08-01-2013   Leave a comment

When’s the last time you found it necessary to visit your local ER (Emergency Room)? Due to my law enforcement background I’ve found it  necessary to visit them many times.  On it’s best day it’s a terrible place. The people that work there are amazing but that constant stream of injured and dying humanity weighs heavily on a person.  In my experience hospital workers are much like cops  who develop a bizarre sense of humor necessitated by the constant shadow of death and injuries they must deal with.

What I have for you today is a list of actual quotations received in ER’s across this country.  I’ve tried to collect the humorous or silly but that isn’t really the point of this posting. 

I’ve been bitching and complaining about Obamascare for many months as are many others.  Our own government has done it’s studies and has already determined that healthcare costs will soon be skyrocketing.  Read the following information not as medical humor but the reason for much of that anticipated cost increase.  Our ER’s are overrun with nonsensical requests from a wide variety of people.  We have the homeless, the illegals, and members of many state Medicaid organizations.  You come in with a simple rash on your ass and by the time you leave the ER they’ve run a few thousand dollars worth of unnecessary tests which are then charged back to state or federal government agencies. In my opinion it’s just a simple way for hospitals to attempt to recoup some of their ER expenses.

Think back to the days of old when hospital Emergency Rooms were actually for emergencies. Today’s ER’s more closely resemble  flophouses, child care facilities or places to lounge around. Welcome to our new reality.

  • “I ran out of liquor so I decided to detox.”
  • ”I smoked some bad crack and now I feel dizzy.”
  • ”I stepped on a Nazi landmine and felt all the bones in my legs sucked out.”
  • ”My arm tingles on Wednesdays.”
  • ”I’ve had back pain for seven years.”
  • " My pussy is sad."
  • ”See any bugs in my hair, I asked someone who wasn’t high to look and he saw them too.”
  • ”My dog ate my toe.”
  • ”I have gentile warts.”
  • “I got a Cadillac in my eye.”
  • ”I drank a bunch of yellow Listerine and feel sick. I was careful not to drink the green kind ’cause that can make you toxic.”
  • "My sweat stinks."
  • "My chest hurt the other day so I took some crack to make it feel better. I didn’t think it worked"
  • "My clit is swollen."
  • ”I have friction burns on my penis.”
  • "I have bumps on my butt part and pee hole."
  • "I got a thang on my hang-low"
  • "I have a rash that isn’t here right now, but sometimes it shows up in the evening, I went to the dermatologist but it disappeared again when we got there."
  • ”My left ear tingles on Tuesdays.”
  • "The tip of my tongue has been burning for three years."
  • "I have little bumps on my clit."
  • "I have little bugs in my vagina."
  • "I need a rectal."
  • "One of my labia is bigger than the other"
  • "My kitty got the stank."
  • “My baby done drank a strawberry douche."
  • "I’ve got a pager up my ass."

There’s a quick look at our future.  How this healthcare fiasco was ever passed through Congress is the question we should be asking.  Get out your wallets folks  and prepare to pay through the nose for the rest of your life.

Have a wonderful day.

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