07-05-2013   2 comments

On a regular basis I use quotations to help me explain my opinions on things in a way easy to understand and most times humorous.  These quotations can be from famous celebrities, educated teachers, and even the occasional  politician who might have something interesting to say.  The majority of the persons quoted are deceased which must make them much smarter than when alive.  I can’t explain that but it seems to be true.

Comics  like Mae West, George Carlin, and Richard Pryor were funny as hell before they died and for some reason many of their quotes are even funnier now.  Maybe it’s just the person who’s doing the repeating of those quotes. The most under appreciated author of thousands of quotes and humorous thoughts is almost never properly recognized for his/her efforts in keeping us smiling and laughing.  That person goes by two aliases, Unknown and Anonymous.  Most of the truly profound quotes by this person are repeated often by many people in their everyday conversations and have been for years.  Here’s an example of  three:

  • Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  • There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
  • Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.

We’ve heard these quotes for most of out lives although the wording may have changed a little as each decade slides by.  They’re still funny and insightful from that ever present Anonymous philosopher.  Wouldn’t you enjoy sitting with Mr. or Ms. Unknown/Anonymous for a lunch and follow up conversation?  To laugh a lot and appreciate the humor and content of his/her thoughts for just a little while.  Common sense seems to be a rarity these days and a person’s ability to communicate profound ideas and thoughts in a humorous way is the rarest gift of all.  Here are a few more quotes for your enjoyment.

  • 9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
  • Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
  • Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily as lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
  • She’s been up and down more times than a whore’s drawers.
  • A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
  • The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
  • Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
  • Ten percent of something is better than 100% of nothing.
  • Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
  • It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  • Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  • Don’t brake until you see god, then brake like hell.

That list is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  Who this Anonymous or Unknown genius is really isn’t all that important. It’s somehow getting his/her ideas out there for us to read, digest, and pass-on that is the important thing.  I’ve always found myself drawn to the Anonymous quotes first because for me they represent all of us.  The John Doe’s, the Jane Doe’s, and the John Q. Public’s, who seem to have more knowledge than expected and the secret ability to communicate without rudeness or condescension.  It’s a true talent. 

That being said here is maybe my all time favorite Anonymous quotation.  Every time I read it I just smile.  It tickles my funny bone and I’m not sure why. It might tell you a little more about me and my sense of humor and that’s okay too.

  • I’m as pissed off as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

2 responses to “07-05-2013

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  1. I loved them all, then again, I’m a quote fanatic. I especially loved the “Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent” one; it just tickled me.
    One of my all time favourites is “Everyone has to believe in something, I believe I’ll have another beer…” (I have no clue who wrote it)

    • I’m not sure who wrote the one about having a beer either but it sounds a lot like my better-half. Maybe she’s publishing without my knowledge. Thanks for the comment and the follow, it’s appreciated.

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