07-01-2013   2 comments

I find women interesting and the older I get the more interesting they become.  Highly emotional with all of the accompanying maternal instincts that pretty much control their lives.  The consequences of being the child bearing gender are many but in small doses they aren’t too bad.  As with everything else, too much of a good thing can end up being a real problem.

It’s been my observation that certain women have children, love them, raise them, and send them on their way.  You’d think they’d be happy to have accomplished such a difficult task as having and then raising a child or two or three or even four.  I guess it all depends on the individual woman.

Normally what occurs after the nest has been emptied is their subtle and sometimes subconscious need to try and refill it.  Who’s the only logical candidate to help them accomplish that? The poor spouse or partner. He becomes the target of all those wonderful traits that attracted him to her in the first place. It’s a totally different situation when she begins treating her spouse or partner like he’s a prepubescent child.  The hovering and constant nit-picking can drive a person over the edge.

How can a man deal with these problems without getting angry and hurting her feelings?  Not an easy proposition but unless you find a solution there could be big trouble in River City.

Fortunately if the woman is reasonably aware of what she’s doing and after a period of time (hopefully short) and with the man’s help this phase will pass and life can return to normal (whatever that is).  As a man your lucky if this Empty-Nest Syndrome passes quickly and the one thing that can make that happen is the arrival of that first grandchild.  All of those pent up motherly feelings can now be targeted to the new baby which in turn makes the man’s life a little easier (but not for long).

Just when you think your life will finally calm down without any more unneeded drama the scariest thing you could ever imagine arrives, “THE CHANGE”.  Night sweats, hot flashes, temper tantrums, and a really unfriendly alter-ego that turns your soulmate and life partner into Mrs. Hyde.  It could take years for this to come and go and it is one helluva a rough ride for all involved.

I found out the hard way just how bad it can be but after much experimentation I discovered a simple way to short circuit the Change a little.  You can’t cure the physical side effects of the Change but you can lessen the impact of the other symptoms with a healthy dose of humor.  It’s almost impossible for her to be totally crazy if you can keep her laughing.  Mix in healthy doses of hugging, touching, and other dangerous activities and you may just survive to reach the promised land.  The promised land is that wonderful place where you can have all the sex you want without fear of pregnancy.  It’s weird that Mother Nature makes you wait until old age for this to occur.  It would have been nicer to have that luxury back in my thirties.

There you have it.  You’re now in your sixties, retired, and have all the time in the world for all that sex you’ve always complained you never had time for.  Unfortunately you also no longer have the kind of stamina that’s necessary to fulfill all of your insane sex fantasies.  On top of that you have aches and pains in odd places making things even more interesting and difficult.

Mother Nature is one ironic and totally unfunny woman.

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2 responses to “07-01-2013

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  1. Well I guess you get the luxury of saying I MADE IT! Maybe just a little something to gloat about to your younger peers:)

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