Archive for the ‘mother nature’ Tag
Living in northern New England requires a certain amount of love for snow. Skiers, skaters, snow boarders, and sledders love it here. Unfortunately, I’m none of those. I’m too clumsy for any winter sports. My favorite winter sport consists of a comfortable stool in a comfortable bar with a huge picture window looking out at the bottom of the ski run. The only way I could be injured under those circumstances is if some amateur skier loses control, crashes through the window, and knocks me off my stool. I can’t be too careful around here with all these snow bunnies and snow freaks running loose among us. I was up this morning a 4:30 am snow blowing my driveway. I just came in from the second trip because this damn snow just keeps falling. I thought I’d pass along some weather-related trivia to save me from losing my mind.
- New Hampshire’s Mount Washington, located just a stone’s throw from this house is only 6288 feet in altitude, is often considered to have the worst weather in the world. The highest wind velocity ever recorded on Earth, 231 mi./h, swept across the summit of Mount Washington in April of 1934. More than 30 people have died there as a result of sudden changes in the weather.
- Continental snow cover would advance to the equator, and the oceans would eventually freeze, if there were a permanent drop of just 1.6% to 2% in energy reaching the earth.
- Because air is denser in cold weather, a wind of the same speed exerts 25% more force during the winter than it does during the summer.
- Gigantic snowfalls may be crippling to big cities, but at least in New York City they have a tendency to fall mainly on the day’s most convenient for the urban population. A study of the biggest snows in the last 68 years shows that 54% of them fall on a Friday or Sunday when the cleanup can be accomplished with minimal inconvenience to those millions who must go to work and school.
- In 1816, there was no summer in many areas of the world. In parts of New England, snow stayed on the ground all year. Crops there and in Europe were ruined. Volcanic dust from the eruption of Tomboro in Indonesia blocked the rays of the sun and was blamed for the unusual weather as well as for the red and brown snow that fell in the United States, Hungary, and Italy.
I’d love to chat A little more, but Mother Nature insists on filling my driveway with more snow. I’ll be snow blowing a few more times before this day is over.
MOTHER NATURE SUCKS!
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It’s the dream of every American to own their own home. Owning a home has always been an important symbol of a person’s independence and financial stability. In these somewhat precarious times home ownership has become something much different. It’s a new pandemic economy.
That being said it’s still better to own a home than to rent. I’ve owned a number of homes over the years and not only were they a financial plus, I just really enjoyed maintaining them and improving them. I’ve always taken a lot of pride in any home that I’ve owned and that’s why I’m so particular about what I allow on my property.
I’ve had good neighbors, bad neighbors, and neighbors who I’ve desperately tried to forget. My father always told me that “good fences make for good neighbors”, and it’s still true to this day. I’m a firm believer in maintaining minimal contact with neighbors except in cases of emergency where they may need help or assistance. I’m a big proponent of the Neighborhood Watch concept which accomplishes important tasks for the protection of the neighborhood and its children. It’s only when you begin to socialize with your neighbors that trouble is sure to begin. Being my neighbor doesn’t make you my best friend, only an accidental acquaintance brought about by my purchase of my home.
So with some humor and a little seriousness here’s my list of ten things I never want to find in my yard. This list has been compiled over the years and includes information about past and present neighbors.
- Phony and disturbing faux-sculptures made by neighbors from a collection of junk.
There’s nothing like waking up every morning to a large pile of lamely connected garbage which has been anointed as “fine art” by my neighbor. Where’s that stick of dynamite when you need it?
- Dogs and their ever-present droppings.
What’s better than taking a walk around your yard after a summer rain and stepping into a pile deposited by the neighbors dog. Don’t you just love the smell of “dog shit” in the morning.
Finding these early on Sunday mornings mean empty beer cans somewhere nearby.
- Salesman and their line of BS.
Invest in a mean and nasty dog or a really fine looking “NO SOLICITING SIGN“.
- Jehovah’s Witnesses, your attitude and literature.
This is a particular favorite of mine. I love inviting them in for some bad language and inappropriate stories.
- Mother Nature’s Little Friends.
Feeding birds and squirrels are one thing but all of the deer, skunks, and other garden eating critters place their lives at risk by entering my garden.
- Nosey neighbors and their endless curiosity.
This is when a fence would come in handy.
- Mailbox crushing snow plows.
This has cost me four mailboxes in six years and the town takes no responsibility. This is called “Government doing it to the people”.
- In-laws and other unfriendly family members.
Keep the bed hard, the food bad, and always be short of beer and liquor.
- Outlaws and other criminal types.
Buy a gun or two and lots of ammo. Once you enter my home uninvited it becomes what us former military men call “a free fire zone”. Don’t even think about it.
* * *
I’ve had a menagerie of neighbors over the years and could tell you stories you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had some I’ve liked, some I have loved (literally and figuratively), some that I’ve hated, and many others I’ve never gotten to know at all. Overall I was always considered by most of them to be a better-than-average neighbor.
JUST FOLLOW THE RULES
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I’ve always been a lover of Nature and almost anything related to it. As a photographer I spend as much time as I can out-and-about communing with Mother Nature. I come by it honestly because as a kid growing up I spent more than half of my time in the woods with my friends. We lived on the edge of huge state park directly adjacent to the Allegheny River and knew every inch of the place. My father, a hunter, spent a lot of time explaining about local wildlife and how they lived and traveled in the wild. It was just a very cool place to grow up.
So I thought I’d share a few interesting factoids about Nature with you. Here they are.
- Every year the world’s deserts produce 1.7 billion tons of dust.
- Nature reserves and national park cover 3% of the worlds surface.
- Over 99.9% of the land on earth is not occupied by a person at a given time.
- A tenth of the world’s population relies on the Ganges for water.
- It takes one hundred years for the deep-sea clam to grow to the length of a third of an inch.
- Nearly half of the carbon dioxide emitted by humans since the beginning of the nineteenth century has been absorbed by the oceans.
- An estimated 30% of Earth’s ice-free land is directly or indirectly involved in livestock production.
- Since the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago, the sun has become 25-30% hotter.
- More than 90% of the world’s rubies come from Burma (or whatever they’re calling it these days).
- Lake Baikal in Russia contains about 20% of the world’s fresh water.
That’s it for today. It’s time to turn off this computer and get to work in the yard. Winter’s coming and the garden has to be deconstructed.
ENJOY YOUR DAY OF REST
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Mother Nature is normally not my friend.
We celebrated yesterday because it finally rained. Not like the dozen or so sprinkles we’ve received in recent weeks but an honest-to-god rain shower. The rain cooled things off overnight but ten minutes after the sun came out this morning the temperature zoomed back to 90 degrees.
I should be happy . . right? Not very. We need a good five or six days of rain just to get the water levels back where they belong. Early this morning at 5am both my better-half and I were awaken by the sounds of tree branches cracking. Just outside our bedroom window a rather large tree branch snapped and barely missing the house. This portion of the tree was obviously dead and we knew it was only a matter of time before it fell. I once attempted to climb the tree with a chain saw to cut it down but it was just too dangerous.
The house is just a few feet to the right of the photograph.
How it missed the house is a mystery but thank god it did. That’s the second time in the last year a tree has fallen close to the house and missed it completely. We must have a guardian angel keeping an eye on things.
Mother Nature isn’t usually this kind. I remember a time in Massachusetts that we had a storm that dropped a 100 foot tall oak tree onto our backyard and took the corner of my house with it. At the same time a giant pine tree fell on my car in the driveway and crushed it completely. I count my blessings any time she chooses to leave me alone. Today was one of those days.
MOTHER NATURE IS NOT NICE
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As you all know I love gardening. That doesn’t change the fact that at times it’s as frustrating as hell. Last year my garden problems concerned a number of God’s annoying little critters that insisted on attacking my garden. Since I’m a problem solver I installed a fence around certain portions of the garden that they like to eat. Problem solved, right? No way. The following photos were some of the items harvested so far this year in spite of the critters.
The culprit from last years fiasco has since disappeared and we haven’t had one of his nightly visits this year. Unfortunately he has friends that were apparently given detailed directions to find us. This year for the first time in eight years we were visited by a big fat groundhog. He was sitting right in the middle of the yard watching the house when I spotted him the first time. He ran into a culvert to hide and I immediately dropped a couple of fire crackers in after him. If it didn’t scare him, it certainly deafened him. Problem solved, right! Not hardly.
A week later he was back sitting in the same spot and it appeared he may have been taunting me a little. I couldn’t see all that clearly but I think he might have been giving me the finger as well. It was time for the big guns. With my handy pistol in hand I gave chase and took a shot at him. He was one helluva lot faster than he looked and escaped with his life. Problem solved, Right! No effing way.
A few day later I discovered that someone had been eating my kale plants that were of course, not inside the damn fence. It’s man against the critters once again. I’ve never won any battles against them before but maybe this time I’ll have more luck.
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I HATE MOTHER NATURE
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Spring Fever has slowly crept up on me and I seem to be firmly held in it’s grasp. Garden fever has also arrived along with Lowe’s receiving their first Spring shipments of plants and seeds. It’s taking all of my willpower not to immediately run there and start buying stuff. I’m trying to keep things under control for a while but it’s not easy.
And here’s a picture to prove to some of you that I actually did celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. It looks almost as good as it tasted:
‘Green Chardonnay on Ice.’
With green wine in mind I thought I might start the Spring and Summer seasons properly by making my first batch of wine for 2016. In my continuing effort to stay "outside the box" and do new things I decided to make some Sake. It’s been a very long time since I’ve made any so I figured why not. I did a quick inventory of my winemaking supplies and placed an online order for a few essentials. They arrived within 48 hours which was perfect. I then searched up a vendor to buy a case of 375 ml bottles and they’ll be here within a week.
Off to the food store to pickup eight pounds of raw rice, three pounds of white raisins, and a ten pound bag of sugar. My recipe calls for a sherry yeast but I purchased a new product which is yeast specifically created for making Sake. This yeast will tolerate alcohol up to 16% or 32 proof for you amateurs out there. It was a bit pricey but if I’m going to do this I should do it properly.
Yesterday I began the process of crushing the rice and chopping the raisins. Along with a number of other ingredients my primary fermenter will hold what should eventually give me three gallons of excellent Sake. Here are a few photo’s of the prep. The fermenter will sit for 48 hours after hot water is added and then the yeast will take over. Then I can kick back and wait while Mother Nature does her thing.
‘Empty Fermenter’
‘Bags of Chopped Raisins & Crushed Rice’
‘This + Patience = 3 1/2 Gallons of Sake’
I can’t think of a better way to start my Spring season unless it’s a couple of thick and tasty T-Bone steaks on the grill. I’ll be setting our grill up on the deck this week and the steaks will be cooked as soon as possible after that.
GOODBYE WINTER, HELLO SPRING
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“It’s Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature’
Have you ever had something good you were trying to do for someone come back and bite you in the ass? If you haven’t, you don’t know what your missing. I’ve never been known as a “relationship guy”and I’ve failed in so many I should be somewhere in the Guinness Book of Records. As I’ve gotten older I really and truly tried to change my ways with only moderate success.
I was always a good listener but the other skills necessary for maintaining a long term relationship were severely lacking. After trying and failing and then trying again I began to make some progress and was really proud of myself. My better-half constantly assures me that I’m a good partner and we have a healthy and happy relationship. Little did I know that she was lulling me into a false sense of security and it all came to a head yesterday.
It all started with a casual conversation about how stressed she was with Christmas approaching. She was stressing about buying gifts, what gifts to buy, where to buy them, and on and on and on. I fell for it completely and was actually starting to feel sorry for her. After being told what a great relationship we had I felt the need to step up and help her out as much as I could. I casually mentioned that I might consider spending some time with her and using my superior shopping skills to help get her back on track. It might have been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever suggested.
It wasn’t much later when she arrived with a handful of coupons from a bunch of retailers, laid them on the table, and then gave me our tentative travel plans for our full day of shopping. I’m not saying she set the whole thing up but I’m highly suspicious of how quickly those plans came together.
Yesterday was “THE” day. I was rousted out of my warm bed, given some coffee, and a “hurry up, we’re burning daylight” comment. Eight hours, seven stores, two snacks, and three coffees later my ass was dragging. Thank God for Mother Nature. It began raining soon after we left the house and the more it rained the more her shopping enthusiasm waned. As we were leaving the over crowded mall in the late afternoon we made a mad dash for the car and got a little wet. She decided right then and there we should just call it a day and go home. Halleluiah and thank God . . . .
It’s now the next morning and I slept in until 8:30 am. She came running into the bedroom all pumped up with another handful of coupons, ready for another round of shopping. Get this, she even served me bacon, eggs, toast and coffee in bed. I think she needs a bit more training on how to be subtle. Once again Mother Nature arrived to save the day. As we were looking out the window at the already crappy day it began to lightly snow. The first snow fall this year and I made the most of it. I was moving kind of slow (intentionally) and told her I really wasn’t up to driving and shopping in this weather. All of my Christmas shopping was already done and I really just wanted to stay at home and relax for an hour or so. I laid it on pretty thick and before I knew it she left in a cloud of coupons to go shop, shop, shop.
‘Thank You Once Again Mother Nature’
This experience has shown me who my perfect women really is, it’s Mother Nature. She’s a little older than me but she’s still got it going on. I’m a good listener and I clean up pretty well so we should be able to easily make our relationship work over the long term. I also understand she’s not much of a shopaholic which is just another plus. My better-half had better slide a little further over in the bed to make room for our new friend.
52 SHOPPING DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
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It’s been another interesting few days. My favorite schizophrenic bitch, Mother Nature, has returned with a vengeance once again. Maine is already well known as being a weather nightmare with constantly changing conditions but it seems to have gotten a bit worse in recent months. Let me explain just a bit.
Four days ago we were in the midst of a blizzard and over the course of a week we received approximately 3- 4 feet of snow. The snow was bad enough but then the temperatures dipped to a really tropical -25° and it wasn’t pretty. I’m not even taking into consideration the wind-chill factor at the time which took the “feel like” temps even lower.
I’ve said on many occasions that I love winter and I love snow but OMG this has been ridiculous. Fortunately those of us living in Maine are normally well prepared for cold weather more than many other places in the country. That being said it’s still difficult to function outdoors during subzero weather regardless of how prepared you think you are.
We waited for a few days for the weather to break and for temperatures to rise to a reasonable level but yet again Mother Nature had other plans. The temperature did rise into the mid 30s which was a relief for everyone because the worry of frozen water pipes finally disappeared. I rolled out of bed as I normally do the next morning and thought I was dreaming. It was raining so hard I thought I was imagining things but I wasn’t. As the rain continued for almost a full day it began to melt the snow and the combination of the two water sources brought an immediate rash of flash flood warnings. Just what we needed to keep things interesting.
After all that, last night after the rain stopped, I walked out of my garage and found my driveway to be suitable for a professional hockey game. All that water and slush had frozen solid and was as hard as concrete. It was then I decided to listen to the experts and I returned to the house, closed the door, turned up the heat and turned on the television. Thank God for our electric blanket is all I can say. I found myself over the last few days spending a lot of time in bed watching TV because it’s the only place in the house that was warm and comfortable enough.
The recent forecasts indicate little or no relief in sight which is the last thing any of us wanted to hear. We’re certainly not alone since most of the country is suffering from similar weather conditions or worse. It’s time to dig into the closet and find those ugly old long-johns, wool socks, and knit caps. There’s nothing more attractive and sexy than climbing into bed with your better-half wearing everything including a parka with a big furry hood and insulated gloves. That’s a centerfold picture no one wants to see.
The wind is howling outside the window as I’m writing and we’re all waiting patiently for the next surprise from good old Mother Nature. Maybe locust! Stay safe and stay warm and welcome to the new Ice Age.
P.S. Bye the way, here’s a big one finger salute to all of you “Global Warning” idiots.
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I find women interesting and the older I get the more interesting they become. Highly emotional with all of the accompanying maternal instincts that pretty much control their lives. The consequences of being the child bearing gender are many but in small doses they aren’t too bad. As with everything else, too much of a good thing can end up being a real problem.
It’s been my observation that certain women have children, love them, raise them, and send them on their way. You’d think they’d be happy to have accomplished such a difficult task as having and then raising a child or two or three or even four. I guess it all depends on the individual woman.
Normally what occurs after the nest has been emptied is their subtle and sometimes subconscious need to try and refill it. Who’s the only logical candidate to help them accomplish that? The poor spouse or partner. He becomes the target of all those wonderful traits that attracted him to her in the first place. It’s a totally different situation when she begins treating her spouse or partner like he’s a prepubescent child. The hovering and constant nit-picking can drive a person over the edge.
How can a man deal with these problems without getting angry and hurting her feelings? Not an easy proposition but unless you find a solution there could be big trouble in River City.
Fortunately if the woman is reasonably aware of what she’s doing and after a period of time (hopefully short) and with the man’s help this phase will pass and life can return to normal (whatever that is). As a man your lucky if this Empty-Nest Syndrome passes quickly and the one thing that can make that happen is the arrival of that first grandchild. All of those pent up motherly feelings can now be targeted to the new baby which in turn makes the man’s life a little easier (but not for long).
Just when you think your life will finally calm down without any more unneeded drama the scariest thing you could ever imagine arrives, “THE CHANGE”. Night sweats, hot flashes, temper tantrums, and a really unfriendly alter-ego that turns your soulmate and life partner into Mrs. Hyde. It could take years for this to come and go and it is one helluva a rough ride for all involved.
I found out the hard way just how bad it can be but after much experimentation I discovered a simple way to short circuit the Change a little. You can’t cure the physical side effects of the Change but you can lessen the impact of the other symptoms with a healthy dose of humor. It’s almost impossible for her to be totally crazy if you can keep her laughing. Mix in healthy doses of hugging, touching, and other dangerous activities and you may just survive to reach the promised land. The promised land is that wonderful place where you can have all the sex you want without fear of pregnancy. It’s weird that Mother Nature makes you wait until old age for this to occur. It would have been nicer to have that luxury back in my thirties.
There you have it. You’re now in your sixties, retired, and have all the time in the world for all that sex you’ve always complained you never had time for. Unfortunately you also no longer have the kind of stamina that’s necessary to fulfill all of your insane sex fantasies. On top of that you have aches and pains in odd places making things even more interesting and difficult.
Mother Nature is one ironic and totally unfunny woman.
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Mother Nature just can’t or won’t leave us alone. The early part of today was clear and really cold but livable. I was able to have a few warm hours this morning after the sun came up and rapidly heated the house. I had a quick breakfast of tasty cinnamon buns homemade by my better-half which were excellent. She’s been fine tuning her recipe for a week and has finally found the magic. A good hot cup of coffee with warm buns heated for a few seconds in the microwave, Yum!
She was off to work early as I prepared to do a bit of electrical rewiring in the room I’m remodeling. I removed the existing ceiling insulation, drilled the appropriate holes in the joists, and replaced the box in the center of the ceiling with a reinforced box that will hold the weight of the fan slated to be installed there. This house in just over twenty years old and nothing is easy. As soon as you start any project it immediately turns into what can only be described as a huge pain in the ass. The builders seemed to have cut corners at every turn and now I have to try and fix things as they’re discovered.
The insulation was installed without a vapor barrier which is a no-no and it’s also so old that it’s easily torn. What a freaking nightmare. Before I can do much of anything else I’ll be forced to replace all of the insulation and then install a good vapor barrier which wasn’t included in my original budget for this project. I’ve just had my project extended by a few days and a few hundred dollars which makes me really unhappy but not at all surprised.
I also removed an electrical outlet in the wall near the door that appeared dead. Tracing the wires didn’t help much when after a half hour and fifteen feet later I discovered they weren’t attached to any thing. They’d been rolled up and shoved behind the insulation probably fifteen or twenty years ago. Another little tweak of my nose by this freaking house.
After five hours I called it quits, sat down and enjoyed a good hot cup of coffee. Then Mother Nature reared her ugly head once again and began to pour on the snow. It was a light snow but it lasted for almost six hours.
The better-half made it home safely from work, we had a quiet meal, and kicked back for a while. She’s scheduled early in the morning tomorrow so she headed off to bed early. I donned my winter outfit and headed outside to clear the driveway of snow before retiring. Thank God for that new snow thrower. I cleared the driveway in rather short order just after 8:00 pm so the better-half wouldn’t have issues in the morning.
Now that she’s in bed I have a few minutes to read a couple of chapters. I need to keep up with the adventures of Detective Eve Dallas, a NYC cop in the year 2056.
The construction weather report looks grim for tomorrow. I’m expecting a huge amount of aggravation, followed by a host of nicks and cuts, and the occasional moments of intense profanity and general yelling.
I love my life.
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