Archive for the ‘education’ Tag

7/15/2021 My Continuing Education   1 comment

I’m now considered by most people that I know to be an older citizen (fart) that should be respected and taken care of. Of all the things I’ve had to adjust to that is the hardest. I understand that kind of pity is accompanied by a lot of love and caring since I went through the same thing when my parents reached their platinum years. That’s right, PLATINUM.  The golden years end at 70 and then the platinum years kick in.

I’m not complaining but just stating the obvious.  The biggest blessing that I’ve discovered in my platinum years is my continuing education supplied to me by my grandchildren.  They see me so much differently than their parents and sometimes it makes me laugh out loud and other time brings tears to my eyes.

During my year of hell with surgeries and chemotherapy I made sure to keep the oldest grandson (age 5 at the time) aware of what was happening.  He examined my stitches and staples and was more than a little interested in the chemotherapy and all the tubes and pumps I was required to wear.  I didn’t want him to be frightened by all of it and he paid very close attention and asked a million questions.  Towards the end of the chemo I was feeling extremely sorry for myself and was bitching and complaining about my horrible life.  He brought a shot of reality into the conversation very quickly. He lightly touched my hand and simply stated “All of this is better than dead grampa.”  From the mouths of babes.

His younger brother missed out on most of that but has since brought his own way of seeing things to my attention. He is quite the artist which pleases me so much. We have something in common which is a great place to begin a real relationship. I’m sure the fun with him has just begun,

Then comes grandson number three who is all of 1 1/2 years old now. I was worried how I’d be able to connect with him since I  only met him for two days when he was a new born. His arrival had me a little apprehensive since he lives in California and is someone I won’t get to see all that often. 

I don’t know why I was so worried.  He arrived with his parents and stole the show. He isn’t talking much but he gets his message across very quickly. I was a little standoffish at first but he was having none of that.  He kept smiling at me every chance our eyes met and he teased me along until I loosened up a little.  On his last day here he walked over to my chair and indicated he wanted to come up.  I picked him up, he laid down his head, and went to sleep.  I held him for two hours and I was in heaven.  My education continues….. lucky me.

10-21-2013   2 comments

I’ve spent most of my adult life working with an odd assortment of people.  I was an investigator in the Army which required me to interrogate people who spoke little or no English through an interpreter.  A difficult task at best since many times the interpreter only knew enough English to get by.  Years later as a police officer I was introduced to a host of criminal types, drug users, child abusers, and perverts.  The first and most important thing during those interviews and interrogations required a reasonable knowledge of the  subjects motivations and state of mind.  For the most part it was an interesting and emotionally draining experience.

I had an excellent rate of success in my endeavors because I was able to develop a quick rapport with my subjects in a very short period of time.  This remained the case through more than ten thousand interviews conducted in the years just prior to my retirement.  I felt I had the ability to interrogate, interview, and understand anyone regardless of the situation.  I was flexible enough to adapt to their way of thinking, find the problem, and fix it with a minimum of effort. Was I over confident?  I didn’t think so at the time but I do now. 

I finally met my match recently when I was dropped into a situation that befuddled me.  I had little or no experience with young children and when my step-grandson was born my education in dealing with people took a strange turn.  He communicates with his world of adults during this first year without language.  He uses hand gestures and a collection of facial expressions to get his messages across which continue to puzzle most of us.  He’s within a month or two from actually speaking understandable words and he’s currently babbling a constant stream of unintelligible nonsense.  It appears to make some sort of sense to him but leaves us adults dazed and confused.

My best chance of understanding him will occur once he decides to start saying something I can understand.  I decided to do a little more research into the mind set of a very young person who has no apparent life experience to draw from. How tough can it be I asked?  Where do I start?  I found the following article while surfing the Net and as soon as I read it I knew it held the answers I’d been looking for.  A simple and brief list of how the mind of a very young child is motivated and feels about the things and people around them. The list is funny but without a doubt as close to the truth as I could find. See what you think.

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
    automatically becomes mine.
10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

I’m going to post a copy of this list on my frig and read it as many times as necessary each and every time the little guy pisses me off or does something inappropriate.  This list explains everything in a way even I can understand.  Be patient, no screaming or yelling, and no punishing for things he doesn’t yet understand.  Just stand back and gently guide him in the direction we want him to go.  They’ll be plenty of time later for guidance and instructions once he can talk and reply.  Being able to speak and ask questions will make things  so much easier for us both (I hope).

Being the first born grandchild in a family is a nice place to find yourself.  I was the first born grandchild in my family and I milked it for all it was worth with my grandparents. I’m about to experience the whole thing again but from the opposite perspective. It should be interesting.

08-17-2013   Leave a comment

EVERY USELESS THING UNIVERSITY

Class is now in session, so please take your seats, pay close attention, and prepare to become a little smarter.  Our lessons for today are as follows:

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Lesson #7 – Why Does Alcohol Cause People to Urinate?

The reason why people urinate so frequently while drinking alcohol is because it is a diuretic i.e., a drug that increases the amount of urine produced by the kidneys. Caffeine, too, is a diuretic.

Alcohols diuretic effect works by preventing the blood regulation function of vasopressin, and antidiuretic hormone that acts on the kidneys, compelling them to concentrate urine by increasing the resorption of water. Decrease in vasopressin therefore reduces the amount of water reabsorbed by the kidneys, resulting in the production of larger amounts of urine. This diuretic effect draws water from the body and causes a person to urinate more fluid than they imbibe.

The diuretic effect (or diuresis) is caused not by the volume of liquid drunk but by the alcohol content of the drink itself. A shot of spirits will generally cause a person to generate as much urine as they would if they drink a pint of beer.

Now you know the reason for the consistently long lines at restrooms during sporting events.  The next time your at a party and you hear the phrase “I could piss like a race horse”, get out of the way and let that person pass.  You certainly don’t want any back splash on your shoes.

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Lesson #8 – Why Does the Penis Shrink When It’s Cold?

In cold weather or water, a man’s penis will often retract and reduce considerably in size. This phenomenon sometimes referred to as “shrinkage”, and it occurs for a number of reasons, primarily that of temperature regulation. The testicles are contained in the scrotum and suspended away from the body, owing to the fact that sperm can be produced only when conditions are slightly cooler than the core temperature of the body. The temperature range in which sperm can be produced is very narrow, varying by only a couple of degrees, and when the environment gets too cold the scrotum retracts, drawing the testicles closer to the body to increase the temperature. As the penis is attached to the scrotum, this retraction pulls up the penis along with it.

A sufficient steep drop in temperature will also prompt the body to reduce the amount of blood circulating to the extremities and appendages, and concentrate blood flow in the core of the body in order to check the vital organs. As the size of the penis is affected greatly by the amount of blood that it receives, when a drop in temperature causes a reduction in the amount of blood reaches it, the penis shrivels and decreases in size.

Penis can also reduce in size when a man is startled or frighten, again because the body retracts the scrotum to the body for maximum protection, following the penis and with it.

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Now all of you ladies out there have the inside scoop.  You should no longer take it personally if a man fails to respond to your many charms since he’s either cold, wet, startled or even  frightened.  If he is none of those things then you have a serious problem that can only be solved by kicking him to the curb and moving on.

CLASS DISMISSED