I promise to slap myself on the wrist really hard each and every time I use them. Again I find myself hating those aggressive and arrogant homeless people who insist on getting in my face and wanting my money. Some of these others who are mentally challenged are just pitiful but because of all the politically-correct thinking in this country they’ve been dumped onto the streets. 50% Improvement.
#5 DIRTY FINGERNAILS – No change here and no improvement.
#6 CRIMINALS – No change here either. No improvement.
#7 CANADIANS – I’ve moved this item into the annoyance category. Canadians are are just a mild form of a parasite that continually criticizes it’s host but continues to enjoy the benefits it provides. 100% Improvement.
#8 ROCK STACKERS – Once again, more an annoyance than anything else. It’s something I see no useful purpose in doing but if you feel compelled to do it then just do it. I can feel myself changing already and I’m getting all tingly with my 100% Improvement.
#9 FUNERALS – I hate them. I would like to spend the remainder of my life never attending another regardless of who it is. They freak me out and hopefully the only other one I ever attend will be my own. No improvement here.
#10 BACKWARD BASEBALL CAPS - This is something I’ve hated since it all started. Grown men and women teaching their children to look as stupid and ridiculous as they do. This goes hand in hand with saggy pants with underwear sticking out. I’d like to find the person who started these ridiculous trends and just kick their ass. No improvement.
By my calculations on these ten items I’m showing a 35% improvement overall. I find that amazing, disturbing, and annoying, all at the same time. I wish I could get that kind of improvement for my 2014 New Years resolutions but they’ll be reviewed and discussed at a later date.
everyuselessthing.com 