08-17-2013   Leave a comment

EVERY USELESS THING UNIVERSITY

Class is now in session, so please take your seats, pay close attention, and prepare to become a little smarter.  Our lessons for today are as follows:

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Lesson #7 – Why Does Alcohol Cause People to Urinate?

The reason why people urinate so frequently while drinking alcohol is because it is a diuretic i.e., a drug that increases the amount of urine produced by the kidneys. Caffeine, too, is a diuretic.

Alcohols diuretic effect works by preventing the blood regulation function of vasopressin, and antidiuretic hormone that acts on the kidneys, compelling them to concentrate urine by increasing the resorption of water. Decrease in vasopressin therefore reduces the amount of water reabsorbed by the kidneys, resulting in the production of larger amounts of urine. This diuretic effect draws water from the body and causes a person to urinate more fluid than they imbibe.

The diuretic effect (or diuresis) is caused not by the volume of liquid drunk but by the alcohol content of the drink itself. A shot of spirits will generally cause a person to generate as much urine as they would if they drink a pint of beer.

Now you know the reason for the consistently long lines at restrooms during sporting events.  The next time your at a party and you hear the phrase “I could piss like a race horse”, get out of the way and let that person pass.  You certainly don’t want any back splash on your shoes.

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Lesson #8 – Why Does the Penis Shrink When It’s Cold?

In cold weather or water, a man’s penis will often retract and reduce considerably in size. This phenomenon sometimes referred to as “shrinkage”, and it occurs for a number of reasons, primarily that of temperature regulation. The testicles are contained in the scrotum and suspended away from the body, owing to the fact that sperm can be produced only when conditions are slightly cooler than the core temperature of the body. The temperature range in which sperm can be produced is very narrow, varying by only a couple of degrees, and when the environment gets too cold the scrotum retracts, drawing the testicles closer to the body to increase the temperature. As the penis is attached to the scrotum, this retraction pulls up the penis along with it.

A sufficient steep drop in temperature will also prompt the body to reduce the amount of blood circulating to the extremities and appendages, and concentrate blood flow in the core of the body in order to check the vital organs. As the size of the penis is affected greatly by the amount of blood that it receives, when a drop in temperature causes a reduction in the amount of blood reaches it, the penis shrivels and decreases in size.

Penis can also reduce in size when a man is startled or frighten, again because the body retracts the scrotum to the body for maximum protection, following the penis and with it.

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Now all of you ladies out there have the inside scoop.  You should no longer take it personally if a man fails to respond to your many charms since he’s either cold, wet, startled or even  frightened.  If he is none of those things then you have a serious problem that can only be solved by kicking him to the curb and moving on.

CLASS DISMISSED

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